Poopson/Apocrypha
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This article is an archive and shouldn't be edited
The first Apocryphal posts, from before the Soypocalypse. From 2026 to 2030, they are unrelated to Poopson. Instead, they just flex their knowledge from the future for whatever reason.
'Teen from September 2023's account
Soyteen from september 2023 here. This is andyjak. Hes the other inspiration to poopson, i dont know what poopson will look like but i guess it will be cacason with the andyjak smile thats brown or something.
‘Teen from 2024’s account
Soyteen from 2024. Here to give more information about poopson and what will happen during brimstone winter
>He will be inspired by this image (cacason) and another coalish variant that's releasing in September of 2023 called andyjak
>He will be dark brown
>Someone will post a p trace that has poopson in it, enraging the site even more
>He will be spammed countless of times
>Poopson gets popular on Twitter and TikTok
>A new type of coal will be discovered after poopson releases called coal 2, way more darker than vantablack
>Another Captain coal incident happens, this time the person is called Omega Vanta
>The site gets more popularity
>P spam gets so bad to the point where doll finally adds anti p software
'Teen from 2026's account
Soyteen from 2026 here. Doll has resigned and instates an AI learning model based off of kuz (who dies on January 9th, 2024 at 9:56 am eastern standard time)'s telegram account.
Call of Duty: Black Ops Gulf War raiding has become a frequent passtime of sharty users after a custom decal maker was added to the game as a 30 dollar dlc pack. Teens raid outbreak 2 lobbies with gore decals plastered on their mallet melee weapons.
El Perro Rabioso is banned by the bot due to the compressed air cord spamming it relentlessly.
David thoughie, having trooned out, comes back and releases a parody of American Boy by Estelle.
The boogeyman of the day is a splinter site named yogabbagabba.orlin
Posts are reddit spaced by default.
A soyteen completes a run of the soyjak party doom mod at GDQ 2026 and gets banned both for transphobia and for not telling anyone the game was modded.
A pirated copy of the netflix GoodFellas remake is uploaded on to /zellig/ on october 31st, causing the FBI to temporarily delete the board for copyright infringement. Half of the site cheers, whereas a zelligposter shoots up a federal building in Hawaii.
The booru is sold to Turkey Tom.[1]
'Teen from 2027's account
Soyteen from 2027 here
Soyteen from 2026 is lying, Doll is still around by 2027, though he's gone increasingly erratic since his divorce in 2025. CoD raiding did became a thing thoughever.
New VR technology has made it possible for 'teens to raid troons and spam TND gore, earrape, and other disgusting things, and one troon actually acked zirself from this
A Discord alternative named Roombox is released, and thanks to a viral marketing campaign and it being much more welcoming to chuds, all the discordtroons that spam the 'arty with 'p move to there.
Another splinter site by the name of partysoy.jak is made due to Doll's aforementioned mental decline.
Soyjak.party gets on the news and is branded as an alt-right hate site in February 8th 2027 after 'teens troll the ADL. It gets on the news again after 'teens hacked Times Square and played Cobbo by 6ixϪhrembo in June 18th 2027
That's all I can say for now [1]
'Teen from 2028's account
2028 Soyteen here. Sorry if my posts takes a while to upload, I wasn't lucky enough to dodge the draft and I'm currently stationed in West Poland. The WiFi here is terrible.
An edit of poopson depicting the 'jak edited to resemble the 1st transgender polish President, Jana Sobota, is posted by opposition leader Pawel Kowalski. Sobota got so angry at the 'jak that she ordered the special forces unit JW GROM to raid the headquarters of Kowalski's party, causing a civil war to ignite in the country. Surprisingly, us NATO forces are on the side of Kowalski, since Sobota is vehemently pro russian stemming from a secret relationship with former Soyjak party owner Yuri Kuznetsov. Our opponents are mainly pro-Sobota mercenaries from PMC Brimstone, a mercenary group created by Partysoy.jak admin "Hand". Casualties are high on both sides, owing to people posting the co-ordinates of their bases and supply lines on rival sites.
In non-war related news, an official Soyjak.party Pizza Tower server is started and becomes relatively popular.
A wave of refugees from the now defunct crystal.cafe begin posting on the sharty before eventually getting confined to a containment board called /admin/.
'Teens are embedding still frames from the tv series "Titanfall" into soyjaks, hoping to reconstruct the series in secret. the project is projected to be finished in 2030.
A former twitch raider becomes the foreign minster of Monaco. They become popular after CIUing the UN.
The soyjak Wiki overtakes the Norwegian language wikipedia in article count, becoming the 2nd largest wiki in the world. mainly due to the migration of booru countrycoallers and a wave of bot articles posted by the KuzBot.
Roombox is shut down after it was revealed that the co-founder of the site called himself a "sperg" back in 2019. Cancel culture has become so widespread that you can't even be mean to yourself anymore. 'Jakking remains unaffected due to a strict anonymity policy.
4chan attempts to start a nation in Antarctica. They all freeze to death because a 50 year old troon cut the power after overhearing someone saying they liked wojak posters.
In order to raise money for the poverty stricken region of west Virginia, an art piece is made by the Home Ridge mining corporation depicting a classic soyjak made out of real coal. It is a success.
Soot is revealed to be a Canadian pizza delivery man with a DUI on record.[2]
'Teen from 2029's account
2029 soyteen here, sane guy as the last post. I’m now a millionaire after investing in Home Ridge Coalposting and I can finally call Sobota a “he” because the troon freak killed himself on New Year’s Eve, which ended the war and deactivated the proper pronouns bomb chip in the brainwave-reading helmets of every NATO soldier. Life is good.
Klaus Schwab died after inadvertently eating one of his contaminated bug meat burgers. The WEF is now pushing an “eat the cows and live in the mansion” policy after the world’s climate issues were solved by the invention of a new, clean energy source: Kuz rolling in his grave.
Tesla has lost billions of dollars after the dancing_swede video was discovered in the files of the 2027 models. A mass recall is issued.
/pol2/ was finally added to the sharty after 6 years of persistent requests.
Nikocado Avocado dies after complications with his bariatric surgery. His coinslot is preserved in a vat of formaldehyde and pork fat in the Ukrainian national museum.
The 4cuck /b/ 1 quadrillion get is stolen by a sharty user who posted an image of Coinjak. This cements him as a sharty saving gem.
The Netherlands sinks into the ocean during the production of Ongezellig Deel #7. It is never released, much to the dismay of the /zellig/ board. Frequent dives are conducted to locate the mythical episode.
Amerimutt is mistakenly banned by the American government due to the phrase “or something” being a frequent quote of president Fuentes. Or something. [2]
'Teen from 2030's account
2030 soyteen here Coal 3 was released this year and it was so bad that it launched all of the nuclear weapons in the world simultaneously billions have died I have been sitting in this bunker alone for 4 months and I am about to run out of food and my Kuz rolling in his grave generator is about to fail I don’t have much faith in the fu [2]
