Soypocalypse

This page or section is about an ongoing event. Check again later for more coverage.

HOLY FRIGGIN HECK ITS JUST LIKE THE BIBLE

Soot = God

Kuz = Moses

Doll = Jesus

Max = Pontius

Red = Judas

Angeleno = Saint peter

The Soypocalypse

Doll's message that appears when you go to Soyjaks.party

“	A few people laughed, a few people cried, most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Soyble scripture, the Bhagavad-Lita. Admin 6 is trying to persuade the Troon that xe should do xer duty and to impress xer takes on his multi-armed form and says, 'now I am become Coal, destroyer of gems.' I suppose we all thought that one way or another.	”
Cobson, shortly after the sharty's closure

The Soypocalypse, or Soymaggedon is an event that started on 14 August 2023 and ended in 15 August 2023. It begun after soyjak.party and jakparty.soy closed their doors to normal posters. finished with the shut down of both websites and openings of the bunker

How it happened

Poopson (aka Brojak) is released early, causing the following events to unfold:

• Red, a Kuz-era mod, former manager of the Party, and a commiepedotroon, goes rogue and releases a "leak" which included IPs from the Party and staff, blanket rangebanning the entire Party and vandalizing the Soyjak wiki, all to advertise a 'cord where xe released said leaks;
• Xe was immediately fired from the Party staff and then from the Wiki, following an incredibly long and Looney Tunes-esque banfight between xem and another 'ki moderator.
• Doll posts that the Party is for sale, and it is unknown if a new buyer will be considered or if Mr. E will still go through with it.
• The Party is brought offline, likely a prevention tactic before cordniggers could DDOS it or spam it with CSAM. Discuss current happenings at: Sharty is down.
  • Doll took it down due to coalflare not working properly and because of the $8000 bid.
• The booru goes down.
• "Due to the massive influx of users and the lack of moderation manpower" (mass 'p spam), jakparty.soy is brought offline
• Now without a home, soyteens fragment onto niche splinter sites hosted by various namecucks
  • or teens return to the 4cuck for a uprising demanding /soy/ or the reopening of /qa/ through the flooding of all boards
  • Many teens flock to bunker.soyjak.wiki, a splinter hosted here.
• Max offers to buy the sharty for a lower price, with shitty ideas that will ruin the sharty even if he bought it, Doll declined
  • Doll is a sellout who couldn't pay his fucking debts so he took the sharty hostage, do we really need to protect him?
• When the nu-sharty opens some ‘teens go there too
• Soyjaks.party shows a message by Doll, announcing that he will not continue keeping the site online.
• The jarty announces they will return on August 16th, with increased measures against 'p spam.

^luke smith hands wrote this post MENTAL OUTLAW BVLLS WON

Soundtrack

• Badfinger - Baby Blue
• Falconer - We Sold Our Homesteads
• Candlemass - Solitude
• Penpals - Tell Me Why
• The Doors - The End
• Roy Orbison - It's Over
• DJ Shadow - You Can't Go Home Again
• Shiro Sagisu / Arianne - Komm, Susser Tod
• David Thoughie - Gem Cobbity
• Black - Wonderful Life
• Warren Zevon - Keep Me In Your Heart For A While
• Vera Lynn - We'll Meet Again
• The Band - The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down
• Johnny Cash - For The Good Times
• Songs: Ohia - Farewell Transmission
• КИНО - Звезда по имени солнце
• Ween - I'll Miss You
• Jon Bon Jovi - Blaze of Glory
• Karl Berbuer - Trizonesien-Song
• Peste Noire - Dueil Angoisseus
• Weezer — Say It Ain't So
• Any song The Smiths did or whatever