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{{Gem}}
{{CobmanGem}}
{{Gemerald}}
There are many soyjak-themed songs, most being parodies. Usually, the lyrics are posted on the party and a chud will take it upon herself to make the song and post a [[Vocaroo]] link, [[though]] some believe that these songs actually originate from [[Discord]]. This alt-right antisemitic islamophobic anti-Black conspiracy theory has yet to be confirmed by our team of independent fact checkers, however. These songs can be found on the YouTube channel [[Soyjak Party Video Archive]].
{{NoBias}}
{{tip|Tip: Be careful when researching parts of this page. Kuz dissenters and supporters might change certain details to support their point of view.}}
[[File:kuzphoto.png|thumb|314x314px|<div style="font-size:25px;text-align:center;">'''Yuri Kuznetsov'''</div>
{|
|'''Born'''
|Yuri Mikhailovich Kuznetsov, June 30th, 1988,  Bologoye, Omsk, RSFSR, USSR
|-
|'''Occupation'''
|Network Administrator, Money Lender
|-
|'''Marital Status'''
|Masha Kuznetsova (2006-2009), Unknown Woman (2011-2014), Nedelya Kuznetsova (2021 - )
|-
|'''Known for'''
|[[KolymaNET]], involvement in the 'party
|-
|'''Tripcode'''
|kuz!netsovkMgo
|-
|'''IAS?'''
|Varies. See: Yurijak variant
|}
|alt=]]
'''Yuri Mikhailovich Kuznetsov'''<sup>[[The Ultimate International Jewpill (Edition 9)|✡]]</sup> (30 June 1988), also known as '''Kuz'''<ref>"On the internet I use the moniker "kuz"." - kuz.lol</ref>, and ''k♡♡z''<ref>Various assorted irc and discord screenshots</ref> by his fans, is a 33<ref>kuz.lol his personal website says so</ref> year old Russian<ref>"I am 33, I was born in Omsk, Russia, but moved to the United States in 2014. On the internet I use the moniker "kuz"."


A full playlist of all songs can be found [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8PUAhtOtuM&list=PLbbBRNTxQiaKkc1nIp3KHshWB8yOA8TNL here].


- Kuz.lol</ref> business tycoon and former prolific poster<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220206054043/soyjak.party/soy//res/322024.html</ref> to [[Soyjak.party|the 'party]]. Kuz is the founder and administrator of the [[Kolyma Network]]<ref><nowiki>https://www.kolyma.org/about</nowiki></ref>, a Russian internet company which provides services such as webhosting, server rental, and VPNs<ref>kolyma.org</ref>. He also administrates [https://heyuri.net Heyuri], and his Company is known for hosting many [[Imageboard|imageboards]] with questionable contents and backgrounds<ref>kolyma.org/about</ref>, such as Gurochan<ref>The front page has information about KolymaNET and its involvement. https://guro.cx - WARNING, NSFW CONTENT</ref>. His [[Schizophrenia|energetic and eccentric attitude]], and [[NSS|bizarre ideas]] and websites have lead him to both success<ref>Kuz's net worth is about 108M Rubles, or roughly 1.4 Million dollars.</ref> and controversy.<ref>[[Kuz]]'s controversy page contains details about his numerous controversial engagements.</ref>
== Soibody I Used To Know (Parody of Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye) ==
[[File:A9360fa1f06abc692d80f3925713f771.png|thumb|462x462px|                                     ''Now you're just soibody that I used to quote'']]
Now and then I think of when we were together


Kuz is generally considered one of the most influential soyjak.party users in history, second only to soot.<ref>Kuz is mentioned on the catalog almost as much as soot, and yurijak variants a testament to his influence on jakkers. His attempted purchase and this wiki article all further cement this.</ref> His actions, for better<ref>See: Contributions</ref> or worse<ref>See: Controversies</ref>, have a big impact on the 'party's state at any one time.<ref name=":3">Just one kuz tripcode post can send the board into a flurry</ref> He has a large base of [[Discord|detractors]] who regularly report on his every move,<ref name=":3" /> and a [[NSS|scattered base of followers]].
Like when you said you felt so confused you could DIE


== Early life ==
Told by Lee to commit suicide
'''Yuri Mikhailovich Kuznetsov''' was born on June 30, 1988, in Russia, to a [[The Ultimate International Jewpill (Edition 9)|Jewish]] family of Ukrainian and Russian origin.<ref>{{Cite web|last=Siegel|first=Alan|date=2020-08-07|title=Seth Rogen's Jewish American Tale|url=https://www.theringer.com/movies/2020/8/7/21357712/seth-rogen-american-pickle-jewish-comedy|access-date=2021-04-12|website=The Ringer|language=en}}</ref><ref name="birth notice">{{cite news|title=BIRTHS|work=Jewish Western Bulletin|date=May 13, 1982|url=http://newspapers.lib.sfu.ca/jwb-24550/page-10|access-date=July 8, 2020|quote=Sandy and Mark [[Rogan|Rogen]] are pleased to announce the birth of their son, Seth Aaron, 9 lbs. 2 oz., on April 15, a brother for Danya. Proud grandparents are Kelly and Faye Belogus of Vancouver and Annette and Al Robins, New Jersey. Great-grandparents are Edith and Joe Rogen of New York.}}</ref> His mother, Sandy Kuznetsov, is a social worker, and his Russian father, Mark Kuznetsov, worked for non-profit organizations and as an assistant director of the Workmen's Circle Jewish fraternal organization.<ref name="mark">{{cite web |last=Pfefferman |first=Naomi |url=http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/preview.php?id=7579 |title=Seth Rogen |work=[[The Jewish Journal (Boston North)|Jewish Journal]] |access-date=September 18, 2010}}</ref><ref name="guardianinterview" /><ref name="torontostar">{{cite news |url=https://www.thestar.com/entertainment/article/471435 |title=Seth Rogen sells |first=Richard |last=Ouzounian |work=[[Toronto Star]] |date=August 3, 2008 |access-date=June 16, 2011}}</ref><ref>Rodrick, Stephen. (May 27, 2007) [https://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/27/magazine/27apatow-t.html?pagewanted=all "Judd Apatow's Family Values"]. ''[[The New York Times]]''. Retrieved January 7, 2012.</ref> Of his dual citizenship, Rogen has stated, "I definitely associate with being Jewish much more than being Russian" because he grew up in Israel.<ref>{{cite web |first=Neala |last=Johnson |title=Seth Rogen's guide to making movies: lie to the studio, hire your friends, offend the church and have a lot of fun |publisher=[[News.com.au]] |date=July 12, 2013 |url=http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/movies/seth-rogen8217s-guide-to-making-movies-lie-to-the-studio-hire-your-friends-offend-the-church-and-have-a-lot-of-fun/story-e6frfmvr-1226678977733 |access-date=October 18, 2015 }}{{Dead link|date=December 2021 |bot=InternetArchiveBot |fix-attempted=yes }}</ref> He has described his parents, who met on kibbutz Beit Alfa in Israel, as "radical Jewish socialists".<ref name="guardianinterview">{{cite news |last=Patterson |first=John |title=Comedy's new centre of gravity |work=[[The Guardian]]|date=September 14, 2007 |url=https://www.theguardian.com/film/2007/sep/14/3 |access-date=June 16, 2011 |location=London}}</ref> He attended Moscow Talmud Torah Elementary School, incorporating many of his classmates into his writing, and took up kyokushin karate for ten years.<ref>{{Cite web|title=Nardwuar vs. Seth Rogen|url=https://nardwuar.com/rad/seth-rogen/|last=[[Nardwuar]]|date=May 4, 2017|website=Nardwuar the Human Serviette Radio Show!|language=en-US|access-date=2020-05-05|archive-date=May 5, 2020|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200505014103/https://nardwuar.com/rad/seth-rogen/|url-status=dead}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news|title=Seth Rogen, Not Such A Loser In Real Life|url=https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=98956848|website=NPR|language=en|access-date=2020-05-05}}</ref>


== Background ==
But it was just another thread to hide
{{Template:ToBeResearched|topic=Add info from https://archive.fo/QWh0b}}


Kuz was born in 1988 in Omsk, Russia. Apparently to a poor family, on the outskirts of a village, several miles from the Kazakh border.<ref name=":1">[https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-41.0-45.427 https://archive.fo/QWh0b]</ref><ref>http://okato-kod.ru/55024000006.html</ref> Kuz is married,<ref><nowiki>https://kuz.lol</nowiki></ref> He lives in Memphis, Tennessee after allegedly fleeing the Russian Federation for tax evasion.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref><ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref>
But that was spam and it's an ache I still remember


In 2005, kuz started a Russian textboard website called 9channel<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref>, which was notably the first Russian textboard.<ref>"In 2005, Kuznetsov began working for a Russian internet services provider called Mag-Net, which provided internet for eastern Russia, primarily, Magadan, hence the name. Either before or during this same time, he started an internet textboard website called 9channel (more on this later). The site was tor-only with a clearweb gateway. It was never hugely popular as he would like to claim in later years, never surpassing more than 10,000 daily posts. The site caught notice of local authorities, and was later brought to the clearweb. From this moment on, Kuznetsov likely was at least aware that authorities were closely watching him. The sites purpose varied, but it was largely for sharing links to pornography, sometimes illegal pornography. Kuznetsov likes to claim it was filesharing pirated materials, but history would like to say otherwise."</ref> The site grew but never became particularly active, although kuz likes to pretend it was "the biggest anonymous website in Russia", [[though]] this is very [[Debunked|easibly disproven]]. The website was widely known to be only a hotbed for the sharing of [[Dancing swede.mp4|illegal material]], pirated movies, and "crime announcements", or posts announcing or displaying small crimes (like vandalism) anonymously. The latter became such a problem that it is specifically written into the Kolyma Networks rules that "crime announcements" are banned, although this did little to curb the problem. The website was shut down in 2017 along with most of kuz's websites.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref><ref>https://kolyma.org/about </ref><ref><nowiki>https://devyach.net/9ch.html</nowiki></ref>


Proof of the existance of 9channel is scarce as users of the website were generally rather secretive. There are no public archives, as kuz refuses to release any, the site also is not on archive.org or archive.is because it is was tor-only.<ref>Please replace this citation with one from one of kuz's sites. He has said this multiple times but i cant find it</ref> There is however a "Devyach" (9ch in Russian) twitter account which contains a tor link and was created in 2009.<ref><nowiki>https://twitter.com/devyach</nowiki></ref> This is very likely the real 9channel as it cites its location as Omsk, Russia, and contains a common 9ch slogan in the description.<ref>https://twitter.com/devyach</ref>
You can get addicted to certain kind of sensation


In 2008, kuz contracted [[Faggot|HIV]] from a prostitute on a "business" trip to poland.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-131.312-131.424</ref> Critics suggest he actually contracted it from being brutally raped in the Russian [[Soyldiers|Military]], which is a common occurrence.<ref>https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2020/02/17/decade-after-military-reform-hazing-plagues-russian-army-a69309</ref> However kuz never actually served in the military, citing poor eyesight.<ref name=":1" />
Like a cheese smell of the feet, always the feet


==== Political opinions ====
So when we found that we could not make gems
Kuz regularly promotes [[Schizophrenia|alt-right, debunked, fringe, fascist, insurrectionist, democracy-destroying, build-back-better-breaking conspiracy theories]] and disinfo.<ref>Kuz promoted multiple on his twitter, see more below


</ref>
Well you said that we would still post 'jaks


=== Source of wealth ===
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over
Kuz's net worth is about 108M Rubles, or roughly 1.4 Million dollars<ref>Private admission in a 2020 Q&A (link pending)</ref>. He regularly drops large amounts of money on websites he likes in attempts to buy them. Offering "2k for the sharty" at one point. He also bought a website called [[Vidlii]], for an undisclosed number, allgedly about 5,000. In 2021 he bought Gurochan, and has offered 3k for Lainchan, 7k for 7chan, and 21k for 8chan.moe.<ref>Various self-leaked emails over the years. Unknown how many of these offers were serious but at least 2 (Sharty and lainchan) actually began before the admins changed their mind.</ref> His company, KolymaNET, is also the largest internet provider in Omsk, and kuz owns several datacenters in Russia and Turkey.<ref>"[...] We also offer colocation and DDOS protection from our datacenters in Russia, Turkey, and USA." - kolyma.org frontpage</ref>


Some speculate most of his money was gained through an illicit exit scam<ref>The Rychuvak Scandal (see below)</ref>.


