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{{4chan}}
I finally came back from the store just as the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. I'd gone a little overboard today, I'm starting to think that it's a bad habit of mine. But in my defense, I hadn't shopped in a while so my body was basically craving a shopping spree. And who am I to deny my own needs?
{{Lolcow}}
I was ready for a long night of gaming after my long day cleaning up the house and shopping. I just got beta access for the new Minecraft update. I set my groceries down on the table and turned the TV on for some background noise. As I sorted through my bags and put the groceries away, I saw something I definitely didn't buy. It was blueberry gum. It could be a worse flavor, but it still confused me. Did someone slip it into my cart when I wasn't looking?
 
"Weird," I said to myself. "I'm not one to complain about free stuff, though. This'll make a funny story to tell later."
{{Cheese}}
As I opened the pack of gum and popped a piece into my mouth, the smell hit me like a brick wall.
 
"Holy shit," I said out loud, as the intense blueberry flavor flooded my mouth. "That is not gum. What the fuck???"
{{Gem}}
I spat the piece out into my hand and looked at it, then I realize it was indeed gum. It was the flavor and texture of gum. Maybe I'd just bitten into a particularly strong piece or something? I couldn't understand how gum could possibly taste like this, it was too strong to be real.
 
I'm little weirded out by the whole situation, but figured I should finish putting the groceries away before investigating more. It was probably nothing anyway. Once everything was put away, I started streaming.
'''ZelinkOP''' is an obnoxious /v/ [[Namefag|namefaggot]] [[Janny Points|pass user]] that [[Spam|constantly posts shill threads]] with nothing but [[tranime]] ship art of Zelda and Link from the [[Nintendo|Legend of Zelda]] series. He has become a minor lolcow in recent months due to one dedicated autist 'teen posting altered fanart with [[Stealthjak|hidden]] [[Nikocado Avocado|coinslots]] added, much to his dismay. During mid-November he attempted to [[Bunker|lay low]] after getting [[Ban|banned]] by the [[jannies]] for calling them [[niggers]] (KWAB) and [[Bitch|waited it out like a good little chuddie]]<ref>https://arch-img.b4k.co/v/1699941466435.jpg</ref> (KWAB). The success of this industrial gaslighting campaign has produced so many gems that wide-scale 'cado posting may be the future of 4cuck raids.
"Hello I'm ibxtoycat, and today we're doing an update stream on Minecraft... I think I should take a nap..."
 
I let out a yawn and stretched my arms, trying to wake myself up. The game is taking forever to load, and it was starting to annoy me. I decided to check my internet connection, but couldn't find any problems. I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of light out of the corner of my eye. I turned towards the window, but didn't see anything. It was probably just a reflection of the screen. My chair suddenly seemed a lot comfier than it had been just a second ago. I could feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep.
  <blockquote>{{Bluetext|ROOT ## Manager}} 
I jolted awake and glanced at the clock. Only fifteen minutes had passed. My mouth felt weirdly wet. I touched my finger to my lips and they came back blue. That blueberry taste was still lingering, and the smell was stronger than ever. Minecraft was stuck at 74% loaded. I stood up and stumbled a bit, feeling woozy. I felt like I was going to puke, but my stomach didn't feel sick, it felt full. Like I'd just eaten a big meal.
 
"C-Chat? Chat, I'm really fucked up right now... This... This is really fucking me up, man..."
"We have enough pins right now but I want to congratulate OP, or whoever the zelinkOP's nemesis is who's been running this mindbreak campaign on all his threads over months. I actually ran into him in /tv/ last night by chance and he sounded completely defeated when I asked how he was holding up.
I looked down at my stomach, expecting to see a huge bulge or something. There was no bulge, but my stomach was slightly distended. It was almost unnoticeable, but I definitely had a slight tummy. I stared at the screen, silently begging the damn game to load. When it finally finished, I breathed a sigh of relief. I started up the game and tried to play. I couldn't concentrate, and kept making stupid mistakes. I even fell into a pit with zombies chasing me.
 
