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{{Gem}}
{{Vantawhite|content=Cobson will always be an AGARTHAN VANTAWHITE [[Gemerald|GEMERALD]] straight from the FREEZING PEAKS OF [[Niggerhell#Aryanheaven|ARYANHEAVEN]]!!!!!!!!!!!}}
{{Gemerald}}
{{Quoting|[[soyjak.party|This Universe]] Is Mine... [[Fact|I Am COB Here]]|Cobson<ref>[[Shit Nobody Cares About|actually jobe]]</ref>}}{{ArchiveNeeded}}{{Infobox Soyjak
{{NoBias}}
|name = Cobson
{{tip|Tip: Be careful when researching parts of this page. Kuz dissenters and supporters might change certain details to support their point of view.}}
|image = File:Cobson.png
[[File:kuzphoto.png|thumb|314x314px|<div style="font-size:25px;text-align:center;">'''Yuri Kuznetsov'''</div>
|original_image = File:original cobson cropped.png
{|
|type = [[Soyjak]] variant
|'''Born'''
|aliases =
|Yuri Mikhailovich Kuznetsov, June 30th, 1988, Bologoye, Omsk, RSFSR, USSR
* upset soyboy wojak mark 3
|-
* lawnmower soy.png<ref name="origin">https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4485181/#4486841</ref>
|'''Occupation'''
* Cob
|Network Administrator, Money Lender
* Cobby
|-
* Coalson
|'''Marital Status'''
* Shitson
|Masha Kuznetsova (2006-2009), Unknown Woman (2011-2014), Nedelya Kuznetsova (2021 - )  
* Dustson
|-
* Cobshit
|'''Known for'''
* Gemson
|[[KolymaNET]], involvement in the 'party
* GODson
|-
* Shit tier wojack [''sic'']
|'''Tripcode'''
* God tier wojack [''sic'']
|kuz!netsovkMgo
* Jacobson
|-
* Fakecobzon
|'''IAS?'''
* HWABAGson
|Varies. See: Yurijak variant
* Cobson.exe
|}
* Condom <ref> no idea where the fuck this comes from, but people have been using it lately </ref>
|alt=]]
* Cobscon <ref>https://archive.ph/wnnad</ref>
'''Yuri Mikhailovich Kuznetsov'''<sup>[[The Ultimate International Jewpill (Edition 9)|✡]]</sup> (30 June 1988), also known as '''Kuz'''<ref>"On the internet I use the moniker "kuz"." - kuz.lol</ref>, and ''k♡♡z''<ref>Various assorted irc and discord screenshots</ref> by his fans, is a 33<ref>kuz.lol his personal website says so</ref> year old Russian<ref>"I am 33, I was born in Omsk, Russia, but moved to the United States in 2014. On the internet I use the moniker "kuz"."
<div class="mw-collapsible mw-collapsed">
*ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK
* ADMIRALson
* COMMANDERson
* CAPTAINson
* LIEUTENANTson
* ULTIMATEson
* GENERALLISIMOson  
* FLAGSHIPson
* MYRIARCHson
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* MASTERson
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* TAXIARCHson
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* PHYLARCHson
* OFFICERson
* PENTECONTERson
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* MILLENARYson
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* CALIPHson
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* VOIVODEson
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* SLEUTHson
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* MYRMIDONson
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* MARSHALson
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* JACOBITEson
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* VASTson
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* FIGHTERson
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* FIANÓGLACHson
* SUBMARINERson
* MERCENARYson
* RIFLEMANson
* LANCERson
* CAVALIERson
* ARQUEBUSIERson
* VETERANson
* FUSILIERson
* HOPLITEson
* PHALANXson
* SENTRYson
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* MISSILEson
* ORDINANCEson
* POWERson
* VIRTUOSOson
* IONIANson
* DORIANson
* PHRYGIANson
* LYDIANson
* MIXOLYDIANson
* AEOLIANson
* LOCRIANson
* SPEARMANson
* SWORDSMANson
* TASKMASTERson
* SENSEIson
* KYOKUSHINson
* JUICHIDANson
* DRAGOONson
* PEONson
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* CHARTERson
* BRIGANDson
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* RESERVISTson
* HORSEMANson
* CAVALRYson
* CATERANson
* SABERson
* GUERRILLAson
* PALATINEson
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* SWASHBUCKLERson
* PLUNDERERson
* PIRATEson
* CATAPHRACTson
* CUTLASSson
* BLUNDERBUSSson
* RAPIERson
* CANNONEERson
* MINUTEMANson
* TIRAILLEURson
* TRUMPETERson
* SERVITORson
* PAVISORson
* BOWMANson
* MARKSMANson
* SNIPERson
* DECORATEDson
* DRAGONson
* MANTICOREson
* ANGELson
* HYDRAson
* GRIFFINson
* VENTUROUSson
* CHEVALIERson
* EIN-SOFson
* TEMERITOUSson
* EVERLASTINGson
* CEREBRALson
* MINDson
* SOULson
* HEARTson
* IASson
* CULTUREson
* REVOLUTIONARYson
* COMMISSARson
* REDCOATson
* CONTINENTALson
* PHILOSOPHERson
* LUMINOUSson
* CORUSCATINGson
* QUALITYson
* GILDEDson
* EMPYREALson
* AUREATEson