The source of his money is unknown, but he has said on a few occasions that it was from "smart investments" and "good luck"<blockquote>"I wasnt born into wealth, I built everything I have myself. I just dont want to give off the appearance of being super intelligent or some sigma billionaire, I was just lucky, I was in the right place at the right time and made a smart investment."     
But you didn't have to duel me off


==Relationship with Soyjak Party==
Soiquote like it never happened and that we were nothing
[[File:IAS Kuzjak.png|alt=|thumb|The Yurijak ariant is a uncommon but quickly growing soyjak variant depicting kuz.]]Kuz has been subject to multiple controversies throughout his career.
Kuz is [[best known for]] for being the center of several major controversies and drama on the 'party, such as CP spam, DDOS attacks, attempts to overthrow [[soot]], [[Vandalism#On_the_Soyjak_Wiki|wiki vandalism]], pro-kuz propaganda spam, psy-ops, doxxing, bad-faith arguments, and others.<ref>[[Schizophrenia]]</ref>


Reception on Kuz amongst 'party users is mixed.<ref name=":2"><nowiki>https://soyjak.party/soy/catalog.html</nowiki></ref> While many admire his willingness to communicate with the userbase, develop software, pay server bills, and engage in community actions like 'jak making, a vast number of 'party users critisize him, citing CP spam, threats, hypocrisy, and more. At any one time the catalog could be overwhelmingly supportive of kuz, to every other thread spiting him.<ref name=":2" />
And I don't even need your (You)'s


=== Contributions ===
But you treat me like a newfag and that feels so rough
Kuz was the originator of multiple trends on the Party. Critics allege that these contributions are part of a coordinated effort to mentally manipulate and demoralise the party's userbase in preparation of a possible takeover; however, as of the time of writing, historic analysis on the authenticity of these trends has yet to be carried out.[[File:ancient_kuz_irc_raid.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Kuz lone-raiding #4chan in october of 2020, using "soyspeak".]]


==== Eearly soyjak-related activity ====
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Kuz's first publicly recorded soyduel was in September of 2020.<ref>https://archive.wakarimasen.moe/qa/thread/3505885</ref> Back then, he had a habit of using what he named "soyspeak" as a way of antagonizing 4chan users.
[[File:Soy.png|thumb|A more "soy" version of the classic yurijak]]


==== Even tho bbc====
Have your friends collect your leebait
Kuz seems to have kickstarted this meme in early November 2021. Though he has noted that he was not the first to make such a thread, he did popularize it by flooding the entire catalog with <span style="color:#117743">>even tho bbc</span> spam and [[BBC]] gibberish in December of 2021.<ref>Catalog on dec 12 2021 and a telegram post made by kuz</ref>


====Alternative rating standards====
And then change your IP
Kuz invented [[iron]] and rustjaks<ref>they did not appear before kuz uploaded them to the booru under his account, he also pushed for their use on his personal website.</ref>, and originally proposed "[[iron]]" and "[[rust]]" as a replacement to [[gem]] and [[coal]]. This later kickstarted other rating systems, based off kuz's original proposal. Such as tseries/pewds, mustard/ketchup, and the elemental rating system. In typical kuz fashion, when it was exposed that the iron/rust grifting was his doing he denied it all and blamed it on hackers.<ref>https://archive.fo/jqIMF</ref>


====Soy_JS TextJaks====
I guess that I don't need that though
Kuz invented Soy_JS textjaks, a type of [[ASCIIjak]] which uses [[Japan|japanese]] character encoding for better results.<ref>https://kwa.devyach.net/soyjak/1.html?</ref>


===Attempted purchase ===
Now you're just soibody that I used to quote
On January 25, Kuz leaked emails between him and [[soot]] wherein soot offered to sell the 'party to kuz.<ref name=":0">https://archive.fo/HSper</ref> However, this thread turned out to be a troll. Soot '''did actually try to sell the site to kuz'''<ref name=":0" />, but after things cleared up in his personal life and he changed his mind, with kuz apparently making this thread just for some [[(You)]]'s after he knew the deal fell through.


The deal was for 600$ in bitcoin in return for ownership of soyjak.party and a backup of the site on the day of the transfer, effectively giving kuz complete control over the site.
Now you're just soibody that I used to quote


Kuz later made another thread criticizing soot for being rude to him, soot apologized but said that Kuz's response to the failed deal was "immature"<ref>https://archive.fo/BngLW</ref>.
Now you're just soibody that I used to quote


Amongst the leaked emails were multiple emails to soot '''which soot answered''' that contained requests for IP's of posters on the 'party, as well as requests for thread deletions for 'legal issues'. Whether soot accepted these requests is unknown.


==Controversies==
Now and then, I think of all the times you stole my gems
[[File:Anti-kuzzer-posts-cp.png|thumb|Anti-Kuz poster accidentally blames kuz for the CP on the same IP he spammed it with]]Kuz has been subject to multiple controversies throughout his career.


===Child Pornography and Pedophilia Allegations===
But had me believing it was always coal that I'd post
[[File:Kuz little girl cunny.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Kuz with a young girl.<sup>[Whats with the costumes?]</sup>]]
Kuz is a commonly cited suspect for the constant CP spam<ref>Mentions of "kuz" and "CP spam" are directly correlated in the catalog.</ref> that has plagued the 'party. Critics allege it's in Kuz's best interest to shut down the 'party as he sees it as a rival<sup>[Citation needed]</sup>. The CP spammer only ever comes online when Kuz is also online, which could mean that they are the same person, Kuz however responds saying this is intentional and that he is being framed, suggesting that one of his critics is doing it to frame him.<ref>Various since-deleted threads on the 'party. Kuz deletes his own threads to prevent them from being archived.</ref>


In February of 2022 another wave of CP and kuz drama hit /soy/ as multiple subtly edited bait and switch videos appeared on the 'log, using a number of famous soyjak videos with CP spliced in to wage psychological war on 'party users.
But I don't wanna post on /kwey/


[[Kuz impersonator|A person alleging to be kuz]] was seen in a Discord screenshot, wherein a user known as "Pollyanna" was repeatedly accused of being part of an "all-swedish pedophile discord cult" where users worshipped a 16 year old girl known as "Hexagonalpeach". Pollyanna never denied her involvement with the group, instead claiming that the group was harmless and it was kuz who was antagonizing them. After a long argument where "kuz" posted several pictures showing "hex cultists" trying to entrap and frame him, the thread was deleted and the argument stopped.
Reading into every post you make
[[File:DON'T TRUST THE RUSKI.png|thumb|The rules on one of kuz's websites that bears no relation to the party or soyjak culture at all. One Chud is certain that this is proof of him wanting to implement the same exotic rules on the 'party to ultimately destroy it.]]


You said that you could let it go


And I wouldn't catch you 'logue dueling


===Datamining===
Soibody that you used to quote


Kuz, or at least his company, is public about his datamining initiatives. His company's protection service, the [[NSS]], openly admits on their site that their goal is to:<blockquote>The NSS is tasked with a variety of tasks, such as monitoring dangerous users, cooperating with the surveillance office to collect and catalog information on certain users, remove internal and external threats, and ensure the social integrity of the whole of the Kolyma Network.</blockquote>The Network Security Service has been involved in a number of scandals and blackmailings, as well as false flag operation, psyops, and even assasinations (seriously).<ref>Kuz has repeatedly threatened to have people who crossed him "handled" and says he can "have anyone anywhere delt with within 24 hours"</ref>


===Controlled Opposition ===
But you didn't have to duel me off
Some users of the 'party believe kuz deliberately hires people to hate him, then makes them act as stupid as possible to give the illusion that his enemies are retarded.


=== Rychuvak Scandal ===
Soiquote like it never happened and that we were nothing
Kuz was involved in a crypto exit scam where 31538 bitcoin were stolen, though he got away with blaming most of the crime on his partner, Vass Boldizar.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-123.0-151.460</ref> In 2012, that was just about USD $400,000, although the valuation of the bitcoins that were stolen has only gone up in time.


Bitcoin had recently seen one of its signature spikes, when according to kuz, Vass had his men barge in to the server room, unload several racks of servers into vans and drove away, never to be seen again.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-123.0-151.460</ref>
And I don't even need your (You)'s


As of 2022, the valuation of these stolen bitcoins would be about $1,335,355,151.
But you treat me like a newfag and that feels so rough


The fact that kuz is not a billionaire (in fact, he has less than 1/200th of that number) gives credit to the story that he was not the orchestrator of the plan.
No, you didn't have to stoop so low


===Manipulating the dailyjak===
Have your friends collect your leebait
The [https://t.me/s/dailyjak dailyjak] is a pro-Kuz [[soyjak]]-oriented propaganda telecommunications network which regularly provides news posts and updates on the latest trends in jakking. It regularly provides news and updates on the 'party, and if they involve kuz, they are careful to not portray him negatively.


===Tax evasion===
And then change your IP
Kuz fled Russia in 2014 for tax evasion.<ref><nowiki>https://uyk2021.github.io</nowiki></ref>


=== Anti-Vaccine disinfo===
I guess that I don't need that though
Kuz regularly retweets anti-[[vaccine]] disinfo on his twitter account.<ref><nowiki>https://twitter.com/yurimkuznetsov</nowiki></ref>


===Cybercrime===
Now you're just soibody that I used to quote
On January 26, chuds called out for kuzs websites to be DDOS'd. Minutes later, the 'party started issuing "DDoS attack warnings" and forcing users to click verify (doxx themselves to the [[NSS]]) before they could post.


Kuz once hacked the imageboard of one of his rivals and made it redirect to an expose.<ref>https://archive.fo/HGJlw (Look at the "redirected from" part)</ref>
Now you're just soibody that I used to quote


=== Support for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea ===
On November 26, 2021, Kuz retweeted<ref>https://twitter.com/Mango_Press_/status/1464245603563618332?cxt=HHwWuICyhcvnhdIoAAAA</ref> a debunked conspiracy theory alleging that the [[wikipedia:Sony_Pictures_hack|2014 Sony Pictures hack]] was a falseflag operation by the United States government to damage the international reputation of North Korea.


