The Lawnmower Man (Video Game)
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NIGGA THIS PAGE IS NUTS
The Lawnmower Man (not to be confused with the award-winning genre-redefining avant-garde cinema, The Lawnmower Man) was a video game released for the SEGA Genesis and the Super Nintendo, among many other consoles at the time. Froot has supposedly bought a copy of the game off of (((Facebook Marketplace))) and has shown interest in purchasing a working SNES for the purposes of playing the game. Froot's reasoning behind this sudden investment is unknown.
Paranormal Associations
Many soyteens have experienced mandela effects surrounding the contents of the game and it's supposed crossover with Sonic the Hedgehog for the Gamecube. Below will be transcripts and a synthesis of experiences.
Sonic Crossover
The most notorious event in the crossover with Sonic as recalled by many 'teens was the scene in which Jobe became Rapeson, clones himself, and proceeded to brutally gangrape Rouge the Bat with his BWC (Others claim that the victim of this molestation was Vanilla the Rabbit). Viewing of this scene supposedly induces "wet nightmares" which would last for weeks afterwards due to the graphic contents of the scene. Attempts at replicating this scene all have failed to capture the primal fear and pure sexual energy he strikes into the hearts of players in the original game.
Personal account
The following is a deeply personal traumatic testimony from a POC king whose father worked as a janitor at SEGA Headquarters (his wage was paid in hot pockets) and who has a record size BBC of four (4) inches. This is his story. NOTE: All grammatical errors are preserved as is, so as not to speak over blk voices.
First Post
After going deep into my mind after consuming alcohol, I really realize that this game was so hard for me to remember, but every time I did, it had the most powerful moments. I remember that when I was five, it had the most intense moments I’ve never seen in the lore of Sonic in my life. I remember that I was playing in the beginning, and every time I saw Jobe on the screen, he was always looking at me with soulless, blank eyes.
<[LOST MEDIA SPACE]
From what I remember from the plot, Eggman finally won in the end, and he assumed control of the entire planet, and then Sonic and his friends were supposed to save the world, but this time it looked like it was going to be hopeless. After winning a few minor battles, there was this scene where Eggman was mindbroken and rent-free with that furry fuck in his mind, and in order to combat it, to fight a shitty animal, he was destined to show that mankind was superior. From the scene, Eggman was able to kidnap a mentally retarded man who loved lawnmowers, and fed him subliminal messaging that made him hate all mobians with a hint of lust. After years of development, a hulking lawnmower man of seven feet was made, and with him, a 60 inch BWC used for the purposes of bludgeoning enemies, and also worked as a taser. Eggman named him Jobe The Lawnmower. For years, Eggman taught Jobe the art of psychic powers, and he excelled well at this skill, even more than Silver the Hedgehog. One day, however, I think Eggman went too far in trying to control Jobe, and was killed after he abused Jobe. From then on, Jobe was a rogue soul, his goal being to conquer the world and to usher in a new era of prosperity. Fuck, I’m getting foggy again, so I’ll have to end it here. Until then, fellow lost media fans.
Second Post
Alright guys, it’s been a few days since I’ve made this post, but after I was doing a bunch of boring stuff like taking out the garbage and spamming the mask ID on /tv/ for fun, my own memory about this game came back again after I was watching my favorite movie, The Lawnmower Man. What gave me horrid memories about this Sonic x Lawnmower Man crossover game was when Jobe proudly claimed “I AM GOD”. This line alone made me remember the horrifying events of my childhood once more.
<[DRAMATIC STORY SPACE]
Alright, so after Jobe bludgeoned Anton Maximovggman to death with his BWC, he wanted to usher in a new world of elevated consciousness, a world where he, was god. With his psychic abilities, he created clones of himself to help with world domination. They were in his likeness, albeit deformed and sometimes psychopathic. From that day, he would name them the Cob Sons. His Cob Sons would spread order throughout the world, and the public would name the most brutal of them “Rape Sons”, who would pacify crowds with their BWCs.
<[Lost Media Space]
Sonic and his friends were confused as to why there was no more robots attacking him and his friends, it was unusually quiet, even for their world. What they would do first, is to check on other friends just to make sure they were safe, like Knuckles, Amy, Espio, and the others. Everything was fine and dandy, except when they were arriving at Cream the Rabbit’s house. Inside the house, they found a catatonic Cream in the living room, terrified. This scene also had violent moans and screams, and back then, it terrified me. Sonic would then go to the bedroom of Vanilla the Rabbit, but realized that the door was locked, and the noise was coming from there. Sonic, the usual hero in the series, broke down the door with a spindash, and inside that room, had a horrifying sight.
<[Lost Media Space]
There was three Cob Sons around Vanilla the Rabbit, using their BWCs in order to torture her into compliance and submission. For me, it was a horrifying experience to watch as a kid, but the worst part was the spine chilling dialogue:
>UNF UNF UNF UNF! WHO WILL ALWAYS BE A GEM
<ohohohohhhhhhhhhhhh, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A GEM COBBY
>THAT’S RIGHT YOU BUNNY BITCH, TAKE THIS AS PUNISHMENT FOR BEING A DIRTY ANIMAL!
<OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR SLAVE, COB SON!
After that, Sonic used a spindash and killed all three Cob Sons, saving her from tyranny. Man, that was a horrifying and traumatic experience, so terrible I’m forgetting what else came along next. I’ll have to end the lost media post here, guys. See you another time.
Third Post
Alright, I’m back from a long hiatus of me recovering from the horrible memory of that game, but I know that I have to continue telling me story, or else no one will ever know it existed, and that I will never be referenced by popular people like blameitonjorge. So, I’ll have to think deep and hard again. I’m also starting to see the lawnmower man in my peripheral vision, it makes me uneasy.
<[Lost Media Space]
So, after Sonic killed those 3 Cob Sons, a large army of Cob Sons were outside the household, furious that their own kin were slayed. Jobe was also there, furious his godlike creations were now lost forever. I remember this dialogue between Jobe and Sonic:
>whooaaaaaa what are you dressed up for, halloween?
<Do not test me, Sonic. You’re the final obstacle in the way from the world attaining a new era.
>that’s a lot of skibidi rizz from someone that looks like terminator, pal!
And from that point on, all of the Cob Sons got out their BWCs and started swinging at Sonic, but he was too fast to get hit. Sonic’s friends however weren’t lucky, and Amy got hit by a thousand BWCs or something. It was a phenomenal CGI cutscene that cannot be bested, nigga. But from that point on, all of their eyes, and I mean all of them, even Jobe, were pitch black. They were also all bloody and distorted, and I just couldn’t understand why. It terrified me and right now I’m so hesitant in continuing because of how traumatic it was. I hope blameitonjorge will see this. Peace out, until next time.
Sonic.exe Hypothesis
https://booru.soy/post/view/51252 (Supposed video evidence)
Due to the many similarities between Cobson and horror icon Sonic.exe, some believe them to be one and the same.
TND video games
TND video games even has a copy!