* CHRYSELEPHANTINEson
* PACTOLIANson
* PRESTIGEson
* MERITson
* EXCELLENTson
* STATESMANson
* PRESIDENTson
* CHANCELLORson
* TERAPHIMson
* SAINTson
* CANONson
* OPULENTson
* LUSHson
* CLASSICson
* GOSPELson
* NUCLEARson
* AMETHYSTson
* ANALEMMAson
* BERYLson
* BLESSEDson
* CHALCEDONYson
* CELESTIALson
* DIAMONDson
* DEITYson
* EMERALDson
* ECCLESIASTICALson
* FELDSPARson
* FRACTALson
* GARNETson
* GODLIKEson
* HELIODORson
* HEAVENLYson
* IDOCRASEson
* INIMITABLEson
* JASPERson
* JUDGMENTson
* KYANITEson
* KAISERson
* LAPISLAZULIson
* LAMPADEPHOREson
* MALACHITEson
* MARGARITIFEROUSson
* NEPHRITEson
* NEXUSson
* OPALson
* OBTENEBRATORson
* PERIDOTson
* PANOMPHEANson
* QUARTZson
* QUAESTORson
* RUBYson
* RAPTORIALson
* SAPPHIREson
* SCIALYTICson
* TOPAZson
* TELEGNOSTICson
* UVAROVITEson
* UNZYMOTICson
* VESUVIANITEson
* VASTATIONson
* WILLEMITEson
* WRACKFULson
* XANTHOCONITEson
* XOANONson
* ZULTANITEson
* ZOETICson
* ZIRCONson
* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
* I say this ^^^^^^^^
* or whatever
</div>
|origin = [[Qa/|/qa/]], [[4chan]] <small>(June 6, 2021)</small><ref name="origin"/>
|booru_posts = {{boorusearch|variant:cobson|display=6580+}} <small>As of December 5th, 2023</small>
|traced_from = [https://youtu.be/LUsWBCH8Ch8?t=136 The Lawnmower Man]
|subvariants = *[[Spadeson]]
*{{boorusearch|subvariant:hornyson|display=Hornyson}}
*[[#NuCob|NuCob]]
*[[Evilson]]
*[[#Nig|Nig]]
}}
'''Cobson''' is a [[Soyjak]] based on Jobe Smith from the 1992 Sci-Fi slow burn, esoteric, thought provoking, kafkaesque film "The Lawnmower Man"<ref group="lower-alpha">https://www.braflix.video/movie/10163</ref><ref>{{Template:CitePost|board=tv|no=2620|caption=I just discovered that the cobsonjak comes from a 90s movie named "The Lawnmower Man"|date=September 11, 2021|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210912040348/https://soyjak.party/tv//res/2620.html}}</ref>. Jobe's model that Cobson was traced from was developed by Angel Studios, now known as Rockstar Games<ref>umm source chud?1?1?1/</ref>. Cobson's features include 2 thick eyebrows, irises on the eyes, a well-kept stubble, an average sized forehead, and a masculine facial structure. It first arose in the middle of 2021, where it quickly gained a controversial reputation. A lot of soyjak critics at the time derided this soyjak as [[coal]]<ref name=":0" /><ref name=":1" /><ref name=":2" /> and most didn't really care about it, [[though]] a minority of critics saw it as very [[Gem|gemmy]] and dubbed it a "God tier wojack"<ref name=":3" />. However, a critical reevaluation soon followed after Cobson stole the [[GET#10000000_GET|10 millionth GET on /s4s/]].<ref><nowiki>https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000</nowiki></ref> Along with 2 of the most popular music artists on the [[Soyjak.party|Sharty]], 6ixϪhrembo<ref name=":4" /> and [[David Thoughie]], being Cobsons themselves, Cobson is now widely dubbed by soyjak critics as one of the greatest soyjaks of all time, and some even deem him to be the G.O.A.T, [[though]] there is still a minority of critics that still think that he is coal. This critical appreciation led Cobson to win Ϫ Oscars, 13 Emmys, a 9.8 rating on IMDB, a 9.5 rating on My[[Anime]]List, 6 stars on Letterboxd, and a 14.88/10 rating on RateYourMusic.{{CitationNeeded}} However, with Cobson's newfound popularity, some more [[Discord|malicious forces]] decided to use this "God tier wojack" for their own deranged purposes. Some trannies decided to make [[Spadeson|QoS edits of innocent Cobson]], and the heretical belief that he is a "slut for [[BBC]]" soon emerged among the sharty's [[Trannies|transgender]] [[Pepe|population]]. Along with edits of Cobson depicting him as a rapist called [[Rapeson]]<ref name=":6" /><ref name=":7" /><ref name=":8" />, his reputation became tainted among soyteens. He is still mostly regarded as a gem doebeit, and the bone-chilling, spine-tinging, genre-redefining vidya game called [[Five Nights at Cobson's]] is being developed by renowned game developer [[Froot|Froot Cawthon]] and his team in order to honor him.<ref name=":5">https://soyjaks.party/fnac/thread/1.html</ref>
==History==
According to the original image's [[Datamining|EXIF data]],<ref name="og_booru">https://booru.soy/post/view/1025</ref> Cobson was created on June 6th, 2021 at 14:34:35 EST by someone using Adobe Photoshop Elements 13.0 on Windows. He was subsequently posted on [[Qa/|/qa/]] at 17:03:41 EST the same day under the filename "lawnmower soy.png", with the accompanying caption: "ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK"<ref name="origin" />


