Poopson

Warning! The following may feature disinfo, psy-ops, or other infohazards created by the CIA. Proceed with caution.

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A screenshot from a future 'teen to show that poopson WILL be created. Image has been blurred to prevent 'teens from possibly killing themselves.

Poopson is a name given to a prophesized variant rumored to be the coal that will destroy the sharty. It is expected to be created around Early 2024, possibly during brimstone winter.

This variant is argued to be so vantablack that it will cause massive unrest amongst 'teens, possibly inciting the 4th Soyvil War in an event known as The Pitfall. Offsite raiders will use this variant to demoralize soyteens and try to convince them that it's a gem variant. This variant will also gain traction amongst twitter users in positive light. In a few days or so another Captain coal incident will happen except his name is Omega Vanta. After that someone will make a hardcore p poopson trace that enraged the site so much it shut down for 2 weeks, just to get spammed to hell with 'P from a very obscure imageboard.

But fear not! It is hoped that the gem that will save the sharty will be created a month or two afterwards. We still wait for the day that this fictional, metaphorical gem descends upon the multiverse in the form of either a troll or great user, and brings hope and serenity upon all of the world. Until that day comes, the sharty shall continue to collapse, and people who do not embrace the gem shall never understand, so stay woke to this prophecy!

The Original Poopson Post

Greeting Soyjak.party

I am from the future and I used this site around the time poopson was created. I can't tell you much because something +=bigger=+ will happen after it is created, but here's a summary

>Brimstone Winter 2024 happens
>Catalog looks normal until offsite raiders attack
>Someone makes an post with the caption "Fuck this shit website" with an file attached named Poopson.jpg
>It's the coalliest thing I ever seen on this site (Hence the effects and blurs I added)
>It doesn't gain much traction at first due the raid, but soyteens are in absolute shock
>The thread reaches around 800-1200 replies, but was deleted by jannies once someone posted a live stream of their suicide.
>Offsite raiders exploit this variants repulsiveness to create discontent amongst soyteens. Jannies attempt to delete all Poopson threads, but one dedicated man used a new method of solo-wiping the catalog by using a botnet (I don't exactly remember how he done it)
>Theories around poopson has emerge. Some say it was perfectly engineered by a 'cord to be so vantablack. Some say it was made by an upset 4cuck janny to take revenge. I remember someone saying it was made by a super upset soyteen after some recent drama that set the website in flames

That's all i'm going to say for now. Goodbye.

Observations

Due to the blurring of the image provided by the poster, not much is there to be observed. Despite the blurring though, we can see that Poopson.jpg is at least black and white, is facing forward, and has an open mouth. We can also see the first two digits of the post number, 53. This could possibly mean that this digit is the 5333333 GET and why this variant was so niggerstone. The post uses a +==+ markup while saying the word big. One can infer from this that bigtext is added to the sharty some time in the future (and the future is right fucking now), before Poopson wrecks the sharty. We also can tell that the poopson image might be pretty disturbing, according to the second post it will be inspired by cacason and another brimmy variant:unknown not released yet called andyjak

It has been blurred due to its extreme repulsiveness, and the thread reached 800+ replies until jannies deleted it because a 'teen livestreams xer suicide. It is implied that this brimstone will be so terrible that it can cause people to commit suicide, a testament to its almost-supernatural strength.

It might be the first and only example of coal 2, a type of coal stronger in magnitude than the current super vantablack gravestone on the 'ru This is the type of coal that would almost directly prove the existence of Nigger Hell, and perhaps draw limited intervention from the CIA to muddy the waters.

It can only be hoped that the gem that saved the sharty is an example of gem 2, and completely kills of Poopson.

The Redditification of Poopson Lore

Recently, 'teens seeking refuge from Reddit have been adding dog shit onto Poopson lore by the truckloads. They are trying way too hard, are incompatible with the original details of Poopson, and will turn him into the backrooms and drive it into the ground before the real one is even revealed. Their attempts should be shamed, laughed at, and then they should be driven back to Reddit. All further backrooms-tier lore corruptions shall be ignored on the sharty and kept off of the wiki unless for the purpose of shaming and ridicule.

FALSE POOPSONS

An example of a false poopson. also known as NAP

Another example of a false poopson. This one is vantablack but not enough to be poopson this might be a PAP which stands for probably a poopson

Brojak, the most notorious example of a false poopson. IAP tho

There has been many fake and false poopsons after the word of poopson has been announced. Most where made by poopsoncord, trolls, or [REDACTED] to trick users Any "poopson" you see is NOT poopson. He will only be released in early 2024.