"I'm just..."
{{Greentext|>(…) we still have the same feuds every day and he floods /v/ with literally 20 NTR threads per day. Now he photoshops cado's ass on my entire zelink collection and dumps it on /v/ then says that's me doing it.}}
I can't ignore it now. My shirt just ripped, and I'm pretty sure my pants are going to be next. My stomach is stretching them so tight, I can hear the stitches starting to pop. It's not that I'm gaining weight, I'm inflating. I've heard stories about this. But those were just rumors. They're not real.
 
"Wait... this is actually... kinda nice... I..."
You guys make me proud"</blockquote>
I don't care if I look silly. It feels too good to stop... not like I could. I can feel juice dripping down my legs, and the taste of blueberries is driving me crazy. I'm so full, and I'm still not at my limit. I've lost all control, and I'm just letting it happen. I can't get enough, and it's making me even hungrier. I can barely fit into my computer chair now, and the way my belly rubs against the desk feels so good... My ass starts to itch, and I realize that my butt is starting to swell.
 
"YouTube... isn't gonna... want me... like this... oh, fuck it, who cares? Let them ban me..."
== How to torment the schizo ==
My legs are spread wide, and my belly is spilling over them. I can feel the pressure building inside of me, and I know I'm not far from the end. I still have a few minutes, but I've given up on the game. I just want to lie here and let it happen. I can see a blue stain spreading across my carpet, and it's starting to fill the room with a sweet aroma.
[[File:NTRwon.jpg|thumb]]
"Just a little more... I'm almost there... haah..."
Zelinkfag has been thoroughly [[Buck Breaking|buck broken]] by the cado poster so hard that his eyes are hardwired to pinpoint any remnants or traces of men's anuses in what to any sane, normal person would look like perfectly innocent pieces of art. This mindbreaking is so severe he has developed what cannot be explained as anything other than paranoid [[schizophrenia]], regularly experiencing hallucinations of 'cado edits where there are none and accusing random posters of being his personal boogeyman.
I arch my back, and let out a deep moan. It's almost painful, but in a good way. I can't stop myself from cumming, even though I know it will end soon. I'm almost round, and it's starting to get uncomfortable.
 
"Fuck... this is it, guys... the big finish..."
* Post low-resolution images.<ref>https://arch.b4k.co/v/thread/656895598/#656908135</ref> This deviation from his circlejerk will make him immediately suspicious, provoking baseless accusations of being the boogeyman ([[Shit Nobody Cares About|>it also ruins my mega archive guyz....]])
I close my eyes, and relax. It feels so good, and I never want it to end. I can feel juice leaking from my lips, and pooling on the floor. My legs are shaking, and my whole body is trembling. I'm so close...
* Feign ignorance when he does eventually call out images that he claims were vandalized, in order to bait him into making MS Paint gems that prove where the 'cado is hidden
"Ch-"
* Post identical images with a slightly smaller scale and different filenames (ex. "file.jpeg", "zelink [number]", etc.) to trick him into thinking you edited the contents of the image
The pressure becomes unbearable, and everything goes white. There's a loud popping noise, and I feel myself crash to the ground. Juice is everywhere, and I can't even get up. I think my intestines came out, too. I'm just lying here, covered in blueberry juice, and enjoying the afterglow. I barely manage to lift my head and look at the screen. My view count is skyrocketing. Of course it would be, they've all seen what just happened. I can't blame them. Gore's popular, and so's porn. Putting the two together is bound to get a few million views.
* Diversity of tactics. By occasionally changing the method you use to hide the coinslot into his precious zelink art, you can catch him off guard and make it harder for jannies to ban you.<ref>https://arch.b4k.co/v/thread/656829228/#656859909</ref>
I want to get up, but I'm scared that my lungs might fall out. Wait, that's what we have ribcages for, right? Fuck it, I'll die either way. My chair's not broken, so at least I didn't damage anything besides my own body. I push myself up and manage to sit down in my chair. It's so sticky and wet, but I'm too exhausted to care.
* Bait him into mass-reporting innocent images so that when actual edits are posted, his cries to the mods will be ignored.
"...Well... that's it. And... thanks for... 60 thousand views live. See ya..."
* Change the watermark on Pixiv zelink art to be "カドの肛門の穴", or "Kado's anal hole" in Japanese. ("カドのケツ穴" or "Kado's ass hole" in Japanese)
I'm amazed I managed to speak coherently after what just happened, but I have no time to admire myself. The pain is coming back, and it's getting harder to breathe.
* Post cropped sissy porn of Link, bonus points if it involves him being dominated by Ganondorf<ref>[[File:Zelinkschizo6.5.png|thumb|zelinkschizo trembles at the sight of link's boipussi being OBLITERATED by the BGC]]
"Oh... and when... do I... get my... Wikipedia... article? Hah... hah... Fuck it, chat... let's go..."
</ref>.
I let out a final wheeze and close my eyes. And all I can smell is the smell of sweet, sweet success.
* Edit bulges into drawings of Zelda, to imply that she is in fact a [[tranny]]. Note that this does require you to be at least somewhat skilled at art or knowledgeable on how to edit images more convincingly than just hiding a fat man's diseased anus in tranime art.[[File:Zelinkschizo2.jpg|thumb|Nigga doxxed himself GEEEEG]]
<gallery>
File:Zelinkschizo1.png|116 IQ aryan
File:Zelinkschizo3.png|Missed Cheese
File:Zelinkschizo4.png|{{Redtext|the absolute fucking state}}
File:Zelinkschizo5.png|ghoul can't comprehend the existance of more than 1 man trolling him so to him, we are all a singular "cadofag"
File:Zelinkschizo6.jpg|>the madness of a psychopath
File:Momimfamous.jpg|Some seething faggot took this wiki article and made a poorly-edited collage of it.                                                                                                                   Look Mom, I'm famous!
File:Heknows.png|ZelinkOP has been confirmed to be aware of this article, and is pathetically trying to co-opt its language. If you're reading this, Cado Won.
</gallery>
 