He released to overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics,<ref name=":0">https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4599440/#4599440</ref><ref name=":1">https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4624451/#4624460</ref><ref name=":2">https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4925173/</ref> although this was mostly down to one [[schizo]] spamming "shit tier wojack [sic]" in every Cobson thread.<ref>https://desuarchive.org/qa/search/text/%22shit%20tier%20wojack%22/page/9/</ref><ref group="lower-alpha">A long time later, at about September 2022, an confession was made on /soy/ from the user who allegedly was the one spamming “shit tier wojack”, stating that it was because he was autistically irritated by Cobson’s beard hair.</ref> As the months went on, however, Cobson obtained a cult following among some [[Soy Community|soyteens]], who hailed him as a "god tier wojack".<ref name=":3">https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4887320/</ref> As a result, the debate of whether he is [[coal]] or [[gem]] remains a hot topic among soyteens to this day.<ref>[https://booru.soy/post/view/3039#search=variant:cobson https://booru.soy/post/view/3039]</ref>


- Kuz.lol</ref> business tycoon and former prolific poster<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220206054043/soyjak.party/soy//res/322024.html</ref> to [[Soyjak.party|the 'party]]. Kuz is the founder and administrator of the [[Kolyma Network]]<ref><nowiki>https://www.kolyma.org/about</nowiki></ref>, a Russian internet company which provides services such as webhosting, server rental, and VPNs<ref>kolyma.org</ref>. He also administrates [https://heyuri.net Heyuri], and his Company is known for hosting many [[Imageboard|imageboards]] with questionable contents and backgrounds<ref>kolyma.org/about</ref>, such as Gurochan<ref>The front page has information about KolymaNET and its involvement. https://guro.cx - WARNING, NSFW CONTENT</ref>. His [[Schizophrenia|energetic and eccentric attitude]], and [[NSS|bizarre ideas]] and websites have lead him to both success<ref>Kuz's net worth is about 108M Rubles, or roughly 1.4 Million dollars.</ref> and controversy.<ref>[[Kuz]]'s controversy page contains details about his numerous controversial engagements.</ref>
Cobson got his name on September 4th, 2021 as a [[Soy_speak#Apostrophisation|contraction]] of [[Jacobson]],<ref>https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4989115/#4989193</ref> a [[Soyjak_Nicknames|nickname for soyjaks]] that was [[Archaism|briefly used at the time]].<ref>https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4545475/#4547422</ref>


Kuz is generally considered one of the most influential soyjak.party users in history, second only to soot.<ref>Kuz is mentioned on the catalog almost as much as soot, and yurijak variants a testament to his influence on jakkers. His attempted purchase and this wiki article all further cement this.</ref> His actions, for better<ref>See: Contributions</ref> or worse<ref>See: Controversies</ref>, have a big impact on the 'party's state at any one time.<ref name=":3">Just one kuz tripcode post can send the board into a flurry</ref> He has a large base of [[Discord|detractors]] who regularly report on his every move,<ref name=":3" /> and a [[NSS|scattered base of followers]].
In his farewell Q&A, [[Kuz]] stated that Cobson was his favorite 'jak.<ref>https://soyjak.party/soy/thread/4073326.html#4074317</ref>