Brojak

Brojak, despite popular belief, is not a poopson. There are multiple reasons why brojak is not poopson. The first reason is that the original file is called "brojak.png" rather than "Poopson.jpg". The second reason is that it was released on August 2023 rather than early 2024. And finally, it is also due to the fact that the development of the prophecy becoming true has occurred where in September, one month after the creation of Brojak, Froot added a new text format that allows big text exactly like how the OP of the original Poopson prophecy thread has attempted to use at the time where big text formatting has not been implemented yet. The reason why many 'teens believed that it is poopson is due to the timing of the release of brojak, which was mere days before the Soypocalypse occured. Because of this, however, it can be considered as a "proto-poopson".

The Poopson Prophet himself has confirmed that brojak is not poopson and stated that poopson "makes brojak look like the gem that saved the party".

Apocrypha

Not included in OP. The legitimacy of these stories is in contention among Poopson prophets. The Soypocalypse has placed further doubt in these accounts. With Doll's departure, some posts lose even more credibility. However, Doll could technically get the Sharty back. Worthy of note is that the 2024 testimony claims that Poopson is dark brown, directly contradicting the image the original time traveler posted.

'Teen from September 2023's account

Soyteen from september 2023 here. This is andyjak. Hes the other inspiration to poopson, i dont know what poopson will look like but i guess it will be cacason with the andyjak smile thats brown or something.

‘Teen from 2024’s account

Soyteen from 2024. Here to give more information about poopson and what will happen during brimstone winter

>He will be inspired by this image (cacason) and another coalish variant that's releasing in September of 2023 called andyjak
>He will be dark brown
>Someone will post a p trace that has poopson in it, enraging the site even more
>He will be spammed countless of times
>Poopson gets popular on Twitter and TikTok
>A new type of coal will be discovered after poopson releases called coal 2, way more darker than vantablack
>Another Captain coal incident happens, this time the person is called Omega Vanta
>The site gets more popularity
>P spam gets so bad to the point where doll finally adds anti p software

'Teen from 2026's account

Soyteen from 2026 here. Doll has resigned and instates an AI learning model based off of kuz (who dies on January 9th, 2024 at 9:56 am eastern standard time)'s telegram account.

Call of Duty: Black Ops Gulf War raiding has become a frequent passtime of sharty users after a custom decal maker was added to the game as a 30 dollar dlc pack. Teens raid outbreak 2 lobbies with gore decals plastered on their mallet melee weapons.

El Perro Rabioso is banned by the bot due to the compressed air cord spamming it relentlessly.

David thoughie, having trooned out, comes back and releases a parody of American Boy by Estelle.

The boogeyman of the day is a splinter site named yogabbagabba.orlin

Posts are reddit spaced by default.

A soyteen completes a run of the soyjak party doom mod at GDQ 2026 and gets banned both for transphobia and for not telling anyone the game was modded.

A pirated copy of the netflix GoodFellas remake is uploaded on to /zellig/ on october 31st, causing the FBI to temporarily delete the board for copyright infringement. Half of the site cheers, whereas a zelligposter shoots up a federal building in Hawaii.

The booru is sold to Turkey Tom.

'Teen from 2027's account

Soyteen from 2027 here

Soyteen from 2026 is lying, Doll is still around by 2027, though he's gone increasingly erratic since his divorce in 2025. CoD raiding did became a thing thoughever.

New VR technology has made it possible for 'teens to raid troons and spam TND gore, earrape, and other disgusting things, and one troon actually acked zirself from this

A Discord alternative named Roombox is released, and thanks to a viral marketing campaign and it being much more welcoming to chuds, all the discordtroons that spam the 'arty with 'p move to there.

Another splinter site by the name of partysoy.jak is made due to Doll's aforementioned mental decline.

Soyjak.party gets on the news and is branded as an alt-right hate site in February 8th 2027 after 'teens troll the ADL. It gets on the news again after 'teens hacked Times Square and played Cobbo by 6ixϪhrembo in June 18th 2027

That's all I can say for now

'Teen from 2028's account

2028 Soyteen here. Sorry if my posts takes a while to upload, I wasn't lucky enough to dodge the draft and I'm currently stationed in West Poland. The WiFi here is terrible.

An edit of poopson depicting the 'jak edited to resemble the 1st transgender polish President, Jana Sobota, is posted by opposition leader Pawel Kowalski. Sobota got so angry at the 'jak that she ordered the special forces unit JW GROM to raid the headquarters of Kowalski's party, causing a civil war to ignite in the country. Surprisingly, us NATO forces are on the side of Kowalski, since Sobota is vehemently pro russian stemming from a secret relationship with former Soyjak party owner Yuri Kuznetsov. Our opponents are mainly pro-Sobota mercenaries from PMC Brimstone, a mercenary group created by Partysoy.jak admin "Hand". Casualties are high on both sides, owing to people posting the co-ordinates of their bases and supply lines on rival sites.

