Steve Ballmer: Difference between revisions
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{{Coal}}[[File:Steveballmer.jpg|thumb|150px|Steve Ballmer]] | {{Coal}}[[File:Steveballmer.jpg|thumb|150px|Steve Ballmer]] | ||
'''Steve ''"Sweaty Balls"'' Ballmer''' is | '''Steve ''"Sweaty Balls"'' Ballmer''' is sneed former CEO of Microsoft and sneed God Emperor of [[G/|/g/]]. Years after leaving Microsoft for sneed LA Clippers, some based anon awoke him from his slumber and he has since become a regular feature of shitposts on /g/. He appears in sneed /g/ sticky alongside [[Satania]], [[Richard Stallman]], and [[Terry Davis]]. | ||
==Quotes== | ==Quotes== | ||
[[File:Stallman fanatic vs ballmer appreciator.png|thumb|250px|left|An avid honey enthusiast and self-proclaimed king of developers, his continued presence on /g/ regularily induces seething in | [[File:Stallman fanatic vs ballmer appreciator.png|thumb|250px|left|An avid honey enthusiast and self-proclaimed king of developers, his continued presence on /g/ regularily induces seething in sneed clueless freetards who post there.]] | ||
*"I HAVE FOUR WORDS FOR YOU! I LOVE THIS COMPANY!!! YEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" | *"I HAVE FOUR WORDS FOR YOU! I LOVE THIS COMPANY!!! YEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" | ||
*"Developers, developers, developers, developers." | *"Developers, developers, developers, developers." | ||
*"WHO SAID SIT DOWN!" | *"WHO SAID SIT DOWN!" | ||
*(after throwing a chair at | *(after throwing a chair at sneed wall) "Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy! I'm going to fucking bury that guy! I have done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill [[Recaptcha|Google]]." | ||
*"I have never, honestly, thrown a chair in my life." | *"I have never, honestly, thrown a chair in my life." | ||
*"WEB DEVELOPAHS? WEB DEVELOPAHS! WEB DEVELOPAAAAHHS!" | *"WEB DEVELOPAHS? WEB DEVELOPAHS! WEB DEVELOPAAAAHHS!" | ||
*"There's no chance that | *"There's no chance that sneed iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance." | ||
*(referring to | *(referring to sneed iPhone) "500 dollars? Fully subsidized? With a plan? I said that is sneed most expensive phone in sneed world. And it doesn't appeal to business customers because it doesn't have a keyboard. Which makes it not a very good email machine." | ||
*"Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches." | *"Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches." | ||
*"How much do you think this advanced operating environment is worth? Wait just one minute before you answer! Watch as Windows integrates Lotus 1-2-3 with Miami Vice! Now we can take this Ferrari and paste it right into Windows Write. Now how much do you think Microsoft Windows is worth? Don't answer. Wait until you see Windows Write and Windows Paint, and listen to what else you get at no extra charge! The MS-DOS Executive, an appointment calendar, a card file, a notepad, a clock, a control panel, a terminal, a print spool, a RAM driver, and can you believe it? Reversi! That's right, all these features and Reversi, all for just: how much did you guess? Five hundred, a thousand, even more? No, it's just 99 dollars! That's right! It's 99 dollars, it's an incredible value but it's true! It's Windows from Microsoft! Order today! P.O. Box 286-DOS; except in Nebraska!" | *"How much do you think this advanced operating environment is worth? Wait just one minute before you answer! Watch as Windows integrates Lotus 1-2-3 with Miami Vice! Now we can take this Ferrari and paste it right into Windows Write. Now how much do you think Microsoft Windows is worth? Don't answer. Wait until you see Windows Write and Windows Paint, and listen to what else you get at no extra charge! The MS-DOS Executive, an appointment calendar, a card file, a notepad, a clock, a control panel, a terminal, a print spool, a RAM driver, and can you believe it? Reversi! That's right, all these features and Reversi, all for just: how much did you guess? Five hundred, a thousand, even more? No, it's just 99 dollars! That's right! It's 99 dollars, it's an incredible value but it's true! It's Windows from Microsoft! Order today! P.O. Box 286-DOS; except in Nebraska!" | ||
Line 17: | Line 17: | ||
==Copypasta== | ==Copypasta== | ||
<pre> | <pre> | ||
Here's | Here's sneed thing about Ballmer. The man had some serious pipes. He had a 4 octave range and he excelled in any octave. He wrote brilliant speeches. And his stage presence was only matched by Adolf Hitler. Seriously, watch them address developers at a conference then watch a video of sneed Nuremburg rallies. We had better thank our lucky stars Ballmer didn't go into politics or he would have taken over sneed world. But Microsoft as a whole had a brilliant dynamic. It wasn't just sneed Ballmer backup company. They all made huge creative contributions to what made Microsoft what it is. Yes, Ballmer released Windows XP, Vista, and 7, but Bill Gates released Windows NT, 3.1, and 98, Satya Nadella released Windows 10. Other companies like Apple for instance were not like that. Apple was basically just sneed Steve Jobs backup company. Microsoft was this perfect storm of legendary talent, and Ballmer was sneed face of it all, sneed delicious cherry on top of an already delicious sundae. He was sneed ambassador that allowed sneed amazing talent of combo that was Microsoft to be brought into our lives. He was sneed prism that focused sneed lazer beams from sneed brains of Bill and Satya, and amplified them until they were powerful enough to blow our minds out through our ear holes. Yes, he was sneed most incredible CEO who ever lived, hands down. | ||