== Early life ==
[[Schizophrenia|On October 26th, 2023 Chris-Chan was convinced by a 'teen to give Cobson a public endorsement, however due to being severely retarded he mispronounced it as Cobs'''c'''on instead. It was nonetheless celebrated as a Cobson win.]]
'''Yuri Mikhailovich Kuznetsov''' was born on June 30, 1988, in Russia, to a [[The Ultimate International Jewpill (Edition 9)|Jewish]] family of Ukrainian and Russian origin.<ref>{{Cite web|last=Siegel|first=Alan|date=2020-08-07|title=Seth Rogen's Jewish American Tale|url=https://www.theringer.com/movies/2020/8/7/21357712/seth-rogen-american-pickle-jewish-comedy|access-date=2021-04-12|website=The Ringer|language=en}}</ref><ref name="birth notice">{{cite news|title=BIRTHS|work=Jewish Western Bulletin|date=May 13, 1982|url=http://newspapers.lib.sfu.ca/jwb-24550/page-10|access-date=July 8, 2020|quote=Sandy and Mark [[Rogan|Rogen]] are pleased to announce the birth of their son, Seth Aaron, 9 lbs. 2 oz., on April 15, a brother for Danya. Proud grandparents are Kelly and Faye Belogus of Vancouver and Annette and Al Robins, New Jersey. Great-grandparents are Edith and Joe Rogen of New York.}}</ref> His mother, Sandy Kuznetsov, is a social worker, and his Russian father, Mark Kuznetsov, worked for non-profit organizations and as an assistant director of the Workmen's Circle Jewish fraternal organization.<ref name="mark">{{cite web |last=Pfefferman |first=Naomi |url=http://www.jewishjournal.com/home/preview.php?id=7579 |title=Seth Rogen |work=[[The Jewish Journal (Boston North)|Jewish Journal]] |access-date=September 18, 2010}}</ref><ref name="guardianinterview" /><ref name="torontostar">{{cite news |url=https://www.thestar.com/entertainment/article/471435 |title=Seth Rogen sells |first=Richard |last=Ouzounian |work=[[Toronto Star]] |date=August 3, 2008 |access-date=June 16, 2011}}</ref><ref>Rodrick, Stephen. (May 27, 2007) [https://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/27/magazine/27apatow-t.html?pagewanted=all "Judd Apatow's Family Values"]. ''[[The New York Times]]''. Retrieved January 7, 2012.</ref> Of his dual citizenship, Rogen has stated, "I definitely associate with being Jewish much more than being Russian" because he grew up in Israel.<ref>{{cite web |first=Neala |last=Johnson |title=Seth Rogen's guide to making movies: lie to the studio, hire your friends, offend the church and have a lot of fun |publisher=[[News.com.au]] |date=July 12, 2013 |url=http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/movies/seth-rogen8217s-guide-to-making-movies-lie-to-the-studio-hire-your-friends-offend-the-church-and-have-a-lot-of-fun/story-e6frfmvr-1226678977733 |access-date=October 18, 2015 }}{{Dead link|date=December 2021 |bot=InternetArchiveBot |fix-attempted=yes }}</ref> He has described his parents, who met on kibbutz Beit Alfa in Israel, as "radical Jewish socialists".<ref name="guardianinterview">{{cite news |last=Patterson |first=John |title=Comedy's new centre of gravity |work=[[The Guardian]]|date=September 14, 2007 |url=https://www.theguardian.com/film/2007/sep/14/3 |access-date=June 16, 2011 |location=London}}</ref> He attended Moscow Talmud Torah Elementary School, incorporating many of his classmates into his writing, and took up kyokushin karate for ten years.<ref>{{Cite web|title=Nardwuar vs. Seth Rogen|url=https://nardwuar.com/rad/seth-rogen/|last=[[Nardwuar]]|date=May 4, 2017|website=Nardwuar the Human Serviette Radio Show!|language=en-US|access-date=2020-05-05|archive-date=May 5, 2020|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200505014103/https://nardwuar.com/rad/seth-rogen/|url-status=dead}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news|title=Seth Rogen, Not Such A Loser In Real Life|url=https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=98956848|website=NPR|language=en|access-date=2020-05-05}}</ref>


== Background ==
[[File:Cobscon.mp4|thumb|The clip|none]]
{{Template:ToBeResearched|topic=Add info from https://archive.fo/QWh0b}}


