Soyvil War 1

The Soyvil War was a conflict between several groups of posters on the /soy/ board of soyjak.party that took place on April 29 2021.

The Tragic Prelude

Before the war, /soy/ was in a state of unrest. Tensions were high, and the beginnings of a schism showed itself most acutely when Deformed Soyjak was posted, sharply dividing the userbase. A lesser battle was fought over the plot of the Impjak Adventure, and although this conflict is unrelated to the Soyvil War, it demonstrated soyjak.party's capacity for war and division. Curiously, the official Impjak Adventure thread remained untouched during the Soyvil War. As Impjak Adventure's protagonist is an Impish Soyak Ears, the popular story could have been a strategic advantage for those in favor of Wholesome/Deformed/Swedish posting. The likely explanation is that Impjak Adventure is considered sacred, undeserving of being touched by this war.

Timeline

The Soyvil War began when a user on soyjak.party reacted negatively to a thread whose attached image was a warped Wholesome Soyjak, telling the OP to cease posting that 'jak.^[1] This initial reply received much attention due to its impressive digits, 77777. A faction immediately appeared, enthusiastically joining in the criticism of Wholesome Soyjaks.

Soon, an opposing faction emerged. This opposition posted Deformed Soyjak, a controversial variant of Wholesome Soyjak that is notorious for being maligned by certain users. The consequential outrage at Deformed Soyjak shattered the brittle peace, causing all-out war to break out. At some point, Impish Soyak Ears was also implicated in the conflict, seeming to be placed on the side of Wholesome and Deformed Soyjak posters, likely due to its evolutionary relation to Wholesome Soyjak.

While Wholesome Soyjak posters and Deformed Soyjak posters banded together,^[2] Swedish soyjak posters remained reluctant to join the conflict.^[3]

During the war's fevered crescendo, many threads were created, the majority of which featuring Deformed Soyjak images. These threads invariably received extremely enraged replies from the anti-Wholesome/Deformed/Swedish posters. Most of these replies comprised of all-caps ranting and death threats, with at least one poster using explicit gore images taken from terrorist execution media.^[4]

While the anti-W/D/S posters maintained a strong defense, unfailingly replying to every Deformed/Wholesome/Swedish thread, their offense was comparatively weak. As they fervently replied to each new W/D/S thread, the catalog was becoming full of W/D/S images. As the W/D/S opposition had no emblem or symbol to post, they rapidly lost ground in new thread creation, some even resorting to posting Pepes and abandoning soyjaks altogether. Late in the conflict, the anti-W/D/S faction made many threads featuring a copypasta accompanied by images of Chads in an attempt to take back the catalog.^[5] The copypasta was written as follows:

I'm sick of swedish niggers, i've just converted to Islam, praises to Allah (SWT), and I realised my muslim brothers are already preparing for war against the sw*des. I'm ready for combat. I will roll into Sweden with the Mujaheddin (man who are on their deen), we will link up with all the AKHIS, who are Pakistani, Afghani, Syrian, Iranian, Palestinian, Turkish, Somali, you name it. All the Sunnis and Shias will link up and we will behead all sw*dish "men" and marry your women and create a new race of akhis, and establish a calphiate (not a jewish one though like ISIS was, google: Simon Elliot ISIS).

The war ended when apparently neutral Coalposter[s], seemingly unaligned with either side of the conflict, began spamming /soy/ with coal threads. While the coal threads appeared neutral, being indistinguishable from pre-war coal threads, some have theorized that they were allied with the anti-Wholesome side and that the threads were an effort to clear the catalog of Deformed Soyjaks.^[6] As the most active, warring threads were buried beneath the coal, posters lost interest and the war fizzled out.^[7]

Conclusion?

It is possible that what we now call the Soyvil War was only a battle, itself part of a larger war. While the war was cathartic, tensions still remain.

Impjak Adventure Spin-Off

This is a non-canon, pro-Deformed short story featuring Impjak, the protagonist of the popular Impjak Adventure.^[8] The story was made during active warfare. It is unknown if it was made by one of the official Impjak Adventure storytellers.

Ugh… another deformed soyjak thread? I hate this meme!
Hmmmm…. I know what I’ll do, I’ll tell him to kill himself! Yeah! Hahahaha take THAT!
Huh? Did I just hear a door open?
gasp D-d-dr. Impstein from Swedish Adventures? What are you doing here?!
Dr. Impstein: I can’t allow you to keep posting toxic content to soyjak.party. I’m here to teach you a lesson, chud.
Chud: Fuck off! You’re not funny! You’re lame! Fail!
Impstein: Hey, chud.
Chud: What?!?!
Dr. Impstein: Dodge.
Chud: Huh-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Let that be a lesson to you, evildoer. NOBODY threatens my best friend and gets away with it. Negativity is NOT allowed on soyjak.party in any way, shape, or form.