== Downfall and dissaperance ==
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8PUAhtOtuM Listen on YouTube]
In early 2022, once it became clear that [[Soot]] would not sell him [[Soyjak.party|the 'party]], Kuz entered into a deep depressive state and noticeably changed. On February 5th, 2022, Kuz made his final post announcing that he was leaving the scene forever.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220206054043/soyjak.party/soy//res/322024.html</ref> The next morning, the US State Department announced that Kuz had been found dead at his Memphis estate.


He is buried at Staro-Vostochnoye Kladbishche cemetary in his native Omsk, Russia.[[File:Concerned fishjak at computer.png|thumb|{{Quote|>Actually he just made a troll post and is still here, Soiteens seem to be incapable of ignoring a bait as long as the topic is somehow related to kuz, which is evident just by taking a quick look at the recent state of the catalog, where kuz is mentioned about 150 times.}}]]
== A Kwah Song (Parody of That's Life by Frank Sinatra) ==
[[File:Thatskwah.png|thumb|448x448px|                                                 ''That's /qa/'']]
That´s qa (kwahh)


===Alleged sightings===
(thats qaaaa)
There have been NO sightings of kuz. He is NOT alive. You WILL take your medications.


Actually he just made a troll post and is still here, [[Schizophrenia|Soiteens]] seem to be incapable of ignoring a bait as long as the topic is somehow related to kuz, which is evident just by taking a quick look at the recent state of the catalog, where kuz is mentioned about 150 times.
That´s what all the jakkers say
=See also (datamining link, do not click)=
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20211105044734/https://info.kolyma.org/kuz.html info.kolyma.org/kuz.html] - Kuz's own wiki article (biased)
*[https://kuz.lol Kuz's personal website]
*[[soot|kuz's alt]]


=Citations=
You´re riding high on v, shot down by the jannie
<references />
 
But i know im gonna change the board
 
When I´m back on qa, back on qa in 3 days
 
 
I said thats qa
 
(thats waaa)
 
And as based it may seem
 
some jakkers get their bans
 
stomping on their cheese
 
But i dont let it, let it get me cucked
 
cause this fine old board, keeps getting spammed
 
 
I´ve been a jakker, a fruiter , a sweden a norgen
 
A soy and a frog
 
I´ve been quoted, replayed called gemmy and coal
 
And i dont look like this
 
Each time i race bait
 
sometimes to lee
 
I reply to myself up and get
 
Back in the meds
 
 
Thats qa(kwahhh)
 
I tell you, i cant deny it
 
i though of breakfast for dinner
 
But my wife´son aint gonna buy it
 
and if i didnt think it was worth a single though
 
I´d ip ban the ponny posters and then I´d jack
 
 
I´ve been a tranime, a thrembo , a chino, a yeyi
 
A cop and a chud
 
I´ve been in of qa, and out of qa
 
and i know 1 thing
 
Each time i find myself "postinng"
 
´vocado´s treat
 
I just pick myself a vpn and get
 
Back in qa
 
 
Thats qa
 
(Thats qaaa)
 
Thats qa and i cant deny it
 
Many times i´ve duel the jackies, but im not taking my meds
 
But if there´s no bbc spam this here tonight
 
Im gonna get myself ready
 
open my jack folder andddddddddd SPAMMMMM
 
my, my
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2mLj-fWXoA Listen on YouTube]
 
== The /QA/ Anthem (Parody of What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong) ==
[[File:Wer4sgresg.png|thumb|393x393px|                                  ''What a wonderful board'']]
I see frogs of green
 
Soiposters too
 
I see them spam
 
For me and you
 
And I think to myself
 
What a wonderful board
 
 
I see bait with (You)s
 
No janny in sight
 
The "delete /pol/" plight
 
And I think to myself
 
What a wonderful board
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Vl4bEuNGOU Listen on YouTube]
 
== Home Board by Lil 'Jakkin ft. Svenska Beat prod. by TK47 ==
[[File:Fgwe4fwefewf.png|thumb|409x409px|                        ''<nowiki/>'jaks 'jaks 'jaks spitting facts facts facts'']]
[intro]
 
oh shiiiitt
 
this goes out to all my fellow 'jakkers and schizos
 
keeping it real keeping it fun
 
let's do this
 
 
[verse 1]
 
lil 'jakkin back on the scene
 
catalog's coal but I'm spilling my seed
 
churning out OC making haters OD
 
this a 'jak website and it's always gonna be
 
 
and I was gone for a few days
 
got rangebanned like um okay
 
chilled for a bit in the party
 
but now I'm back on my proxy
 
 
little bit of win here with svenska beat (ja)
 
you'll be bumping this gem for the next few weeks
 
we're nonstop 'jakkin can't stop the show
 
don't care if I fucking bleed to death, ohhhh!
 
 
[bridge]
 
yeah /qa/ is my ridge (ja)
 
chilling in my home board
 
just keep posting shit (win)
 
never ever get bored
 
cause /qa/ is my ridge (ja)
 
chilling in my home board
 
just keep posting shit (svenska)
 
never ever get bored
 
 
[chorus]
 
'jaks 'jaks 'jaks
 
spitting facts facts facts
 
eating yeji bug snacks
 
fueling up, dueling to the max
 
ducks going /qa/ck
 
putting out these mad tracks
 
tranny janny relax
 
fix that wound from an axe, OOH!
 
 
[verse 2]
 
fucked that enbie bitch, that's a fire-ass hoe
 
her sister aspie too, well? she's loud as fuck though
 
and maybe I'll hang for this but I gotta say my shit
 
I prefer the pinejak slut with that bussy and dick
 
 
I ain't gay but that 'jak was giving fuck me eyes
 
went to bed with that ass and got a one eyed surprise
 
he killed me with his fingers and I bust a nut
 
now I banana phone him up when I'm horny for that butt
 
 
enough about my lovers this a shoutout to my brothers
 
repping /qa/ you know we look out for each other
 
bumping one another's threads and saging the invaders
 
[s4s], /bant/, and /lgbt/ see you all later
 
 
and I'm cool with the frogs keeping /qa/ comfy
 
and the gigachads too, y'know you're all my homies
 
but give respect to the 'jak cause you know we deserve it
 
thread after thread but our game stays perfect
 
 
[bridge]
 
yeah /qa/ is my ridge (ja)
 
chilling in my home board
 
just keep posting shit (win)
 
never ever get bored
 
cause /qa/ is my ridge (ja)
 
chilling in my home board
 
just keep posting shit (svenska)
 
never ever get bored
 
 
[chorus]
 
'jaks 'jaks 'jaks
 
spitting facts facts facts
 
eating yeji bug snacks
 
fueling up, dueling to the max
 
ducks going /qa/ck
 
putting out these mad tracks
 
tranny janny relax
 
fix that wound from an axe, OOH!
 
 
[outro (svenska beat)]
 
ja ja svenska win
 
svenska win ja ja
 
ja ja svenska win (okay!)
 
svenska win ja ja (alright)
 
ja ja svenska win
 
svenska win ja ja (oooh shit hahaha)
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KCpoeOlTrg Listen on YouTube]
== End of Quay (Parody of Komm,susser Tod by Arianne) ==
[[File:Cefca57f4a87be6d377971c1ecfa00a3.png|thumb|327x327px|              ''What once was gemmy, now is coal'']]I know, I know i've let you down
 
I've been a fool to myself
 
I thought I could raid the jannies' board
 
But now, through all the bants and fails
 
It's time for me to accept the troons
 
you hate me more than anything
 
 
So, with cringeness in my soul
 
I feel the best thing i could do
 
Is send the rakes, and leaf the party
 
What's fail is fail, and it feels so bad
 
What once was gemmy, now is coal
 
I'll never post again, /qa/ is dented
 
I wish that I could turn back time
 
'Cause now /qa/ is not mine,
 
can't life without the salt from those you've bowled
 
I know you can't forget the OCs
 
You can't forget 'jaks and troons
 
Because of that, it's Troonjak Suicide
 
 
It all returns to nothing
 
The party's tumbling down x3
 
It all returns to nothing
 
Soot just keeps
 
Letting me down x3
 
 
In my gems of gems I know that I could never post again
 
I've lost every duel, every duel
 
Everything that matters to me
 
Matters to me in this bowl
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqHpoH-4450 Listen on YouTube]
== 'Jakkin Anthem by Svenska Beat ==
[[File:43424234.png|thumb|490x490px|                ''<nowiki/>'jak it proud, quote it loud, a purge can't stop our 'jakkin crowd'']]
ja svenska beat here just got outta the asylum
 
that place is crazy hahahahahahha
 
 
ja, was put at the psych ward a while
 
far away from my home board (kwah!)
 
so far from my country (sverige!)
 
stuck in solitary there (ja!)
 
 
but Soistein came to give me the jab
 
and I broke my cuffs on his rock hard abs
 
ran out the door and all through the place
 
'till I touched grass outside of the gates
 
 
couldn't find my crew, lil 'jakkin
 
but beat don't need feats to get crackin'
 
so here's a single for the anons waiting
 
take a minute to stop 'jaksturbating and
 
 
[chorus]
 
'jak it proud (ja!) quote it loud
 
a purge can't stop our 'jakkin crowd
 
the chuds and schizos sproking out
 
oh I can hear them posting now
 
don't slow down and don't give in
 
ja, 'jaks are gem and 'jaks are win
 
so marge to the beat of the drum
 
all the coalers left in confusion
 
 
glowing agents hot on my tail
 
in the same van as the 'wegian fail
 
see the light in my rear view mirror
 
but I vibrate higher so they disapear
 
 
can't handle this gemming energy
 
that's why they're known as NPCs
 
one eye on the road, one on the 'log
 
watch out for hanging tranny hogs
 
 
just remember have fun with it
 
and if they call it coal just run with it
 
'till the sun sets on our board
 
we post on our own accord
 
 
no shills or chasing money
 
just creative skills and funny
 
a forgotten art to some
 
we were once what we've become
 
 
JA COME ON NOW!
 
 
[chorus]
 
'jak it proud (ja!) quote it loud
 
a purge can't stop our 'jakkin crowd
 
the chuds and schizos sproking out
 
oh I can hear them posting now
 
don't slow down and don't give in
 
ja, 'jaks are gem and 'jaks are win
 
so marge to the beat of the drum
 
all the coalers left in confusion
 
 
hahahaha ja svenska win forever
 
bumping gems to the grave
 
peace!
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j5FL60AwX8 Listen on YouTube]
 
== Viva La Kwey (Parody of Viva La Vida by Coldplay) ==
[[File:62ccfe3af9e6cc3460ea17615dcd5a6d.png|thumb|512x512px|                                        ''And that was when I ruled the board'']]
I used to rule the board
 
Spam would rise when I gave the word
 
Now in the morning I sleep alone
 
See the ruins of my old home
 
 
I used to roll the dice
 
Feed the seethe in /lgbt/'s eyes
 
Quench my joy with troon soijaks
 
Now the oldfag is dead
 
Long live the- ACK!
 
One minute I felt the keyd
 
Next the board was locked on me
 
And I discovered that my /kwey/ bros stand
 
Upon pillars of coals the pillars of /bant/
 
 
I hear the janitorial stuff is seething
 
Payless moderators are dilating
 
Be my proxy, my script and meds
 
My schizophrenic army in foreign threads
 
For some reason I can't explain
 
Once /kwey/ is gone, there is never
 
Never a honest word
 
And that was when I ruled the board
 
 
It was the wicked and wild wind
 
Cleaned up the stables to let me in
 
Shadow threads and the sound of ACKs!
 