Kuz was born in 1988 in Omsk, Russia. Apparently to a poor family, on the outskirts of a village, several miles from the Kazakh border.<ref name=":1">[https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-41.0-45.427 https://archive.fo/QWh0b]</ref><ref>http://okato-kod.ru/55024000006.html</ref> Kuz is married,<ref><nowiki>https://kuz.lol</nowiki></ref> He lives in Memphis, Tennessee after allegedly fleeing the Russian Federation for tax evasion.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref><ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref>
==Music Career==
Cobson's career as a musician was jumpstarted when he received a number of edits depicting him as a rapper.<ref>https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/3208</ref><ref>https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/3495</ref><ref>https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/4873</ref> From there, he starred in an unusual number of [[Songs|song parodies]] on the [[Soyjak Party Video Archive]]. His early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when ''Gem Cobity'' released in '21? I think he really came into his own, both commercially and artistically. He's been compared to [[Soynigga|Svenska Beat]], but I think Johbson has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.  


In 2005, kuz started a Russian textboard website called 9channel<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref>, which was notably the first Russian textboard.<ref>"In 2005, Kuznetsov began working for a Russian internet services provider called Mag-Net, which provided internet for eastern Russia, primarily, Magadan, hence the name. Either before or during this same time, he started an internet textboard website called 9channel (more on this later). The site was tor-only with a clearweb gateway. It was never hugely popular as he would like to claim in later years, never surpassing more than 10,000 daily posts. The site caught notice of local authorities, and was later brought to the clearweb. From this moment on, Kuznetsov likely was at least aware that authorities were closely watching him. The sites purpose varied, but it was largely for sharing links to pornography, sometimes illegal pornography. Kuznetsov likes to claim it was filesharing pirated materials, but history would like to say otherwise."</ref> The site grew but never became particularly active, although kuz likes to pretend it was "the biggest anonymous website in Russia", [[though]] this is very [[Debunked|easibly disproven]]. The website was widely known to be only a hotbed for the sharing of [[Dancing swede.mp4|illegal material]], pirated movies, and "crime announcements", or posts announcing or displaying small crimes (like vandalism) anonymously. The latter became such a problem that it is specifically written into the Kolyma Networks rules that "crime announcements" are banned, although this did little to curb the problem. The website was shut down in 2017 along with most of kuz's websites.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b</ref><ref>https://kolyma.org/about </ref><ref><nowiki>https://devyach.net/9ch.html</nowiki></ref>
===David Thoughie===
[[File:Cobman - My Mix.png|thumb|''Cobman'' appearing as the first video in a soyteen's autogenerated YouTube music playlist.|none]]
In 2021 and 2022, Cobson's disassociate personality [[David Thoughie]] released two parody songs, [[Songs#Gem Cobbity by David Thoughie (Parody of Space Oddity by David Bowie)|''Gem Cobity'']] and [[Songs#Cobman by David Thoughie (Parody of Starman by David Bowie)|''Cobman'']], both to widespread critical acclaim. Multiple chuds have admitted to listening to these songs "unironically", including one YouTube reviewer who described it as an "actual gem",<ref>[[:File:Cobman Review 1-3.png|File:Cobman Review 1-3.png]]</ref> and another who hailed it as "Perhaps the greatest gem ever mined and cut thus far".<ref>[[:File:Cobman Review 2-3.png|File:Cobman Review 2-3.png]]</ref>


Proof of the existance of 9channel is scarce as users of the website were generally rather secretive. There are no public archives, as kuz refuses to release any, the site also is not on archive.org or archive.is because it is was tor-only.<ref>Please replace this citation with one from one of kuz's sites. He has said this multiple times but i cant find it</ref> There is however a "Devyach" (9ch in Russian) twitter account which contains a tor link and was created in 2009.<ref><nowiki>https://twitter.com/devyach</nowiki></ref> This is very likely the real 9channel as it cites its location as Omsk, Russia, and contains a common 9ch slogan in the description.<ref>https://twitter.com/devyach</ref>
In January 2022, ''Cobman'' was nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature (even doe it's a song and not a book).<ref>[[:File:Cobman Review 3-3.png|File:Cobman Review 3-3.png]]</ref>