In non-war related news, an official Soyjak.party Pizza Tower server is started and becomes relatively popular.

A wave of refugees from the now defunct crystal.cafe begin posting on the sharty before eventually getting confined to a containment board called /admin/.

'Teens are embedding still frames from the tv series "Titanfall" into soyjaks, hoping to reconstruct the series in secret. the project is projected to be finished in 2030.

A former twitch raider becomes the foreign minster of Monaco. They become popular after CIUing the UN.

The soyjak Wiki overtakes the Norwegian language wikipedia in article count, becoming the 2nd largest wiki in the world. mainly due to the migration of booru countrycoallers and a wave of bot articles posted by the KuzBot.

Roombox is shut down after it was revealed that the co-founder of the site called himself a "sperg" back in 2019. Cancel culture has become so widespread that you can't even be mean to yourself anymore. 'Jakking remains unaffected due to a strict anonymity policy.

4chan attempts to start a nation in Antarctica. They all freeze to death because a 50 year old troon cut the power after overhearing someone saying they liked wojak posters.

In order to raise money for the poverty stricken region of west Virginia, an art piece is made by the Home Ridge mining corporation depicting a classic soyjak made out of real coal. It is a success.

Soot is revealed to be a Canadian pizza delivery man with a DUI on record.

'Teen from 2029's account

2029 soyteen here, sane guy as the last post. I’m now a millionaire after investing in Home Ridge Coalposting and I can finally call Sobota a “he” because the troon freak killed himself on New Year’s Eve, which ended the war and deactivated the proper pronouns bomb chip in the brainwave-reading helmets of every NATO soldier. Life is good.

Klaus Schwab died after inadvertently eating one of his contaminated bug meat burgers. The WEF is now pushing an “eat the cows and live in the mansion” policy after the world’s climate issues were solved by the invention of a new, clean energy source: Kuz rolling in his grave.

Tesla has lost billions of dollars after the dancing_swede video was discovered in the files of the 2027 models. A mass recall is issued.

/pol2/ was finally added to the sharty after 6 years of persistent requests.

Nikocado Avocado dies after complications with his bariatric surgery. His coinslot is preserved in a vat of formaldehyde and pork fat in the Ukrainian national museum.

The 4cuck /b/ 1 quadrillion get is stolen by a sharty user who posted an image of Coinjak. This cements him as a sharty saving gem.

The Netherlands sinks into the ocean during the production of Ongezellig Deel #7. It is never released, much to the dismay of the /zellig/ board. Frequent dives are conducted to locate the mythical episode.

Amerimutt is mistakenly banned by the American government due to the phrase “or something” being a frequent quote of president Fuentes. Or something.

'Teen from 2030's account

2030 soyteen here Coal 3 was released this year and it was so bad that it launched all of the nuclear weapons in the world simultaneously billions have died I have been sitting in this bunker alone for 4 months and I am about to run out of food and my Kuz rolling in his grave generator is about to fail I don’t have much faith in the fu

Poopson's Brother

Post-Soypocalypse Deuterocanon

Due to the Soypocalypse all of the previous accounts have been debunked by independent fact checkers, the following are accounts that can still hold true following past events.

‘Teen from 2024’s account (2)

