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Calm
'''Calm''' also known as '''/calm/''' or #calm in Discord land is an experimental anger management program for soyjaks exhibiting extremely violent [[Schizophrenia|schizophrenic]] behavior. The program consists of various forms of treatments, cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT), and meditation.[[File:Calmjak.png|thumb|310x310px|link=https://wiki.soyjak.party/index.php%3Ftitle=File:Calmjak.png|A successful graduate of /calm/]]Many prominent [[Science|soyentists]] have raised concerns over the practices used in /calm/ and the program's efficacy. Some activist groups argue it is a violation of [[Soyjak Rights]] to deprive a 'jak of Soylent for multiple days. This claim is false<ref>calm</ref><ref>calm</ref><ref>calm</ref><ref>calm</ref> and has been thoroughly debunked by science. Many doubt the program is even effective at all, since calm soyjaks are known to accumulate pent-up anger and could snap at any moment.
[[File:Calmjak.png|thumb|310x310px]]
Calmy calm.


TRANNIES YWNBAW
Most graduates of the program remain calm, however some enter a permanent state of being "agitated". These patients must remain isolated as to avoid becoming [[triggered]].
 
== Treatments ==
The treatment is split into a 4 week program. The dosages of [[meds]] are gradually increased through the weeks and so is the intensity of the CBT. Only 31% of patients complete the full 4 weeks.
 
=== Week 1 ===
 
* Mandatory [[BBC therapy]] for a minimum of 12 hours per day
* Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days
* Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey''
* Citalopram
* Escitalopram
* Fluoxetine
* Droperidol
* Haloperidol
 
=== Week 2 ===
 
* Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Cosmos: Possible Worlds''
* ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ (CBT)
* Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - ''Fauci'' (2021)
* Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds
* Dixyrazine
* Fluphenazine
* Levomepromazine
* Mesoridazine
* Perazine
* Pericyazine
* Perphenazine
* Pipotiazine
* Benperidol
* Bromperidol
 
=== Week 3 ===
 
* 50µg Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours
* Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's ''Dark Universe''
* Make-your-own Funko Pops
* [[Ears|Ear]] surgery
* [[Breakfast For Dinner]]
* Sultopride
* Risperidone
* Carpipramine
* Clocapramine
* Clorotepine
* Clotiapine
* Loxapine
* Mosapramine
* Sulpiride
* Veralipride
* Aripiprazole
* Brexpiprazole
* Olanzapine
* Quetiapine
* Ziprasidone
 
=== Week 4 ===
 
* Group meditation session: zen music with water sounds
* Grammar workshop: importance of using [[though]] at the end of your sentences
* Mandatory viewing: ''[[Buck Breaking]]'' (2021)
* Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10
* Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding
* BCI microchip surgery
* Final exam: planetary science and biology
* Butalbital
* Pentobarbital
* Phenobarbital
* Triazolam
* Eszopiclone
* Zaleplon
* Zolpidem
* Zopiclone
* Lemborexant
* Suvorexant
* Brompheniramine
* Captodiame
* Chlorpheniramine
* Cyproheptadine
* Dimenhydrinate
* Diphenhydramine
* Doxylamine
* Hydroxyzine
* Promethazine
* Chloral hydrate
* Chlorobutanol
* Chloroform
* Cyclopropane
* Desflurane
* Enflurane
* Esketamine
* Ethyl chloride
* Etomidate
* Isoflurane
* Halothane
* Physochlaina
* Prostanthera striatiflora
* Valerian
* Afloqualone
* Cloroqualone
* Diproqualone
* Etaqualone
* Mebroqualone
* Mecloqualone
* Methaqualone
* Methylmethaqualone
* Nitromethaqualone
* Baclofen
* Carisoprodol
* Chlorzoxazone
* Clonidine
* Cyclobenzaprine
* Gabapentin
* Meprobamate
* Metaxalone
* Methocarbamol
* Orphenadrine
* Phenibut
* Pregabalin
* Tizanidine
* Alfentanil
* Bromide salts
* Dexmedetomidine
* Dextromethorphan
* Glutethimide
* Thalidomide

Revision as of 23:10, 11 February 2022

Calm also known as /calm/ or #calm in Discord land is an experimental anger management program for soyjaks exhibiting extremely violent schizophrenic behavior. The program consists of various forms of treatments, cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT), and meditation.