In 2008, kuz contracted [[Faggot|HIV]] from a prostitute on a "business" trip to poland.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-131.312-131.424</ref> Critics suggest he actually contracted it from being brutally raped in the Russian [[Soyldiers|Military]], which is a common occurrence.<ref>https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2020/02/17/decade-after-military-reform-hazing-plagues-russian-army-a69309</ref> However kuz never actually served in the military, citing poor eyesight.<ref name=":1" />
===''Cobbo''===
''[[Songs#Cobbo by 6ixϪhrembo (Parody of GUMMO by 6ix9ine)|Cobbo]]'', also known as Cob Gang, is a popular parody song whose lyrical content offers a scathing critique on the human soyndition (soy condition), delivered in the high art of mumble rap. It is extremely popular; as of February 2022 it is the most viewed video on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. ''Cobbo'', and by extension Cobson himself, is one of only a couple things to ever receive the rare honour of starring on the [[Soyjak.party|Soyjak Party]] homepage, the highest award [[Soot]] could bestow.
====/s4s/ incident====
<blockquote>''Main article: [[Swaglord]]''</blockquote>[[File:10m -s4s-.png|thumb|Extremely keyed Brazilian victory|none]]The use of ''Cobbo'''s lyrics as material for post n°10000000 on [[S4s/|/s4s/]]<ref>https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967</ref><ref>https://archived.moe/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000</ref> was considered by many onlookers to have immortalized Cobson into a gem; [[Fact|GEMson]]: Coalson redeemed. This was also a [[User:FlorianopolisBrazilian|massive Brazilian victory]] and it made [[Swaglord]] go on one of the biggest [[janny]] seethe sessions ever documented.


==== Political opinions ====
=== Other songs===
Kuz regularly promotes [[Schizophrenia|alt-right, debunked, fringe, fascist, insurrectionist, democracy-destroying, build-back-better-breaking conspiracy theories]] and disinfo.<ref>Kuz promoted multiple on his twitter, see more below
[[File:HWABABAG.jpeg|thumb|'''HWABABAG''' (He Will Always Be A Bag)]]
In an attempt to capitalise on the surprise success of 'Cobbo'', Cobson produced an unofficial sequel ''[[Songs#Gemmy by 6ixϪhrembo (Parody of Billy by 6ix9ine)|Gemmy]],''<ref name=":4">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk</ref> as well as a [[Squirrel|nutwave]] re-release of the original.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk</ref> Despite good reviews and mild popularity, these spin-offs failed to capture the runaway success of the original.


</ref>
In January of 2022, Cobson collaborated with fellow singer-songwriter [[Nojak]] to produce a short audio sample titled ''6ixϪhrembo & DJ Moose''.<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk</ref>


=== Source of wealth ===
==The Great BBC Slander ==
Kuz's net worth is about 108M Rubles, or roughly 1.4 Million dollars<ref>Private admission in a 2020 Q&A (link pending)</ref>. He regularly drops large amounts of money on websites he likes in attempts to buy them. Offering "2k for the sharty" at one point. He also bought a website called [[Vidlii]], for an undisclosed number, allgedly about 5,000. In 2021 he bought Gurochan, and has offered 3k for Lainchan, 7k for 7chan, and 21k for 8chan.moe.<ref>Various self-leaked emails over the years. Unknown how many of these offers were serious but at least 2 (Sharty and lainchan) actually began before the admins changed their mind.</ref> His company, KolymaNET, is also the largest internet provider in Omsk, and kuz owns several datacenters in Russia and Turkey.<ref>"[...] We also offer colocation and DDOS protection from our datacenters in Russia, Turkey, and USA." - kolyma.org frontpage</ref>
<blockquote>''Main Article: [[Spadeson]]''</blockquote>
In late 2021 and early 2022 edits of Cobson began to appear on the Sharty, [[Bant/|/bant/]] and the [[Booru]] depicting Cobson as a “BBC Slut,” these edits were likely made by [[Discord|Discoal]] [[Trannies|tranny]] raiders and in an effort to slander Cobson’s name and title of “God-Tier Wojak.” As of late April 2022 edits are still appearing on the Party and /bant/. Cobson has refused to speak publicly about the incident but his lawyer Saul Goodman has stated in an official open letter that they are pursuing a defamation lawsuit against those posting defamatory edits.


Some speculate most of his money was gained through an illicit exit scam<ref>The Rychuvak Scandal (see below)</ref>.
On July 24th, 2022, [[Kuz]] announced that Cobson BBC spam is no longer allowed, marking a temporary end for BBC slander on the Sharty. <ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220817182342/https://soyjak.party/news.html</ref><ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220727094419/https://soyjak.party/rules.html</ref> Since the Kuz era has passed, Spadeson spam has been re-legalized, and there are incidents of the 'log being spammed with Spadesons to this day.
{{clear}}


The source of his money is unknown, but he has said on a few occasions that it was from "smart investments" and "good luck"<blockquote>"I wasnt born into wealth, I built everything I have myself. I just dont want to give off the appearance of being super intelligent or some sigma billionaire, I was just lucky, I was in the right place at the right time and made a smart investment."     
==Cobinisation==
[[File:Soy 317771.png|thumb|250px|alt=Does anyone have the original? It ain't on the 'ru.|In some cases, intensive cobinisation may end up replacing the native popsoylation.
]]
'''Cobinisation''' ([[Template:Use British English|British English]]; or '''cobinization''' in American English) is a phenomenon observed in the [[Soy Community|soy community]] whereby previous edits featuring non-Cobson variants eventually resurface as Cobsons.