== 'Cadosmithing tips ==
 
* The easiest way to identify a hidden 'cado is by the edges of the added image. If you round the corners and blur the edges, spotting it becomes much harder.
* Align the 'slot in the image so that the shapes in the drawing align with the shapes in the 'slot, keeping the original composition.
* Adjust the brightness and hue of the 'slot so that it fits in better with its background.  
* Hide a non-transparent 'cado ass in places where you wouldn't normally look for detail, such as random background objects or within the pupils of characters. Remember, the goal is to get some unsuspecting fool to download these pictures without realizing that there was a picture of Nikocado Avocado's asshole embedded inside.
 
== Giant Stealth 'Cado Folder ==
Zelinkfag's [https://mega.nz/file/wZJxkZAT#CeH5wAZBUXJ_qiQWrGJBkhjzVjyAxURFh1BTESXKOXs own personal folder] of 2,252 images was automatically processed to have a hidden 'cado on every single image (except the nsfw ones since you can't post those on /v/ anyway). You can find the 'cadofied folder [https://mega.nz/folder/xfIiwQBC#WwolQuZdusJsoWki5de_uw here].

Revision as of 09:50, 1 January 2024

I finally came back from the store just as the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. I'd gone a little overboard today, I'm starting to think that it's a bad habit of mine. But in my defense, I hadn't shopped in a while so my body was basically craving a shopping spree. And who am I to deny my own needs? I was ready for a long night of gaming after my long day cleaning up the house and shopping. I just got beta access for the new Minecraft update. I set my groceries down on the table and turned the TV on for some background noise. As I sorted through my bags and put the groceries away, I saw something I definitely didn't buy. It was blueberry gum. It could be a worse flavor, but it still confused me. Did someone slip it into my cart when I wasn't looking? "Weird," I said to myself. "I'm not one to complain about free stuff, though. This'll make a funny story to tell later." As I opened the pack of gum and popped a piece into my mouth, the smell hit me like a brick wall. "Holy shit," I said out loud, as the intense blueberry flavor flooded my mouth. "That is not gum. What the fuck???" I spat the piece out into my hand and looked at it, then I realize it was indeed gum. It was the flavor and texture of gum. Maybe I'd just bitten into a particularly strong piece or something? I couldn't understand how gum could possibly taste like this, it was too strong to be real. I'm little weirded out by the whole situation, but figured I should finish putting the groceries away before investigating more. It was probably nothing anyway. Once everything was put away, I started streaming. "Hello I'm ibxtoycat, and today we're doing an update stream on Minecraft... I think I should take a nap..." I let out a yawn and stretched my arms, trying to wake myself up. The game is taking forever to load, and it was starting to annoy me. I decided to check my internet connection, but couldn't find any problems. I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of light out of the corner of my eye. I turned towards the window, but didn't see anything. It was probably just a reflection of the screen. My chair suddenly seemed a lot comfier than it had been just a second ago. I could feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep. I jolted awake and glanced at the clock. Only fifteen minutes had passed. My mouth felt weirdly wet. I touched my finger to my lips and they came back blue. That blueberry taste was still lingering, and the smell was stronger than ever. Minecraft was stuck at 74% loaded. I stood up and stumbled a bit, feeling woozy. I felt like I was going to puke, but