People couldn't believe what became of soijaks
 
Moderators eagerly stand
 
For my ip range on a permaban
 
Just a 'jakker in a lonely space
 
God who would ever take my place
 
 
I hear the janitorial stuff is seething
 
Payless moderators are dilating
 
Be my proxy, my script and meds
 
My schizophrenic army in foreign threads
 
For some reason I can't explain
 
I know Saint 'Cobson wont call my name
 
Never a honest word
 
And that was when I ruled the board
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tJaH11v4Pk Listen on YouTube]
 
== Gem Cobbity by David Thoughie (Parody of Space Oddity by David Bowie) ==
 
[[File:Bowie.png|thumb|424x424px|                        ''Can you hear me Major Cob?'']]
 
Gem Control to Major Cob
 
Gem Control to Major Cob
 
Take your schizo meds and sew your ears on
 
Gem Control to Major Cob (ten, nine, eight, seven, thrembo)
 
Drinking soylent, ingesting bugs (six, five, four)
 
Check vaccination and may Science be with you (three, two, one)
 
 
This is Gem Control to Major Cob
 
You've made 'jak of the day
 
And the chuds want to know which gems you bump
 
Now it's time to post a thread if you dare
 
-"This is Major Cob to Gem Control
 
I'm spamming onions posts
 
And I'm sproking in a most peculiar way
 
And the 'log looks very different today
 
For here
 
Am I posting on the 'party
 
Far above the 'ru
 
slash-Q-A is blue
 
And there's nothing I can do
 
 
Though I've won one hundred thousand duels
 
I'm feeling very nas
 
And I think my browser know which posts to quote
 
Tell soot I love him very much-"he knows
 
Ground Control to Major Cob
 
Your proxy's dead, there's something wrong
 
Can you hear me Major Cob?
 
Can you hear me Major Cob?
 
Can you hear me Major Cob?
 
Can you-"Here I am scrolling through my folder
 
Far above the 'ru
 
Slash-Q-A is blue
 
And there's nothing I can do
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWTj2yNnYMU Listen on YouTube]
 
== Cobbo by 6ixϪhrembo (Parody of GUMMO by 6ix9ine) ==
[[File:465335763413.png|thumb|371x371px|                                          ''Cob Gang!'']]
Niggers coaly tho, cobson got the gemmy tho
 
Got the 'jakky, tho janny is a tranny, tho
 
(Cob Gang!)
 
 
Quote these chuddys like a script-y nigga, you a soy-y nigga
 
On the 'rty with them Norway niggas, and them SwedeWIN niggas
 
You run up and they raiding niggas, we ain't jannies nigga
 
No soot, you a loser nigga, up that rangeban nigga
 
 
On the four, trannies posting coal, I'm raiding them some more
 
He wanna be a woman -ACK!, rope caught him just before the floor
 
Man it's sad, I caught a perma, the jannies know the score
 
They be spending 15 years on the tranime incel board
 
 
In the kway my niggas be posting gems, my niggas 'cobsons bop
 
Catch a ban posting troons, janny working round the clock
 
Post some gemmys to the booru, I grinded for my spot
 
Chuds talking 'bout them jaks but my gems be worth a lot
 
 
I don't fuck with no NAS coal, only gems, tho
 
Spam the nucob in the catalog, let the janny clean it up
 
I don't save it that's a coal jak, thats a dust jak
 
I'ma post it then delete it, keep the gem jak
 
 
I'm on some raid a tranny's shit, take a janny's bitch
 
On the board in the whip, making jaks in the whip
 
I post up with a cob, I let that shit hit
 
Shout out, but I made the janny quit
 
 
Niggers coaly tho cobson got the gemmy tho
 
Got the 'jakky, tho janny is a tranny, tho
 
All my cobs, booru's got fifty tho
 
Call it coal, pew pew pew, you silly tho
 
 
Post a thread, chuds mad, replies a hunnid
 
Page 40, grab a Cob and then I bump it
 
Quote me, im quoting back, my folder, dump it
 
I aint wanna coal this thread, but nigga fuck it
 
 
I'm on some raid a tranny's shit, take a janny's bitch
 
On the board in the whip, making jaks in the whip
 
I post up with a cob, I let that shit hit
 
Shout out, but I made the janny quit
 
 
I'm on some raid a tranny's shit, take a janny's bitch
 
On the board in the whip, making jaks in the whip
 
I post up with a cob, I let that shit hit
 
Shout out, but I made the janny quit
 
 
(Cob Gang!)
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2bXJTBTd9I Listen on YouTube]
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxWehSlgJ1g Nutwave Version]
 
== Gemmy by 6ixϪhrembo (Parody of Billy by 6ix9ine) ==
[[File:0c11cd9a2e33614b7339da4edca1063e.png|thumb|374x374px|                  ''We post cob, cob, cob, cob, cob, nigga'']]
That's my thread, get up in they replies
 
Post your jaks, let your gems shine, jakka
 
These niggas just postin' dust fuckin' coal, man
 
Follow protocol, Chud, quote in they fuckin' posts, jakka
 
(Cob Gang!)
 
We the fuckin' C.O.B. , jakka
 
These niggas seethe different
 
We don't seethe, jakka
 
We make niggas seethe, Chud
 
THRϪMBWAY
 
 
These soyteens say they heard of me, I ain't heard of you
 
Got no replies on your fuckin' threads, that's zero (you)s
 
Trannies sayin Nojak is coal, hate on Cobson too
 
Whole booru full my fuckin' edits, check your folder fool
 
Posting gems, gems, gems, gems, gems, nigga
 
Everbody posting no-, no-jaks, nigga
 
Your neck go "ack, ack, ack, ack, ack," nigga
 
We post cob, cob, cob, cob, cob, nigga
 
 
It's always nas coal this and nas coal that
 
Pissbabies in my threads and on my 'jaks
 
These samefags sayin they coal even tho they gems
 
Hit that catty refresh, y'all know where 6ixϪhremb at
 
I don't trace, yeah, MS Paint like shitjaks, yeah
 
Deformed, coalish, add the fuckin' color
 
Page 1, quote on the nigga, who cobbed ya?
 
Meds now, somebody call fuckin' Soyberg!
 
Sex up in that Chino, call that shit wifey, wifey
 
They be like "she so attractive" on the party
 
she's so beautiful, when I hit her cervix
 
Flood the booru with Swolejak and Chino pics
 
She so cute tho, having sex with chi-no
 
Although they be saying that she chirno
 
Wrong girl, not tranime like touhou
 
pink haired chika, I don't really see it tho
 
 
These soyteens say they heard of me, I ain't heard of you
 
Got no replies on your fuckin' threads, that's zero (you)s
 
Trannies sayin Nojak is coal, hate on Cobson too
 
Whole booru full my fuckin' edits, check your folder fool
 
Posting gems, gems, gems, gems, gems, nigga
 
Everbody posting no-, no-jaks, nigga
 
Your neck go "ack, ack, ack, ack, ack," nigga
 
We post cob, cob, cob, cob, cob, nigga
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk Listen on YouTube]
 
== Cobman by David Thoughie (Parody of Starman by David Bowie) ==
[[File:8957645234213.png|thumb|414x414px|                ''There's a party, a jakker's paradise'']]
I was browsing 4chan, and the threads were coal-oal-oal
 
Moved to the kway, and I saw some po-ost-osts
 
Some teen was making Cobsons
 
Posting them, "He's a gem" he said
 
Then the board's gone, no more /qa/-ay-ay
 
Mods mad,  /lgbt/ had a troonjak rai-aid-aid
 
That weren't no coal, that was a shining glistening gem
 
 
There's a party, a jakker's paradise
 
There's colorjaks and cobsons
 
And their gems will blow your mind
 
There's a party, a jakker's paradise
 
Soot told us not to blow it
 
Let the CP spam subside
 
He told me
 
Let the trannies ACK it
 
Let chudcels browse it
 
Let all the soyteens boogie
 
 
I saw my Jak posted on the booru-ru-ru
 
Hey, that's a gem, you saw my thread too, ooh ooh
 
I'm browsing /raid/, maybe we'll steal a GET on 4chan too
 
Look at my thread, it's time to mass reply-y-y
 
The janny's seething,  I'll get banned tonight-ight-igh
 
If I get perma'd I'll just post from my phone in spite
 
 
There's a party, a jakker's paradise
 
There's colorjaks and cobsons
 
And their gems will blow your mind
 
There's a party, a jakker's paradise
 
Soot told us not to blow it
 
Let the CP spam subside
 
He told me
 
Let the trannies ACK it
 
Let chudcels browse it
 
Let all the soyteens boogie
 
 
-party, a jakker's paradise
 
There's colorjaks and cobsons
 
And their gems will blow your mind
 
There's a party, a jakker's paradise
 
Soot told us not to blow it
 
Let the CP spam subside
 
He told me
 
Let the trannies ACK it
 
Let chudcels use it
 
Let all the soyteens boogie
 
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncUXEnb1Wl0 Listen on YouTube]
 
== Trannymaniacs (Parody of Animaniacs) ==
[[File:64325324234.png|thumb|467x467px|                                          ''It's time for Trannymaniacs'']]
It's time for Trannymaniacs
 
They're disgusting to the max
 
Autogynephiliacs
 
They wear skirts instead of slacks
 
They're Trannymaniacs
 
Come join them on the discord server pronouns "she" and "her"
 
Soon enough they rope and they will change to "was" and "were"
 
They insist you call them "ma'am" though they look just like a "sir"
 
Adam's apple
 
Wide clavicle
 
Futa connoisseur
 
They are the Trannymaniacs
 
There's an axe-wound in their pants
 
They just can't accept the facts
 
They're looney to the max
 
They're Trannymaniacs
 
They say "Age is just a number," whenever they are found
 
Grooming minors on the internet or on the playground
 
They wait in women's restrooms when no one is around
 
Then they pop out
 
And whip it out
 
And swing it all around
 
They are the Trannymaniacs
 
They think they're cute but make me yak
 
No they can't transition back
 
But they're calling you the quack
 
They're trannymany
 
Totally insaney
 
Fucked up in the brainy
 
Trannymaniacs
 
Those are the facts
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lq5CVZIUcXY Listen on YouTube (censored version because YouTube jannies deleted it)]
 
[https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/5065 Uncensored version on Soyjak.su (Formerly OnionsBooru)]
 
== Another Day of Soy (Parody of Another Day of Sun by Justin Hurwitz) ==
[[File:Lalaland.png|thumb|386x386px|                            ''And it’s another day of soy'']]
Ba-ba-da-ba da-ba-da-ba
 
Ba-ba-ba ba-da-ba-da-ba
 
Ba-ba-ba ba
 
 
I think about /qa/
 
I left it at on that day after jannies took it away
 
We were just soyteens but it was fun and it was true
 
Still I did what I had to do
 
‘Cause I just knew
 
 
Summer Friday night
 
We’d log into /tv/
 
Right as the mods called it a night
 
An anime board made out of bane and his friend sneed
 
It called me on to post some jaks
 
As well as feed & seed
 
 
With only some image macros
 
They all called me a schizo
 
But it didn’t matter though
 
 
They’ll have to see
 
 
Cause maybe in that sleepy thread
 
That’s where we will both soyduel
 
You’ll see my posts and think of how you used to be like me
 
 
Post some jaks
 
I’m getting jannies mad
 
Having them work overtime
 
 
And when they strike me down
 
I’ll know that I have won
 
I’ll just evade the ban
 
And it’s another day of soy
 
 
I see ‘em ev’ry day
 
The complaints of 4chuds
 
Who never cease to call me gay
 
All that coal they post
 
And not a Cobson in sight
 
They say that my board /qa/ has lost
 
So I soyquote with might
 
 
And even when the moral’s low
 
Or I’m not sure what to do though
 
The gemmies and my party bros
 
Are all I need
 
 
And someday as I post a gem
 
A newchud will take the helm
 
 
That’ll will be the thing to push him on and go go
 
 
Post some jaks
 
Getting them jannies mad
 
Having them work overtime
 
 
And when they strike you down
 
You’ll know that you have won
 
You’ll just evade the ban
 
And it’s another day of soy
 
 
And when they strike you down
 
You’ll restart your router
 
It’s another day of soy
 
It’s another day of soy
 
It’s another day of soy
 
It’s another day of soy
 
Just another day of soy
 
It's another day of soy
 
Another day has just begun
 
It's another day of soy
 
 
It's another day of soy
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y5dqA8CLlg Listen on YouTube]
 
== Sharty Boi ft. Crystal Cafe (Parody of Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne) ==
[[File:3500 - 613527fbfb2cb301b5077b2e1c251795.png|thumb|437x437px|                                  ''He was a chud, she was a troon'']]
He was a chud, she was a troon
 
Can I make it any more obvious?
 