A successful graduate of /calm/

Many prominent soyentists have raised concerns over the practices used in /calm/ and the program's efficacy. Some activist groups argue it is a violation of Soyjak Rights to deprive a 'jak of Soylent for multiple days. This claim is false[1][2][3][4] and has been thoroughly debunked by science. Many doubt the program is even effective at all, since calm soyjaks are known to accumulate pent-up anger and could snap at any moment.

Most graduates of the program remain calm, however some enter a permanent state of being "agitated". These patients must remain isolated as to avoid becoming triggered.

Treatments

The treatment is split into a 4 week program. The dosages of meds are gradually increased through the weeks and so is the intensity of the CBT. Only 31% of patients complete the full 4 weeks.

Week 1

  • Mandatory BBC therapy for a minimum of 12 hours per day
  • Bugs fasting: patients may only consume Impossible whoppers and cockroach milk for the first 3 days
  • Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey
  • Citalopram
  • Escitalopram
  • Fluoxetine
  • Droperidol
  • Haloperidol

Week 2

  • Mandatory viewing: Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos: Possible Worlds
  • ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇ ▇▇▇▇▇▇▇ (CBT)
  • Mandatory viewing: National Geographic Documentary - Fauci (2021)
  • Group meditation session: relaxing nature sounds
  • Dixyrazine
  • Fluphenazine
  • Levomepromazine
  • Mesoridazine
  • Perazine
  • Pericyazine
  • Perphenazine
  • Pipotiazine
  • Benperidol
  • Bromperidol

Week 3

  • 50µg Sproke-flavored Fentanyl lollipop every 12 hours
  • Excursion to the local planetarium to watch Neil deGrasse Tyson's Dark Universe
  • Make-your-own Funko Pops
  • Ear surgery
  • Breakfast For Dinner
  • Sultopride
  • Risperidone
  • Carpipramine
  • Clocapramine
  • Clorotepine
  • Clotiapine
  • Loxapine
  • Mosapramine
  • Sulpiride
  • Veralipride
  • Aripiprazole
  • Brexpiprazole
  • Olanzapine
  • Quetiapine
  • Ziprasidone

Week 4

  • Group meditation session: zen music with water sounds
  • Grammar workshop: importance of using though at the end of your sentences
  • Mandatory viewing: Buck Breaking (2021)
  • Deep breathing exercises: how to count to 10
  • Coping seminar: how to win arguments by conceding
  • BCI microchip surgery
  • Final exam: planetary science and biology
  • Butalbital
  • Pentobarbital
  • Phenobarbital
  • Triazolam
  • Eszopiclone
  • Zaleplon
  • Zolpidem
  • Zopiclone
  • Lemborexant
  • Suvorexant
  • Brompheniramine
  • Captodiame
  • Chlorpheniramine
  • Cyproheptadine
  • Dimenhydrinate
  • Diphenhydramine
  • Doxylamine
  • Hydroxyzine
  • Promethazine
  • Chloral hydrate
  • Chlorobutanol
  • Chloroform
  • Cyclopropane
  • Desflurane
  • Enflurane
  • Esketamine
  • Ethyl chloride
  • Etomidate
  • Isoflurane
  • Halothane
  • Physochlaina
  • Prostanthera striatiflora
  • Valerian
  • Afloqualone
  • Cloroqualone
  • Diproqualone
  • Etaqualone
  • Mebroqualone
  • Mecloqualone
  • Methaqualone
  • Methylmethaqualone
  • Nitromethaqualone
  • Baclofen
  • Carisoprodol
  • Chlorzoxazone
  • Clonidine
  • Cyclobenzaprine
  • Gabapentin
  • Meprobamate
  • Metaxalone
  • Methocarbamol
  • Orphenadrine
  • Phenibut
  • Pregabalin
  • Tizanidine
  • Alfentanil
  • Bromide salts
  • Dexmedetomidine
  • Dextromethorphan
  • Glutethimide
  • Thalidomide
  1. ↑ calm
  2. ↑ calm
  3. ↑ calm
  4. ↑ calm
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