my stomach didn't feel sick, it felt full. Like I'd just eaten a big meal. "C-Chat? Chat, I'm really fucked up right now... This... This is really fucking me up, man..." I looked down at my stomach, expecting to see a huge bulge or something. There was no bulge, but my stomach was slightly distended. It was almost unnoticeable, but I definitely had a slight tummy. I stared at the screen, silently begging the damn game to load. When it finally finished, I breathed a sigh of relief. I started up the game and tried to play. I couldn't concentrate, and kept making stupid mistakes. I even fell into a pit with zombies chasing me. "I'm just..." I can't ignore it now. My shirt just ripped, and I'm pretty sure my pants are going to be next. My stomach is stretching them so tight, I can hear the stitches starting to pop. It's not that I'm gaining weight, I'm inflating. I've heard stories about this. But those were just rumors. They're not real. "Wait... this is actually... kinda nice... I..." I don't care if I look silly. It feels too good to stop... not like I could. I can feel juice dripping down my legs, and the taste of blueberries is driving me crazy. I'm so full, and I'm still not at my limit. I've lost all control, and I'm just letting it happen. I can't get enough, and it's making me even hungrier. I can barely fit into my computer chair now, and the way my belly rubs against the desk feels so good... My ass starts to itch, and I realize that my butt is starting to swell. "YouTube... isn't gonna... want me... like this... oh, fuck it, who cares? Let them ban me..." My legs are spread wide, and my belly is spilling over them. I can feel the pressure building inside of me, and I know I'm not far from the end. I still have a few minutes, but I've given up on the game. I just want to lie here and let it happen. I can see a blue stain spreading across my carpet, and it's starting to fill the room with a sweet aroma. "Just a little more... I'm almost there... haah..." I arch my back, and let out a deep moan. It's almost painful, but in a good way. I can't stop myself from cumming, even though I know it will end soon. I'm almost round, and it's starting to get uncomfortable. "Fuck... this is it, guys... the big finish..." I close my eyes, and relax. It feels so good, and I never want it to end. I can feel juice leaking from my lips, and pooling on the floor. My legs are shaking, and my whole body is trembling. I'm so close... "Ch-" The pressure becomes unbearable, and everything goes white. There's a loud popping noise, and I feel myself crash to the ground. Juice is everywhere, and I can't even get up. I think my intestines came out, too. I'm just lying here, covered in blueberry juice, and enjoying the afterglow. I barely manage to lift my head and look at the screen. My view count is skyrocketing. Of course it would be, they've all seen what just happened. I can't blame them. Gore's popular, and so's porn. Putting the two together is bound to get a few million views. I want to get up, but I'm scared that my lungs might fall out. Wait, that's what we have ribcages for, right? Fuck it, I'll die either way. My chair's not broken, so at least I didn't damage anything besides my own body. I push myself up and manage to sit down in my chair. It's so sticky and wet, but I'm too exhausted to care. "...Well... that's it. And... thanks for... 60 thousand views live. See ya..." I'm amazed I managed to speak coherently after what just happened, but I have no time to admire myself. The pain is coming back, and it's getting harder to breathe. "Oh... and when... do I... get my... Wikipedia... article? Hah... hah... Fuck it, chat... let's go..." I let out a final wheeze and close my eyes. And all I can smell is the smell of sweet, sweet success.