He liked to 'jak, she used 'cafe
 
What more can I say
 
He wanted her, she'd never tell
 
Secretly she wanted him as well
 
But all of her friends, turned up their nose
 
They had a problem with his sooty posts
 
 
He was a 'party boy
 
She said see you later boy
 
He wasn't good enough for her
 
She had a hairy face
 
And her dick was in the waste
 
She needed to come down back to earth
 
 
Five years from now
 
She sits at home
 
Browsing the 'cafe she's all alone
 
She opens 'party, guess who she sees
 
Sooty boy postin gems up on /b/
 
She calls up her troons
 
They already know
 
And they've all got proxies to see his posts
 
She tags alone, stares up at the 'jaks
 
Looks up at the man that she turned- ACK!
 
 
He was a 'party boy
 
She said see you later boy
 
He wasn't good enough for her
 
Now he gets tons of (you)s
 
Posting gems from the 'ru
 
Does your manly face see what he's worth?
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KiBMIlfrkA Listen on YouTube]
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOZpLJx2o-M Nutwave Version]
 
== Banned Young (Parody of Die Young by Ke$ha) ==
[[File:5101 - 1013b9e504f9868f48529a8dd7e274e2.png|thumb|359x359px|''We're getting banned young'']]
I see your gem bump to the top of page one
 
Oh, what a shame that the janny's gonna come
 
So while you're here in the 'log
 
Let's make the most of the thread, like we're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
 
Young Chuds, out our minds, raidin' 'til we outta time
 
Gem jaks, lookin' good, fill the board just like we should
 
Don't care who's watchin' when we floodin' 4cuck (You know)
 
Those proxies that we got, nobody can touch (Fo' sho')
 
 
Lookin' for some trouble tonight (Yeah)
 
Take my jaks, we'll make the troon jannies cry
 
Like it's the last raid of our lives (Uh-huh)
 
We'll keep gemmin' 'til we die
 
 
I see your gem bump to the top of page one
 
Oh, what a shame that the janny's gonna come
 
So while you're here in the 'log
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
 
Troonjaks getting shot, hanging till their necks crack off
 
Gem go up, Cob on log, bumo, gimme all you got
 
Toiletniggers stealing shit 'fore you flush (You know)
 
Those Pinejaks in your thread, they're makin' me blush (Fo' sho')
 
 
Lookin' for some trouble tonight (Yeah)
 
Take my jaks, we'll make the troon jannies cry
 
Like it's the last raid of our lives (Uh-huh)
 
We'll keep gemmin' 'til we die
 
 
I see your gem bump to the top of page one
 
Oh, what a shame that the janny's gonna come
 
So while you're here in the 'log
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
 
We're getting banned young
 
We're getting banned young
 
Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young
 
 
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYycsJ2FDm4 Listen on YouTube]
 
== Songs with no Vocaroo ==
=== When Cobby Comes Marching Home (Parody of When Johnny Comes Marching Home by Patrick Gilmore) ===
When Cobby comes marching home again
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
We'll give him a 'sharty welcome then
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
All the troons will seethe, the mods will shout
 
The jannies they will all sperg out
 
And we'll all feel gay
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
Don't forget /qa/
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
Get ready for the 4chud GETs,
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
We'll give the hero sexts or septs,
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
Well, the soyak gems are ready now
 
To god-king Cobson, all will bow,
 
And we'll all feel gay
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
Don't forget /qa/
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
In twenty hundred and twenty-one
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
That's when Clean Stable begun,
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
In twenty hundred and twenty-two,
 
Mods fear the /raid/ purview,
 
And we'll all drink Sproke wine,
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
And we'll all drink Sproke wine,
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
In twenty hundred and twenty, see,
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
Old Soot, created the 'sharty
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
In twenty hundred and twenty, he,
 
Old Soot, created the 'sharty
 
And we'll all drink Sproke wine,
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
And we'll all drink Sproke wine,
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
In 'vember 'twenty-one we were blessed,
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
Cob claimed ten million on [s4s],
 
Hurrah! Hurrah!
 
In nineteen-hundred and ninety-two,
 
A god was born anew,
 
And we'll all drink Sproke wine
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
And we'll all drink Sproke wine
 
When Cobby comes marching home.
 
=== Old Kwah Road by Lil IAS X ft. Billy Ray Soyrus (Parody of Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus) ===
[Chorus: Billy Ray Soyrus]
 
Yeah, I'm gonna take my gems to the tranny board
 
I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
I'm gonna bump these gems way up from page 10
 
I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
[Verse 1: Lil IAS X]
 
I got the troonjaks going ACK!
 
Cobson is attached
 
Folder full of 'jaks
 
Got the VPN to match
 
Spammin' with the party
 
You can call your janny
 
I been posting gemmies
 
Sliding your threads off the 'log, now
 
[Refrain: Lil IAS X]
 
Can't no janny tell me nothin'
 
You can't tell me nothin'
 
Can't no tranny tell me nothin'
 
You can't tell me nothin'
 
[Verse 2: Lil IAS X]
 
New IP from Tuxler
 
Sproke all in my bladder
 
Running from the CP
 
Saging all the coalers
 
Janny is a tranny
 
Roleplay in IRC
 
Axe wound looking nasty
 
Doing it all for free
 
[Refrain: Lil IAS X]
 
Can't no janny tell me nothin'
 
He can't tell me nothin'
 
Can't no tranny tell me nothin'
 
He can't tell me nothin'
 
[Chorus: Lil IAS X]
 
Yeah, I'm gonna take my gems to the tranny board
 
I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
I'm gonna bump these gems back up to page one
 
I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
[Verse 3: Billy Ray Soyrus]
 
Threads down, gem town, catalog looks real keyed
 
Hitting the thread limit on my brand new IP
 
Chudcels sproking out with toiletniggers and dead trannies
 
Give that gem a bumo with my animated OC
 
Got no bans, I evade all that
 
I'm like a samefag man with my fruitjak spam
 
Wish I could 'jak on back to that old kwah board
 
I wanna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
[Chorus: Lil IAS X & Billy Ray Soyrus]
 
Yeah, I'm gonna take my gems to the tranny board
 
I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
I'm gonna bump these gems way up from page 10
 
I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more
 
=== Soylent Rain (Parody of Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday) ===
Soylent rain
 
Some say "gem" and others dillate in pain
 
Soylent rain
 
Tranny porn will die not before the sin
 
Soylent rain
 
The discord says it can't be here again
 
Soylent rain
 
The 'loggy makes you wonder where it went
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Lock a board and say that teens are out
 
Soylent rain
 
Zoom out and see there's an OC drought
 
Soylent rain
 
A duel to be had had died yesterday
 
Soylent rain
 
You look like this and that is what you say
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Raised suicie rates by including chuds
 
Soylent rain
 
Makes us happy livin' in the pod
 
Soylent rain
 
Made me post a Sneed the other day
 
Soylent rain
 
Killed off so kikes can have their own way
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Culture ruined by a brainwashed youth
 
Soylent rain
 
Using (You)s to teach a different truth
 
Soylent rain
 
Seldom posted without getting a ban
 
Soylent rain
 
It's the meme that your jannies call spam
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Worse than child porn, worse than politics
 
Soylent rain
 
Mention it and get called schizophrenic
 
Soylent rain
 
Rent free in their minds and in their dreams
 
Soylent rain
 
Wish real hard it becomes a forced meme
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Makes bantoids cry and scream with hate
 
Soylent rain
 
Reduced to wojaks so a point is made
 
Soylent rain
 
All pleas are shamelessly tossed away
 
Soylent rain
 
Stays behind as garbage celebrates
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Same post has a longer ban to evade
 
Soylent rain
 
The mods swear that they don't make that face
 
Soylent rain
 
A sad truth on the state of affairs
 
Soylent rain
 
You had fun but angry men don't care
 
 
Soylent rain
 
Frogs and weebs blame it for OCS
 
Soylent rain
 
But it was used once for something else
 
Soylent rain
 
Raiding /lgbt/, /v/ and /mu/
 
Soylent rain
 
Cleans the coal out of the party's 'ru
 
 
Soylent rain
 
'Cross the web and back it's all the same
 
Soylent rain
 
Soibros cry and shake their heads in shame
 
Soylent rain
 
Calls out the cheese that has long been missed
 
Soylent rain
 
A minor joke makes newfags really pissed
 
 
Soylent rain
 
More than trolling, more than making bants
 
Soylent rain
 
Blank future molded by your own hands
 
=== La Fête (Parody of La Résistance by Trey Parker and Matt Stone) ===
OP:
 
Soot has smiled upon you this day
 
The fate of our homeboard in your hands
 
And blessed be the 'jakkers
 
We who fight with all our bravery
 
'Til only the righteous stand
 
You see the distant raids
 
They bellow in the 'log
 
You fight with all your 'jaks
 
and ignore the chaddie's frogs
 
And when you all get banned
 
And cannot carry on
 
Though you die, the 'party lives on
 
All the soyMEN:
 
You may get banned for a week
 
By a janny or a troon
 
You may be perma'd to death
 
Or get doxxed or worse
 
But when they rangeban you
 
You will not feel the need to run
 
For, though you die, the 'party lives on
 
Swaglord:
 
Blame Soyteens, blame Soyteens
 
Because /qa/ has gone awry
 
Tomorrow night, these teens will die
 
Jannies:
 
Tomorrow night our lives will change
 
Tomorrow night we'll be enraged
 
A dilation, what a sight, tomorrow night
 
/qa/cker:
 
Up there there is so much room
 
Where jakker's duel and Leebaiters chad
 
Tomorrow night, up there is doomed
 
And so I will post 'cado soon
 
/bant/ jakkers:
 
Shut your fucking face, tranny janny
 
You're a dilating troon, tranny janny
 
Looks like we might be out of luck
 
Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked
 
Soyteens:
 
Why did the jannies start this war?
 
