Ijak
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To be researched: Post 950311737. Can (You) help us?
Ijak (AKA endjak) is a bone chilling slowburn A24 analog horror work in the 'sharty posted by an anonymous time traveler. This bizarre futurejak is based on the Wholesome Soyjak. It also looks like a Colorjak, but the method is different. In fact, just about everything about it is off. According to its unix timestamp, it is supposedly posted sometime in the 2040's.
Post No. 950311737 & History[1]
Post 950311737 (Nine hundred fifty million, three hundred eleven thousand, seven hundred thirty-seven) will be the final post on Soyjak.Party's /soy/ board in the distant future that includes Ijak. It was shared on 7/14/2023 in /soy/ post No. 3892525.
The contents of the OP were as follows:
One day in the future, the final soy will be 'jakked. The last one anybody ever bothers to make. What will it look like? Will it be coal?
After an hour and a few aimless replies (a couple mocking the OPs choice of a Reddit Greentext compilation for the image), a reply was made featuring the screenshot of the post with the caption:
>stumble across some archaic imageboard from the mid 21st century
>it has been dead for at least 2 decades except for the final post from some bored chink who stumbled across it 8 years before
The last 'teen?
Post contents
Attached Image
File Properties
- The file depicted in the screenshot is a w6m file, a type which does not exist in present day.
- The file's image unix timestamp is 2306931946074a. Unlike timestamps of present day, a letter is affixed to the end of it.
- By putting the filename through a Unix timestamp translator, we can find the upload date of the image, which is February 7th, 2043, at 2:25 PM. This can be used to also determine the date of the screenshot, where the post appears to be 8 years old. thus the screenshot was taken around 2051.
Image Content
The attached file depicts a Soyjak. This figure seems to derive from the wholesomejak template and shows qualities of colorjaks. The Soyjak has a distinct nose that curves downward and the frames of the glasses have no bridge. The Jak has a triple chin. The head seems to sit on a black cylindrical body with orange arms and small red ornaments or appendages.
A logo of unknown origin and a brown scribble sit beside the Soyjak. The blue logo seems to read Express, but two unknown symbols surround the presumed word. The symbol on the left could be a letter G (G Express?) in a weird font but it could also be something else. The symbol on the right consists of two lines arranged in the way the letter Y is commonly drawn. The ends of the right symbol could bear some resemblance to the Japanese kana ン or ソ.
To be researched: Interpretations of the logo. Can (You) help us?
Post
The post is itself written in Chinese.
>我做了这张照片
你好?
A machine translation outputs the following:[2]
>I made this picture
Hello?
GUI
Information can be gathered on the graphical interface from which the screenshot was taken.
Elements
- Presearch
- Mglib
- IGV: this
Assumptions
Warning! The following may feature disinfo, psy-ops, or other infohazards created by the CIA. Proceed with caution.
Assumptions can be theorized from the post.
- Imageboards will be considered archaic.
- The filename having an "a" at the end means that either: the way unix timestamps work changed in the meantime, or it is the result of soyjak.party changing the filename system, much like how it changes the filenames on posts with more than one image.
- The default theme will have changed to something that resembles Kolyma Dark.
- One reply states that the final owner's name was "Toos" but its unlikely that this reply was also by the time traveler.[it just is, ok?] If Toos was indeed the final owner, it is theorized that this is Admin 6.[it just is, ok?]
- Most activity on the board will have ended around 2030.
- Judging by the post number (900 Million), At Some point in-between now and 2030, the posts per minute would have reached a level far exceeding that of 4chan's /b/, meaning that possibly the sharty was at one point the most popular imageboard on the planet!
- Hopefully, but perhaps there will be some evil spam bot that creates numerous spam threads and comments and bumps out any normal thread. Maybe it will be unstoppable and it will be the reason the Sharty dies.
- Since the last post is written in Mandarin, the Sharty likely became a Global Village, alluding to international popularity, so the first possibility is more likely. (Or maybe not, it could be just some chinese person who stumbled upon it.)
- The Sharty will remain online for at least 8 years after its complete death. Assuming the owner abandoned it, the server is automatically maintained through unknown means.
- The Ukranian War won't go nuclear and the world will only get more and more brimstone.
- It might be the final 'toss according to some soytists