>January - Doll, 'Leno, and Froot announce they will be founding a company called "Soylutions" in order to maintain the Sharty and associated sites.
>February - Soylutions releases a short Soyjak Dating Sim for Valentine's Day which is put on Steam. The game is co-developed by Blue Collar Games, creator of "'Member The Alamo?" This causes light controversy from Jim Sterling who ends up becoming a target of Sharty harassment and trolling.
>March - Sidson.City becomes a part of the Soylutions webring, with mixed reactions from both Sharty and Sidty userbases. It stays relatively separate and untouched by Soylutions, however, and gets support and access to Soylutions services.
>April - A new "Chatbots" page is added with Chatbots for a few notable variants, as well as an interactive "Soyjak Adventure" AI Dungeon-styled text adventure. While originally intended as an April Fools joke, it is kept up as a hidden page not linked on the site anywhere. Also at an unknown date, a Strong Bad chatbot was added for some reason.
>May - A new member joins Soylutions who goes by Wally. It is unknown if this is his real name or not, but he apparently has cybersecurity expertise and helps develop Medsflare, an in-house DDOS guard Soylutions will use for all websites in the webring. 'Teens are split on portraying him as either Walter White or Wally from Pokemon R/S/E. Wally refuses to comment on this.
>June - Chris Chan is made aware of the Sharty and posts art portraying Sonichu and Impjak meeting on his DeviantART. Some people post Sharty memes and lingo in his comments but nothing much else comes from it.
>July - Jim Sterling leaves the internet, after his address is doxxed and a Soyteen puts TTD, Troonjak, and Chudjak pictures on his door with razor blades behind them. This is blamed on Kiwi Farms and it gets DDOSed harder than usual by troons, while Sharty gets off scot free.
>August - A new member of Soylutions going by Hoot joins. He adds /geo/, a board for geology and minerals that nobody really uses, but still is kept despite being similar to /sci/. Most depict him as an Owl, with some portraying him as a 'Jakked version of Hank Schrader due to making a mineral board and his name starting with an H.
>September - A Soyteen spots Cobson plushies at a flea market among Garten of Banban and Huggy Wuggy bootleg plushies. He buys one and it is dubbed "Plushson" by soyteens. More Plushsons pop up around the USA, with some in Sweden. (Swedish win)
>October - Soylutions announces "Five Nights at Plier's", a FNAF fangame developed by Soylutions, Emil Macko, and endorsed by Markiplier. It is a part of the Fazbear Fanverse Initiative, and merch of an animatronic Markiplier Soyjak is sold. This also leads to /plier/ being added for the first time since the Captain Coal incident.
>November - A DeviantART user known as ReallyNiceGains writes Ongezellig Fat Fetish erotica with several references to the Sharty and /qa/ culture. Studio Massa deletes all his social media profiles after this, but it is unknown if these are related.
>December - A /geo/ user discovers fossils that are identified as a new species of Sauropod dinosaur, and manages to get it named "Soyasaur" as it is coincidentally discovered near a large soybean plantation. This is considered a total Sharty victory and Wally posts a skeletal dinosaur Soyjak he made, which is considered to be a gem, but people call him a retard because it was a Theropod skeleton and not a Sauropod.

The Original Poster (John Soytor) Returns

Since this post comes from an alternate timeline, the details can't be deboonked in the future.

First Post

Hello again Soyjak.party

It looks like my showing up in the past has altered this timeline. I can't tell for certain what will happen in this timeline, but here's a few clarifications on what happens in my timeline

>Froot bought the 'party during the auction in July. The same group of Doll, 'Leno, and Froot take control
>The Soyumvirate (or Soybunal, as we call them in our timeline) fires Red after discovering xir involvement in der 'cord, preventing the IP leak that happened in your timeline
>The 'party does not go down, but there is a wave of 'p spam during which image uploads are disabled
>Brojak is not poopson. While brojak is undoubtedly brimstone, Poopson makes brojak look like the gem that saved the party
>Andyjak is likely a red herring. No such variant exists in my timeline, though it's possible whoever made that post is from the timeline created after my last visit
>Poopson is not a shitjak, despite the name. It is antialiased but otherwise black and white
>Poopson was not the 5333333 GET
>It's unclear whether the man who wiped the catalog was the one behind babybot or not

Don't give up hope. In my timeline at least, Poopson is not the end of the 'party. I won't risk saying more than that now. Goodbye.

Observations

The poster of this account claims that the timeline was altered by their meddling, and that they're the same as the original time traveler. In their timeline, the Soyumvirate gets formed earlier, or more precisely, at the time of the Second Great Purchase. This directly prevents the Soypocalypse because Red gets fired, but the sharty gets spammed with 'p to the point that images are disabled, which is similar to what happened in this timeline anyway. The poster clarifies that Poopson is antialiased, black and white, and not a GET. Basically, this post denies that the Apocrypha is true.

The post closes off on an optimistic, but ambiguous note.

Second Post

One of the two images posted by Soytor to prove he is the original poster, featuring a screenshot of the original post with a (You) indicator.

I am the original poster of the "prophecy", as well as the follow-up in the previous thread (proof below)

Poopson is not any one existing variant, but not a pure original or a pure composite either. It is an amalgam of reused parts of different 'jaks and original parts. I will not comment on what parts of which 'jaks were used or what the original parts looked like.

Attempting to reconstruct Poopson is a BAD IDEA. You WILL NOT continue this. I only say this much to sate your curiosity.

Also I'm no prophet. If you must call me something, call me John Soytor. I will be back soon.

The second image posted by Soytor, proving authorship of the follow-up post

Observations

The poster provides two images as proof that he is the original poster, consisting of his prior two posts with (you)s.