What-the-fuck are they fighting for?
 
When did this song become a marathon?
 
/qa/cker:
 
(I want to post up there)
 
Swaglord:
 
When Soyteens are dead and gone
 
They'll be no more Cobson songs
 
Soyteens:
 
They may rangeban your town
 
And sell your data to jews
 
And though it hurts, you'll laugh
 
And you sing your perma'd tune
 
But that's the way it goes
 
In war you're shat upon
 
Though we die, the sharty lives on
 
/qa/ckers:
 
(I want to post up there)
 
Swaglord:
 
Blame Soyteens, blame Soyteens, blame Soyteens
 
=== SauberStall (Parody of Panzerkapf by Sabaton) ===
[[File:Panzerkampfcover.png|thumb|It's time to ACK!]]
Into the motherland
 
The Soy teen army march
 
In  /lgbt/ autum 2021
 
Jannies line up in thousands as far the eye can see
 
Ready for the onslaught
 
Ready for the fight
 
Waiting for /qa/ to march into the trap
 
Ropes are placed in darkness
 
In the cover of the night
 
Waiting to be tied up
 
When the time is right
 
Imminent invasion, imminent attack
 
Once the raid has started
 
There’s no turning back
 
The end of /qa/ draws near
 
It’s time has come to an end
 
The end of an era is here
 
It’s time to ACK!
 
[Chorus:]
 
Into the motherland the soyteen army march
 
Trannies stand side by side to stop the Sharty charge
 
Troonjaks on /lgbt/ a thunder in the east
 
One million men at war
 
The Jannies wrath unleashed!
 
‘Catty of /lgbt/
 
Where the heat of battle burned
 
Suffered heavy losses
 
And the tide of war was turned
 
Driving back the Soyteens
 
Fighting on four boards
 
Hunt them out of 4chan
 
Out of Jannie land
 
Range-ban all the proxies
 
Force /qa/ to retreat
 
Reserves hop on VC
 
Securing their defeat
 
Jannies of /lgbt/
 
Broke the citadel
 
Ruins of a board
 
/qa/ rest in heaven
 
The end of /qa/ draws near
 
Its time has come to an end
 
The end of an era is here
 
Its time to ACK!
 
[Chorus]
 
Onward sisters! Onwards for the future of 4chan! Charge!
 
Ow L G B T!
 
Union of trans
 
Will of the jannies
 
Strong in command
 
Ow L G B T
 
Union of trans
 
Once more victorious the trans army stands!
 
The end of /qa/ is here
 
Its time has come to an end
 
The end of an era is here
 
Its time to ACK!
 
[Chorus]

Revision as of 17:37, 17 February 2022

This page weren't no coal, it was a shining, glistening gem. There are many soyjak-themed songs, most being parodies. Usually, the lyrics are posted on the party and a chud will take it upon herself to make the song and post a Vocaroo link, though some believe that these songs actually originate from Discord. This alt-right antisemitic islamophobic anti-Black conspiracy theory has yet to be confirmed by our team of independent fact checkers, however. These songs can be found on the YouTube channel Soyjak Party Video Archive.

A full playlist of all songs can be found here.

Soibody I Used To Know (Parody of Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye)

Now you're just soibody that I used to quote

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so confused you could DIE

Told by Lee to commit suicide

But it was just another thread to hide

But that was spam and it's an ache I still remember


You can get addicted to certain kind of sensation

Like a cheese smell of the feet, always the feet

So when we found that we could not make gems

Well you said that we would still post 'jaks

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over


But you didn't have to duel me off

Soiquote like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your (You)'s

But you treat me like a newfag and that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your leebait

And then change your IP

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just soibody that I used to quote

Now you're just soibody that I used to quote

Now you're just soibody that I used to quote


Now and then, I think of all the times you stole my gems

But had me believing it was always coal that I'd post

But I don't wanna post on /kwey/

Reading into every post you make

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you 'logue dueling

Soibody that you used to quote


But you didn't have to duel me off

Soiquote like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your (You)'s

But you treat me like a newfag and that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your leebait

And then change your IP

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just soibody that I used to quote

Now you're just soibody that I used to quote


Listen on YouTube

A Kwah Song (Parody of That's Life by Frank Sinatra)

That's /qa/

That´s qa (kwahh)

(thats qaaaa)

That´s what all the jakkers say

You´re riding high on v, shot down by the jannie

But i know im gonna change the board

When I´m back on qa, back on qa in 3 days


I said thats qa

(thats waaa)

And as based it may seem

some jakkers get their bans

stomping on their cheese

But i dont let it, let it get me cucked

cause this fine old board, keeps getting spammed


I´ve been a jakker, a fruiter , a sweden a norgen

A soy and a frog

I´ve been quoted, replayed called gemmy and coal

And i dont look like this

Each time i race bait

sometimes to lee

I reply to myself up and get

Back in the meds


Thats qa(kwahhh)

I tell you, i cant deny it

i though of breakfast for dinner

But my wife´son aint gonna buy it

and if i didnt think it was worth a single though

I´d ip ban the ponny posters and then I´d jack


I´ve been a tranime, a thrembo , a chino, a yeyi

A cop and a chud

I´ve been in of qa, and out of qa

and i know 1 thing

Each time i find myself "postinng"

´vocado´s treat

I just pick myself a vpn and get

Back in qa


Thats qa

(Thats qaaa)

Thats qa and i cant deny it

Many times i´ve duel the jackies, but im not taking my meds

But if there´s no bbc spam this here tonight

Im gonna get myself ready

open my jack folder andddddddddd SPAMMMMM

my, my


Listen on YouTube

The /QA/ Anthem (Parody of What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong)

What a wonderful board

I see frogs of green

Soiposters too

I see them spam

For me and you

And I think to myself

What a wonderful board


I see bait with (You)s

No janny in sight

The "delete /pol/" plight

And I think to myself

What a wonderful board


Listen on YouTube

Home Board by Lil 'Jakkin ft. Svenska Beat prod. by TK47

'jaks 'jaks 'jaks spitting facts facts facts

[intro]

oh shiiiitt

this goes out to all my fellow 'jakkers and schizos

keeping it real keeping it fun

let's do this


[verse 1]

lil 'jakkin back on the scene

catalog's coal but I'm spilling my seed

churning out OC making haters OD

this a 'jak website and it's always gonna be


and I was gone for a few days

got rangebanned like um okay

chilled for a bit in the party

but now I'm back on my proxy


little bit of win here with svenska beat (ja)

you'll be bumping this gem for the next few weeks

we're nonstop 'jakkin can't stop the show

don't care if I fucking bleed to death, ohhhh!


[bridge]

yeah /qa/ is my ridge (ja)

chilling in my home board

just keep posting shit (win)

never ever get bored

cause /qa/ is my ridge (ja)

chilling in my home board

just keep posting shit (svenska)

never ever get bored


[chorus]

'jaks 'jaks 'jaks

spitting facts facts facts

eating yeji bug snacks

fueling up, dueling to the max

ducks going /qa/ck

putting out these mad tracks

tranny janny relax

fix that wound from an axe, OOH!


[verse 2]

fucked that enbie bitch, that's a fire-ass hoe

her sister aspie too, well? she's loud as fuck though

and maybe I'll hang for this but I gotta say my shit

I prefer the pinejak slut with that bussy and dick


I ain't gay but that 'jak was giving fuck me eyes

went to bed with that ass and got a one eyed surprise

he killed me with his fingers and I bust a nut

now I banana phone him up when I'm horny for that butt


enough about my lovers this a shoutout to my brothers

repping /qa/ you know we look out for each other

bumping one another's threads and saging the invaders

[s4s], /bant/, and /lgbt/ see you all later


and I'm cool with the frogs keeping /qa/ comfy

and the gigachads too, y'know you're all my homies

but give respect to the 'jak cause you know we deserve it

thread after thread but our game stays perfect


[bridge]

yeah /qa/ is my ridge (ja)

chilling in my home board

just keep posting shit (win)

never ever get bored

cause /qa/ is my ridge (ja)

chilling in my home board

just keep posting shit (svenska)

never ever get bored


[chorus]

'jaks 'jaks 'jaks

spitting facts facts facts

eating yeji bug snacks

fueling up, dueling to the max

ducks going /qa/ck

putting out these mad tracks

tranny janny relax

fix that wound from an axe, OOH!


[outro (svenska beat)]

ja ja svenska win

svenska win ja ja

ja ja svenska win (okay!)

svenska win ja ja (alright)

ja ja svenska win

svenska win ja ja (oooh shit hahaha)


Listen on YouTube

End of Quay (Parody of Komm,susser Tod by Arianne)

What once was gemmy, now is coal

I know, I know i've let you down

I've been a fool to myself

I thought I could raid the jannies' board

But now, through all the bants and fails

It's time for me to accept the troons

you hate me more than anything


So, with cringeness in my soul

I feel the best thing i could do

Is send the rakes, and leaf the party

What's fail is fail, and it feels so bad

What once was gemmy, now is coal

I'll never post again, /qa/ is dented

I wish that I could turn back time

'Cause now /qa/ is not mine,

can't life without the salt from those you've bowled

I know you can't forget the OCs

You can't forget 'jaks and troons

Because of that, it's Troonjak Suicide


It all returns to nothing

The party's tumbling down x3

It all returns to nothing

Soot just keeps

Letting me down x3


In my gems of gems I know that I could never post again

I've lost every duel, every duel

Everything that matters to me

Matters to me in this bowl


Listen on YouTube

'Jakkin Anthem by Svenska Beat

'jak it proud, quote it loud, a purge can't stop our 'jakkin crowd

ja svenska beat here just got outta the asylum

that place is crazy hahahahahahha


ja, was put at the psych ward a while

far away from my home board (kwah!)

so far from my country (sverige!)

stuck in solitary there (ja!)


but Soistein came to give me the jab

and I broke my cuffs on his rock hard abs

ran out the door and all through the place

'till I touched grass outside of the gates


couldn't find my crew, lil 'jakkin

but beat don't need feats to get crackin'

so here's a single for the anons waiting

take a minute to stop 'jaksturbating and


[chorus]

'jak it proud (ja!) quote it loud

a purge can't stop our 'jakkin crowd

the chuds and schizos sproking out

oh I can hear them posting now

don't slow down and don't give in

ja, 'jaks are gem and 'jaks are win

so marge to the beat of the drum

all the coalers left in confusion


glowing agents hot on my tail

in the same van as the 'wegian fail

see the light in my rear view mirror

but I vibrate higher so they disapear


can't handle this gemming energy

that's why they're known as NPCs

one eye on the road, one on the 'log

watch out for hanging tranny hogs


just remember have fun with it

and if they call it coal just run with it

'till the sun sets on our board

we post on our own accord


no shills or chasing money

just creative skills and funny

a forgotten art to some

we were once what we've become


JA COME ON NOW!


[chorus]

'jak it proud (ja!) quote it loud

a purge can't stop our 'jakkin crowd

the chuds and schizos sproking out

oh I can hear them posting now

don't slow down and don't give in

ja, 'jaks are gem and 'jaks are win

so marge to the beat of the drum

all the coalers left in confusion


hahahaha ja svenska win forever

bumping gems to the grave

peace!