==Relationship with Soyjak Party==
If this trend continues, [[Science|scientists]] estimate that all soyjaks will be Cobsons by the year 2033.
[[File:IAS Kuzjak.png|alt=|thumb|The Yurijak ariant is a uncommon but quickly growing soyjak variant depicting kuz.]]Kuz has been subject to multiple controversies throughout his career.
Kuz is [[best known for]] for being the center of several major controversies and drama on the 'party, such as CP spam, DDOS attacks, attempts to overthrow [[soot]], [[Vandalism#On_the_Soyjak_Wiki|wiki vandalism]], pro-kuz propaganda spam, psy-ops, doxxing, bad-faith arguments, and others.<ref>[[Schizophrenia]]</ref>


Reception on Kuz amongst 'party users is mixed.<ref name=":2"><nowiki>https://soyjak.party/soy/catalog.html</nowiki></ref> While many admire his willingness to communicate with the userbase, develop software, pay server bills, and engage in community actions like 'jak making, a vast number of 'party users critisize him, citing CP spam, threats, hypocrisy, and more. At any one time the catalog could be overwhelmingly supportive of kuz, to every other thread spiting him.<ref name=":2" />
{{clear}}
==Subvariants ==


=== Contributions ===
===NuCob===
Kuz was the originator of multiple trends on the Party. Critics allege that these contributions are part of a coordinated effort to mentally manipulate and demoralise the party's userbase in preparation of a possible takeover; however, as of the time of writing, historic analysis on the authenticity of these trends has yet to be carried out.[[File:ancient_kuz_irc_raid.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Kuz lone-raiding #4chan in october of 2020, using "soyspeak".]]
[[File:Wholesome nucob.png|right|thumb|150px|A wholesome NuCob edit]]
'''NuCob''' is a popular edit of Cobson that's mostly used in wholesome edits due to the angry nature of Cobson. NuCob was first posted on [[Qa/|/qa/]] on October 12th 2021 following the massive success of Cobson.<ref>https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/5229412/</ref> Alongside the usual wholesome edits, some edits depict NuCob as Cobson's son.<ref>{{Boorusearch|1=hash=5a06daff25bc9df2c75b08cc1f0dbb15}}</ref>


==== Eearly soyjak-related activity ====
{{Clear}}
Kuz's first publicly recorded soyduel was in September of 2020.<ref>https://archive.wakarimasen.moe/qa/thread/3505885</ref> Back then, he had a habit of using what he named "soyspeak" as a way of antagonizing 4chan users.
[[File:Soy.png|thumb|A more "soy" version of the classic yurijak]]


==== Even tho bbc====
===Rapeson===
Kuz seems to have kickstarted this meme in early November 2021. Though he has noted that he was not the first to make such a thread, he did popularize it by flooding the entire catalog with <span style="color:#117743">>even tho bbc</span> spam and [[BBC]] gibberish in December of 2021.<ref>Catalog on dec 12 2021 and a telegram post made by kuz</ref>
[[File:Evilson.jpg|right|thumb|150px|Rapeson]]
<blockquote>''Main Article: [[Rapeson]]''</blockquote>'''Rapeson''', also known as '''Evilson''' is an ominous subvariant of Cobson that was first posted on [[Soy/|/soy/]] on August 15th, 2022. He is commonly depicted as a disturbingly evil character that commits acts of extreme cruelty, such as rape and murder.<ref name=":7">https://web.archive.org/web/20220816110803/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/918549.html</ref><ref name=":6">https://web.archive.org/web/20220816110934/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/920417.html</ref><ref name=":8">https://web.archive.org/web/20220816111155/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/921403.html</ref>


====Alternative rating standards====
{{Clear}}
Kuz invented [[iron]] and rustjaks<ref>they did not appear before kuz uploaded them to the booru under his account, he also pushed for their use on his personal website.</ref>, and originally proposed "[[iron]]" and "[[rust]]" as a replacement to [[gem]] and [[coal]]. This later kickstarted other rating systems, based off kuz's original proposal. Such as tseries/pewds, mustard/ketchup, and the elemental rating system. In typical kuz fashion, when it was exposed that the iron/rust grifting was his doing he denied it all and blamed it on hackers.<ref>https://archive.fo/jqIMF</ref>


