Russo-Ukrainian War
| Russo-Ukrainian War | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Part of Russo-Ukrainian War | |||||||
 Sukon Midick, a day before ordering the invasion. | |||||||
| |||||||
| Belligerents | |||||||
 Russia |
 Ukraine | ||||||
| Commanders and leaders | |||||||
|
 Dave |
Felate Midick | ||||||
| Strength | |||||||
|
Russia: ~175,000–190,000 (armed forces) |
Ukraine: 209,000 (armed forces) 16,000 foreign volunteers | ||||||
| Casualties and losses | |||||||
|
200 tanks 2,000 Infantry 1 Heavy Mech 900 wounded |
3 McDonald's Restaurants 199 Redditors 1,700 Infantry 3 Light Tanks 20 Civilians 300 Wounded | ||||||
The Russo-Ukrainian war was an international conflict between Russia and Ukraine. On August the 14th 2042, the Republic of Russia, under the leadership of Sukon Micock, invaded the Republic of Ukraine, led by Felate Midick. There was much speculation as to the motives of Sukon. Initially it was believed he carried out the operation due to anger over his silly name, but it is now known that it was instead carried out because he was bored and the 'log was fucking coal.
On March the 2nd, 2045, Sukon got bored and abruptly ordered his army to go home. This marked the end of the conflict, albeit it did lead to The Great Coaling so maybe he shouldn't have withdrawn his forces.
Prelude
The day before the war, August the 13th, Sukon Micock scrolled through multiple pages of sharty-killing coal and decided to launch the war to alleviate his bordeom and hopefully freshen up the catalog.
End of the War
On March the 2nd, 2045, Sukon ordered his army to immediately leave the Republic of Ukraine, because, "It's boring and nothing is happening." This shocked and horrified the international community, who were also very bored but thought the conflict was entertaining and that something WAS, in fact, happening. The common consensus in the immediate aftermath of the war was that Sukon was lying and had some sort of ulterior motive for ending the war. This led to intense speculation as to what this "true motive" was. However, it would later turn out the Sukon was not lying about his reasons for ending the war, and the conflict really was just very boring and kind of lame.[1]
Most Exciting Part of the War
On June 21st, 2043, due to a (((glitch))) in communication systems, Russia’s tanks and one of their heavy mechs got into a mass conflict. Video drones streamed the event, and it amassed 200 million views within a week. A channel named Cobson, later revealed to be Micock, commented, "Very brutal. At least it was more entertaining than Avenger XX: Third Rise of Wakanda EDIT: Thanks for 26 likes EDIT: Thanks for 2000 Likes!!! EDIT: Heck yes! 90k updoots! check out my page for my soundcloud"
Cause
The cause of the war can be traced back to the Second Feraljak Crisis, which led to Kozakov I seizing power over the Russian Monarchy in 1792. Kozakov's policies directly led to the ascension of the Florentiy Ivanov, who's death paved the way for the rule of the Micock family, and later, Sukon Micock. Sukon was noted by Dr. Soyberg to have been particularly impulsive, and it is likely the war would not have occurred has Russia been under the rule of another man.
With the revelation that the conflict was started because Sukon Micock was bored, many sought to identify the precise cause of his boredom. Eventually, academics settled on a particularly coaly log on the day of the invasion as the cause of the war. In particular, the coaliness can be attributed to trannies and chuds, who spent the entirety of the August the 14th arguing about whether niggers or whites have bigger penises.
These findings directly led to the passing of the STOP ACT (Stopping Talks On Penises), which punished the discussion of penises on /soy/, allowing moderators to levy a 2 week ban against cockcoalers. The STOP ACT is generally considered an overwhelmingly failure, as trannies and chuds still neverendingly debate which race has the biggest penis, and the law is rarely enforced.[2]