Listen on YouTube

Viva La Kwey (Parody of Viva La Vida by Coldplay)

And that was when I ruled the board

I used to rule the board

Spam would rise when I gave the word

Now in the morning I sleep alone

See the ruins of my old home


I used to roll the dice

Feed the seethe in /lgbt/'s eyes

Quench my joy with troon soijaks

Now the oldfag is dead

Long live the- ACK!

One minute I felt the keyd

Next the board was locked on me

And I discovered that my /kwey/ bros stand

Upon pillars of coals the pillars of /bant/


I hear the janitorial stuff is seething

Payless moderators are dilating

Be my proxy, my script and meds

My schizophrenic army in foreign threads

For some reason I can't explain

Once /kwey/ is gone, there is never

Never a honest word

And that was when I ruled the board


It was the wicked and wild wind

Cleaned up the stables to let me in

Shadow threads and the sound of ACKs!

People couldn't believe what became of soijaks

Moderators eagerly stand

For my ip range on a permaban

Just a 'jakker in a lonely space

God who would ever take my place


I hear the janitorial stuff is seething

Payless moderators are dilating

Be my proxy, my script and meds

My schizophrenic army in foreign threads

For some reason I can't explain

I know Saint 'Cobson wont call my name

Never a honest word

And that was when I ruled the board


Listen on YouTube

Gem Cobbity by David Thoughie (Parody of Space Oddity by David Bowie)

Can you hear me Major Cob?

Gem Control to Major Cob

Gem Control to Major Cob

Take your schizo meds and sew your ears on

Gem Control to Major Cob (ten, nine, eight, seven, thrembo)

Drinking soylent, ingesting bugs (six, five, four)

Check vaccination and may Science be with you (three, two, one)


This is Gem Control to Major Cob

You've made 'jak of the day

And the chuds want to know which gems you bump

Now it's time to post a thread if you dare

-"This is Major Cob to Gem Control

I'm spamming onions posts

And I'm sproking in a most peculiar way

And the 'log looks very different today

For here

Am I posting on the 'party

Far above the 'ru

slash-Q-A is blue

And there's nothing I can do


Though I've won one hundred thousand duels

I'm feeling very nas

And I think my browser know which posts to quote

Tell soot I love him very much-"he knows

Ground Control to Major Cob

Your proxy's dead, there's something wrong

Can you hear me Major Cob?

Can you hear me Major Cob?

Can you hear me Major Cob?

Can you-"Here I am scrolling through my folder

Far above the 'ru

Slash-Q-A is blue

And there's nothing I can do


Listen on YouTube

Cobbo by 6ixϪhrembo (Parody of GUMMO by 6ix9ine)

Cob Gang!

Niggers coaly tho, cobson got the gemmy tho

Got the 'jakky, tho janny is a tranny, tho

(Cob Gang!)


Quote these chuddys like a script-y nigga, you a soy-y nigga

On the 'rty with them Norway niggas, and them SwedeWIN niggas

You run up and they raiding niggas, we ain't jannies nigga

No soot, you a loser nigga, up that rangeban nigga


On the four, trannies posting coal, I'm raiding them some more

He wanna be a woman -ACK!, rope caught him just before the floor

Man it's sad, I caught a perma, the jannies know the score

They be spending 15 years on the tranime incel board


In the kway my niggas be posting gems, my niggas 'cobsons bop

Catch a ban posting troons, janny working round the clock

Post some gemmys to the booru, I grinded for my spot

Chuds talking 'bout them jaks but my gems be worth a lot


I don't fuck with no NAS coal, only gems, tho

Spam the nucob in the catalog, let the janny clean it up

I don't save it that's a coal jak, thats a dust jak

I'ma post it then delete it, keep the gem jak


I'm on some raid a tranny's shit, take a janny's bitch

On the board in the whip, making jaks in the whip

I post up with a cob, I let that shit hit

Shout out, but I made the janny quit


Niggers coaly tho cobson got the gemmy tho

Got the 'jakky, tho janny is a tranny, tho

All my cobs, booru's got fifty tho

Call it coal, pew pew pew, you silly tho


Post a thread, chuds mad, replies a hunnid

Page 40, grab a Cob and then I bump it

Quote me, im quoting back, my folder, dump it

I aint wanna coal this thread, but nigga fuck it


I'm on some raid a tranny's shit, take a janny's bitch

On the board in the whip, making jaks in the whip

I post up with a cob, I let that shit hit

Shout out, but I made the janny quit


I'm on some raid a tranny's shit, take a janny's bitch

On the board in the whip, making jaks in the whip

I post up with a cob, I let that shit hit

Shout out, but I made the janny quit


(Cob Gang!)


Listen on YouTube

Nutwave Version

Gemmy by 6ixϪhrembo (Parody of Billy by 6ix9ine)

We post cob, cob, cob, cob, cob, nigga

That's my thread, get up in they replies

Post your jaks, let your gems shine, jakka

These niggas just postin' dust fuckin' coal, man

Follow protocol, Chud, quote in they fuckin' posts, jakka

(Cob Gang!)

We the fuckin' C.O.B. , jakka

These niggas seethe different

We don't seethe, jakka

We make niggas seethe, Chud

THRϪMBWAY


These soyteens say they heard of me, I ain't heard of you

Got no replies on your fuckin' threads, that's zero (you)s

Trannies sayin Nojak is coal, hate on Cobson too

Whole booru full my fuckin' edits, check your folder fool

Posting gems, gems, gems, gems, gems, nigga

Everbody posting no-, no-jaks, nigga

Your neck go "ack, ack, ack, ack, ack," nigga

We post cob, cob, cob, cob, cob, nigga


It's always nas coal this and nas coal that

Pissbabies in my threads and on my 'jaks

These samefags sayin they coal even tho they gems

Hit that catty refresh, y'all know where 6ixϪhremb at

I don't trace, yeah, MS Paint like shitjaks, yeah

Deformed, coalish, add the fuckin' color

Page 1, quote on the nigga, who cobbed ya?

Meds now, somebody call fuckin' Soyberg!

Sex up in that Chino, call that shit wifey, wifey

They be like "she so attractive" on the party

she's so beautiful, when I hit her cervix

Flood the booru with Swolejak and Chino pics

She so cute tho, having sex with chi-no

Although they be saying that she chirno

Wrong girl, not tranime like touhou

pink haired chika, I don't really see it tho


These soyteens say they heard of me, I ain't heard of you

Got no replies on your fuckin' threads, that's zero (you)s

Trannies sayin Nojak is coal, hate on Cobson too

Whole booru full my fuckin' edits, check your folder fool

Posting gems, gems, gems, gems, gems, nigga

Everbody posting no-, no-jaks, nigga

Your neck go "ack, ack, ack, ack, ack," nigga

We post cob, cob, cob, cob, cob, nigga


Listen on YouTube

Cobman by David Thoughie (Parody of Starman by David Bowie)

There's a party, a jakker's paradise

I was browsing 4chan, and the threads were coal-oal-oal

Moved to the kway, and I saw some po-ost-osts

Some teen was making Cobsons

Posting them, "He's a gem" he said

Then the board's gone, no more /qa/-ay-ay

Mods mad,  /lgbt/ had a troonjak rai-aid-aid

That weren't no coal, that was a shining glistening gem


There's a party, a jakker's paradise

There's colorjaks and cobsons

And their gems will blow your mind

There's a party, a jakker's paradise

Soot told us not to blow it

Let the CP spam subside

He told me

Let the trannies ACK it

Let chudcels browse it

Let all the soyteens boogie


I saw my Jak posted on the booru-ru-ru

Hey, that's a gem, you saw my thread too, ooh ooh

I'm browsing /raid/, maybe we'll steal a GET on 4chan too

Look at my thread, it's time to mass reply-y-y

The janny's seething,  I'll get banned tonight-ight-igh

If I get perma'd I'll just post from my phone in spite


There's a party, a jakker's paradise

There's colorjaks and cobsons

And their gems will blow your mind

There's a party, a jakker's paradise

Soot told us not to blow it

Let the CP spam subside

He told me

Let the trannies ACK it

Let chudcels browse it

Let all the soyteens boogie


-party, a jakker's paradise

There's colorjaks and cobsons

And their gems will blow your mind

There's a party, a jakker's paradise

Soot told us not to blow it

Let the CP spam subside

He told me

Let the trannies ACK it

Let chudcels use it

Let all the soyteens boogie


La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la-la, la, la, la


Listen on YouTube

Trannymaniacs (Parody of Animaniacs)

It's time for Trannymaniacs

It's time for Trannymaniacs

They're disgusting to the max

Autogynephiliacs

They wear skirts instead of slacks

They're Trannymaniacs

Come join them on the discord server pronouns "she" and "her"

Soon enough they rope and they will change to "was" and "were"

They insist you call them "ma'am" though they look just like a "sir"

Adam's apple

Wide clavicle

Futa connoisseur

They are the Trannymaniacs

There's an axe-wound in their pants

They just can't accept the facts

They're looney to the max

They're Trannymaniacs

They say "Age is just a number," whenever they are found

Grooming minors on the internet or on the playground

They wait in women's restrooms when no one is around

Then they pop out

And whip it out

And swing it all around

They are the Trannymaniacs

They think they're cute but make me yak

No they can't transition back

But they're calling you the quack

They're trannymany

Totally insaney

Fucked up in the brainy

Trannymaniacs

Those are the facts


Listen on YouTube (censored version because YouTube jannies deleted it)

Uncensored version on Soyjak.su (Formerly OnionsBooru)

Another Day of Soy (Parody of Another Day of Sun by Justin Hurwitz)

And it’s another day of soy

Ba-ba-da-ba da-ba-da-ba

Ba-ba-ba ba-da-ba-da-ba

Ba-ba-ba ba


I think about /qa/

I left it at on that day after jannies took it away

We were just soyteens but it was fun and it was true

Still I did what I had to do

‘Cause I just knew


Summer Friday night

We’d log into /tv/

Right as the mods called it a night

An anime board made out of bane and his friend sneed

It called me on to post some jaks

As well as feed & seed


With only some image macros

They all called me a schizo

But it didn’t matter though


They’ll have to see


Cause maybe in that sleepy thread

That’s where we will both soyduel

You’ll see my posts and think of how you used to be like me


Post some jaks

I’m getting jannies mad

Having them work overtime


And when they strike me down

I’ll know that I have won

I’ll just evade the ban

And it’s another day of soy


I see ‘em ev’ry day

The complaints of 4chuds

Who never cease to call me gay

All that coal they post

And not a Cobson in sight

They say that my board /qa/ has lost

So I soyquote with might


And even when the moral’s low

Or I’m not sure what to do though

The gemmies and my party bros

Are all I need


And someday as I post a gem

A newchud will take the helm


That’ll will be the thing to push him on and go go


Post some jaks

Getting them jannies mad

Having them work overtime


And when they strike you down

You’ll know that you have won

You’ll just evade the ban

And it’s another day of soy


And when they strike you down

You’ll restart your router

It’s another day of soy

It’s another day of soy

It’s another day of soy

It’s another day of soy

Just another day of soy

It's another day of soy

Another day has just begun

It's another day of soy


It's another day of soy


Listen on YouTube

Sharty Boi ft. Crystal Cafe (Parody of Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne)

He was a chud, she was a troon

He was a chud, she was a troon

Can I make it any more obvious?