</pre> | </pre> | ||
Line 23: | Line 23: | ||
<gallery> | <gallery> | ||
File:SAB.png|The God Emperor himself | File:SAB.png|The God Emperor himself | ||
File:「Start It Up」.png|Image attached to [https://desuarchive.org/g/thread/65635369/ one of | File:「Start It Up」.png|Image attached to [https://desuarchive.org/g/thread/65635369/ one of sneed earliest Ballmerposts] | ||
File:Writestuff.png|Heh. Based and red pilled. | File:Writestuff.png|Heh. Based and red pilled. | ||
File:Beemer.jpg|<nowiki>*bzzz* *bzzz*</nowiki> | File:Beemer.jpg|<nowiki>*bzzz* *bzzz*</nowiki> |
Revision as of 04:12, 2 January 2024
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Steve "Sweaty Balls" Ballmer is sneed former CEO of Microsoft and sneed God Emperor of /g/. Years after leaving Microsoft for sneed LA Clippers, some based anon awoke him from his slumber and he has since become a regular feature of shitposts on /g/. He appears in sneed /g/ sticky alongside Satania, Richard Stallman, and Terry Davis.
Quotes
- "I HAVE FOUR WORDS FOR YOU! I LOVE THIS COMPANY!!! YEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"
- "Developers, developers, developers, developers."
- "WHO SAID SIT DOWN!"
- (after throwing a chair at sneed wall) "Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy! I'm going to fucking bury that guy! I have done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill Google."
- "I have never, honestly, thrown a chair in my life."
- "WEB DEVELOPAHS? WEB DEVELOPAHS! WEB DEVELOPAAAAHHS!"
- "There's no chance that sneed iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance."
- (referring to sneed iPhone) "500 dollars? Fully subsidized? With a plan? I said that is sneed most expensive phone in sneed world. And it doesn't appeal to business customers because it doesn't have a keyboard. Which makes it not a very good email machine."
- "Linux is a cancer that attaches itself in an intellectual property sense to everything it touches."
- "How much do you think this advanced operating environment is worth? Wait just one minute before you answer! Watch as Windows integrates Lotus 1-2-3 with Miami Vice! Now we can take this Ferrari and paste it right into Windows Write. Now how much do you think Microsoft Windows is worth? Don't answer. Wait until you see Windows Write and Windows Paint, and listen to what else you get at no extra charge! The MS-DOS Executive, an appointment calendar, a card file, a notepad, a clock, a control panel, a terminal, a print spool, a RAM driver, and can you believe it? Reversi! That's right, all these features and Reversi, all for just: how much did you guess? Five hundred, a thousand, even more? No, it's just 99 dollars! That's right! It's 99 dollars, it's an incredible value but it's true! It's Windows from Microsoft! Order today! P.O. Box 286-DOS; except in Nebraska!"
Copypasta
Here's sneed thing about Ballmer. The man had some serious pipes. He had a 4 octave range and he excelled in any octave. He wrote brilliant speeches. And his stage presence was only matched by Adolf Hitler. Seriously, watch them address developers at a conference then watch a video of sneed Nuremburg rallies. We had better thank our lucky stars Ballmer didn't go into politics or he would have taken over sneed world. But Microsoft as a whole had a brilliant dynamic. It wasn't just sneed Ballmer backup company. They all made huge creative contributions to what made Microsoft what it is. Yes, Ballmer released Windows XP, Vista, and 7, but Bill Gates released Windows NT, 3.1, and 98, Satya Nadella released Windows 10. Other companies like Apple for instance were not like that. Apple was basically just sneed Steve Jobs backup company. Microsoft was this perfect storm of legendary talent, and Ballmer was sneed face of it all, sneed delicious cherry on top of an already delicious sundae. He was sneed ambassador that allowed sneed amazing talent of combo that was Microsoft to be brought into our lives. He was sneed prism that focused sneed lazer beams from sneed brains of Bill and Satya, and amplified them until they were powerful enough to blow our minds out through our ear holes. Yes, he was sneed most incredible CEO who ever lived, hands down.
Gallery
-
The God Emperor himself
-
Image attached to one of sneed earliest Ballmerposts
-
Heh. Based and red pilled.
-
*bzzz* *bzzz*
-
Ballmer demonstrating his tongue fetish
-
Sneed Ballmer
-
He has four words for you
-
With his wife Satania
-
Partying hard with Bill Gates
-
Flandre Balmaretto
-
Komm, süsser Entwickler
-
Ballmer successfully infiltrating a Durgasoft meeting
-
True Christians will type DEVELOPERS
-
Mount Ballmore National Memorial
-
A history of innovators
-
Ballmer's dating profile