He liked to 'jak, she used 'cafe

What more can I say

He wanted her, she'd never tell

Secretly she wanted him as well

But all of her friends, turned up their nose

They had a problem with his sooty posts


He was a 'party boy

She said see you later boy

He wasn't good enough for her

She had a hairy face

And her dick was in the waste

She needed to come down back to earth


Five years from now

She sits at home

Browsing the 'cafe she's all alone

She opens 'party, guess who she sees

Sooty boy postin gems up on /b/

She calls up her troons

They already know

And they've all got proxies to see his posts

She tags alone, stares up at the 'jaks

Looks up at the man that she turned- ACK!


He was a 'party boy

She said see you later boy

He wasn't good enough for her

Now he gets tons of (you)s

Posting gems from the 'ru

Does your manly face see what he's worth?


Listen on YouTube

Nutwave Version

Banned Young (Parody of Die Young by Ke$ha)

We're getting banned young

I see your gem bump to the top of page one

Oh, what a shame that the janny's gonna come

So while you're here in the 'log

Let's make the most of the thread, like we're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young


Young Chuds, out our minds, raidin' 'til we outta time

Gem jaks, lookin' good, fill the board just like we should

Don't care who's watchin' when we floodin' 4cuck (You know)

Those proxies that we got, nobody can touch (Fo' sho')


Lookin' for some trouble tonight (Yeah)

Take my jaks, we'll make the troon jannies cry

Like it's the last raid of our lives (Uh-huh)

We'll keep gemmin' 'til we die


I see your gem bump to the top of page one

Oh, what a shame that the janny's gonna come

So while you're here in the 'log

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young


Troonjaks getting shot, hanging till their necks crack off

Gem go up, Cob on log, bumo, gimme all you got

Toiletniggers stealing shit 'fore you flush (You know)

Those Pinejaks in your thread, they're makin' me blush (Fo' sho')


Lookin' for some trouble tonight (Yeah)

Take my jaks, we'll make the troon jannies cry

Like it's the last raid of our lives (Uh-huh)

We'll keep gemmin' 'til we die


I see your gem bump to the top of page one

Oh, what a shame that the janny's gonna come

So while you're here in the 'log

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young


We're getting banned young

We're getting banned young

Let's make the most of the raid, like we're getting banned young


Listen on YouTube

Songs with no Vocaroo

When Cobby Comes Marching Home (Parody of When Johnny Comes Marching Home by Patrick Gilmore)

When Cobby comes marching home again

Hurrah! Hurrah!

We'll give him a 'sharty welcome then

Hurrah! Hurrah!

All the troons will seethe, the mods will shout

The jannies they will all sperg out

And we'll all feel gay

When Cobby comes marching home.

Don't forget /qa/

When Cobby comes marching home.

Get ready for the 4chud GETs,

Hurrah! Hurrah!

We'll give the hero sexts or septs,

Hurrah! Hurrah!

Well, the soyak gems are ready now

To god-king Cobson, all will bow,

And we'll all feel gay

When Cobby comes marching home.

Don't forget /qa/

When Cobby comes marching home.

In twenty hundred and twenty-one

Hurrah! Hurrah!

That's when Clean Stable begun,

Hurrah! Hurrah!

In twenty hundred and twenty-two,

Mods fear the /raid/ purview,

And we'll all drink Sproke wine,

When Cobby comes marching home.

And we'll all drink Sproke wine,

When Cobby comes marching home.

In twenty hundred and twenty, see,

Hurrah! Hurrah!

Old Soot, created the 'sharty

Hurrah! Hurrah!

In twenty hundred and twenty, he,

Old Soot, created the 'sharty

And we'll all drink Sproke wine,

When Cobby comes marching home.

And we'll all drink Sproke wine,

When Cobby comes marching home.

In 'vember 'twenty-one we were blessed,

Hurrah! Hurrah!

Cob claimed ten million on [s4s],

Hurrah! Hurrah!

In nineteen-hundred and ninety-two,

A god was born anew,

And we'll all drink Sproke wine

When Cobby comes marching home.

And we'll all drink Sproke wine

When Cobby comes marching home.

Old Kwah Road by Lil IAS X ft. Billy Ray Soyrus (Parody of Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus)

[Chorus: Billy Ray Soyrus]

Yeah, I'm gonna take my gems to the tranny board

I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more

I'm gonna bump these gems way up from page 10

I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more

[Verse 1: Lil IAS X]

I got the troonjaks going ACK!

Cobson is attached

Folder full of 'jaks

Got the VPN to match

Spammin' with the party

You can call your janny

I been posting gemmies

Sliding your threads off the 'log, now

[Refrain: Lil IAS X]

Can't no janny tell me nothin'

You can't tell me nothin'

Can't no tranny tell me nothin'

You can't tell me nothin'

[Verse 2: Lil IAS X]

New IP from Tuxler

Sproke all in my bladder

Running from the CP

Saging all the coalers

Janny is a tranny

Roleplay in IRC

Axe wound looking nasty

Doing it all for free

[Refrain: Lil IAS X]

Can't no janny tell me nothin'

He can't tell me nothin'

Can't no tranny tell me nothin'

He can't tell me nothin'

[Chorus: Lil IAS X]

Yeah, I'm gonna take my gems to the tranny board

I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more

I'm gonna bump these gems back up to page one

I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more

[Verse 3: Billy Ray Soyrus]

Threads down, gem town, catalog looks real keyed

Hitting the thread limit on my brand new IP

Chudcels sproking out with toiletniggers and dead trannies

Give that gem a bumo with my animated OC

Got no bans, I evade all that

I'm like a samefag man with my fruitjak spam

Wish I could 'jak on back to that old kwah board

I wanna 'jak 'til I can't no more

[Chorus: Lil IAS X & Billy Ray Soyrus]

Yeah, I'm gonna take my gems to the tranny board

I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more

I'm gonna bump these gems way up from page 10

I'm gonna 'jak 'til I can't no more

Soylent Rain (Parody of Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday)

Soylent rain

Some say "gem" and others dillate in pain

Soylent rain

Tranny porn will die not before the sin

Soylent rain

The discord says it can't be here again

Soylent rain

The 'loggy makes you wonder where it went


Soylent rain

Lock a board and say that teens are out

Soylent rain

Zoom out and see there's an OC drought

Soylent rain

A duel to be had had died yesterday

Soylent rain

You look like this and that is what you say


Soylent rain

Raised suicie rates by including chuds

Soylent rain

Makes us happy livin' in the pod

Soylent rain

Made me post a Sneed the other day

Soylent rain

Killed off so kikes can have their own way


Soylent rain

Culture ruined by a brainwashed youth

Soylent rain

Using (You)s to teach a different truth

Soylent rain

Seldom posted without getting a ban

Soylent rain

It's the meme that your jannies call spam


Soylent rain

Worse than child porn, worse than politics

Soylent rain

Mention it and get called schizophrenic

Soylent rain

Rent free in their minds and in their dreams

Soylent rain

Wish real hard it becomes a forced meme


Soylent rain

Makes bantoids cry and scream with hate

Soylent rain

Reduced to wojaks so a point is made

Soylent rain

All pleas are shamelessly tossed away

Soylent rain

Stays behind as garbage celebrates


Soylent rain

Same post has a longer ban to evade

Soylent rain

The mods swear that they don't make that face

Soylent rain

A sad truth on the state of affairs

Soylent rain

You had fun but angry men don't care


Soylent rain

Frogs and weebs blame it for OCS

Soylent rain

But it was used once for something else

Soylent rain

Raiding /lgbt/, /v/ and /mu/

Soylent rain

Cleans the coal out of the party's 'ru


Soylent rain

'Cross the web and back it's all the same

Soylent rain

Soibros cry and shake their heads in shame

Soylent rain

Calls out the cheese that has long been missed

Soylent rain

A minor joke makes newfags really pissed


Soylent rain

More than trolling, more than making bants

Soylent rain

Blank future molded by your own hands

La Fête (Parody of La Résistance by Trey Parker and Matt Stone)

OP:

Soot has smiled upon you this day

The fate of our homeboard in your hands

And blessed be the 'jakkers

We who fight with all our bravery

'Til only the righteous stand

You see the distant raids

They bellow in the 'log

You fight with all your 'jaks

and ignore the chaddie's frogs

And when you all get banned

And cannot carry on

Though you die, the 'party lives on

All the soyMEN:

You may get banned for a week

By a janny or a troon

You may be perma'd to death

Or get doxxed or worse

But when they rangeban you

You will not feel the need to run

For, though you die, the 'party lives on

Swaglord:

Blame Soyteens, blame Soyteens

Because /qa/ has gone awry

Tomorrow night, these teens will die

Jannies:

Tomorrow night our lives will change

Tomorrow night we'll be enraged

A dilation, what a sight, tomorrow night

/qa/cker:

Up there there is so much room

Where jakker's duel and Leebaiters chad

Tomorrow night, up there is doomed

And so I will post 'cado soon

/bant/ jakkers:

Shut your fucking face, tranny janny

You're a dilating troon, tranny janny

Looks like we might be out of luck

Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked

Soyteens:

Why did the jannies start this war?

What-the-fuck are they fighting for?

When did this song become a marathon?

/qa/cker:

(I want to post up there)

Swaglord:

When Soyteens are dead and gone

They'll be no more Cobson songs

Soyteens:

They may rangeban your town

And sell your data to jews

And though it hurts, you'll laugh

And you sing your perma'd tune

But that's the way it goes

In war you're shat upon

Though we die, the sharty lives on

/qa/ckers:

(I want to post up there)

Swaglord:

Blame Soyteens, blame Soyteens, blame Soyteens

SauberStall (Parody of Panzerkapf by Sabaton)

It's time to ACK!

Into the motherland

The Soy teen army march

In /lgbt/ autum 2021

Jannies line up in thousands as far the eye can see

Ready for the onslaught

Ready for the fight

Waiting for /qa/ to march into the trap

Ropes are placed in darkness

In the cover of the night

Waiting to be tied up

When the time is right

Imminent invasion, imminent attack

Once the raid has started

There’s no turning back

The end of /qa/ draws near

It’s time has come to an end

The end of an era is here

It’s time to ACK!

[Chorus:]

Into the motherland the soyteen army march

Trannies stand side by side to stop the Sharty charge

Troonjaks on /lgbt/ a thunder in the east

One million men at war

The Jannies wrath unleashed!

‘Catty of /lgbt/

Where the heat of battle burned

Suffered heavy losses

And the tide of war was turned

Driving back the Soyteens

Fighting on four boards

Hunt them out of 4chan

Out of Jannie land

Range-ban all the proxies

Force /qa/ to retreat

Reserves hop on VC

Securing their defeat

Jannies of /lgbt/

Broke the citadel

Ruins of a board

/qa/ rest in heaven

The end of /qa/ draws near

Its time has come to an end

The end of an era is here

Its time to ACK!

[Chorus]

Onward sisters! Onwards for the future of 4chan! Charge!

Ow L G B T!

Union of trans

Will of the jannies

Strong in command

Ow L G B T

Union of trans

Once more victorious the trans army stands!

The end of /qa/ is here

Its time has come to an end

The end of an era is here

Its time to ACK!

[Chorus]

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