====Soy_JS TextJaks====
===Female Cobson===
Kuz invented Soy_JS textjaks, a type of [[ASCIIjak]] which uses [[Japan|japanese]] character encoding for better results.<ref>https://kwa.devyach.net/soyjak/1.html?</ref>
[[File:40369_-_SoyBooru.png|right|thumb|150px|Female Cobson]]
[[File:Femalecobson.png|right|thumb|150px|Female Cobson]]
'''Female Cobson''' or '''Cobette''' is a blanket term for any female variant of Cobson. The original variant of Female Cobson was proportionally the same as the original Cobson, without nasolabial folds or stubble and with a hat and hairstyle similar to [[Femjak|Female Gapejak]]. In February 2023, user [[Sectionalism]] uploaded a new variant to the [[SoyBooru|'ru]] which featured a more feminine head and face, as well as a Queen of Hearts symbol on her hat. This variant rose in popularity and largely replaced the old variant
{{Clear}}


===Attempted purchase ===
===Spadeson===
On January 25, Kuz leaked emails between him and [[soot]] wherein soot offered to sell the 'party to kuz.<ref name=":0">https://archive.fo/HSper</ref> However, this thread turned out to be a troll. Soot '''did actually try to sell the site to kuz'''<ref name=":0" />, but after things cleared up in his personal life and he changed his mind, with kuz apparently making this thread just for some [[(You)]]'s after he knew the deal fell through.
[[File:Spadeson-gyatt.png|right|thumb|140px]]
{{Main|Spadeson}}


The deal was for 600$ in bitcoin in return for ownership of soyjak.party and a backup of the site on the day of the transfer, effectively giving kuz complete control over the site.
Vantablack coal used mainly for racebaiting. Popular on the booru to the surprise of nobody.


Kuz later made another thread criticizing soot for being rude to him, soot apologized but said that Kuz's response to the failed deal was "immature"<ref>https://archive.fo/BngLW</ref>.


Amongst the leaked emails were multiple emails to soot '''which soot answered''' that contained requests for IP's of posters on the 'party, as well as requests for thread deletions for 'legal issues'. Whether soot accepted these requests is unknown.


==Controversies==
===Nig===
[[File:Anti-kuzzer-posts-cp.png|thumb|Anti-Kuz poster accidentally blames kuz for the CP on the same IP he spammed it with]]Kuz has been subject to multiple controversies throughout his career.
{{main|Nig}}
{{Infobox Soyjak
|name = Nig
|image = File:nig.png
|original_image = File:TotalWarRomeGuy.jpg
|type = [[Cobson]] variant
|aliases =
* Cob 2
* Nigger
* Cobinus Thrax
* Rome Total War guy<ref>https://wiki.soyjak.party/Cobson</ref>
</div>
|origin = [[Qa/ (soyjak.party)|/qa/]], <small>(June 6, 2023)</small><ref name="origin"/>
|booru_posts = {{boorusearch|variant:cobson|display=6290+}} <small>As of October 27th, 2023</small>
|traced_from = [https://wiki.soyjak.party/File:TotalWarRomeGuy.jpg Rome Total War]
|subvariants = *None (yet)
}}
'''Nig''' or '''Narge''', originally '''Cob 2''', is a subvariant of Cobson traced from the guy on Rome: Total War's cover art. The name was decided in a thread where dubs named him and Nig got dubs twice. He is the cousin of Cobson{{CitationNeeded|He just is, ok?}} This variant has since become dead.  


===Child Pornography and Pedophilia Allegations===
{{Clear}}
[[File:Kuz little girl cunny.jpg|400px|thumb|right|Kuz with a young girl.<sup>[Whats with the costumes?]</sup>]]
Kuz is a commonly cited suspect for the constant CP spam<ref>Mentions of "kuz" and "CP spam" are directly correlated in the catalog.</ref> that has plagued the 'party. Critics allege it's in Kuz's best interest to shut down the 'party as he sees it as a rival<sup>[Citation needed]</sup>. The CP spammer only ever comes online when Kuz is also online, which could mean that they are the same person, Kuz however responds saying this is intentional and that he is being framed, suggesting that one of his critics is doing it to frame him.<ref>Various since-deleted threads on the 'party. Kuz deletes his own threads to prevent them from being archived.</ref>


In February of 2022 another wave of CP and kuz drama hit /soy/ as multiple subtly edited bait and switch videos appeared on the 'log, using a number of famous soyjak videos with CP spliced in to wage psychological war on 'party users.
== In Popular Culture ==
Cobson was subtly referenced in the 2022 movie ''[[tv/|The Batman]]''<ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtdh0Tkqfdw&t=132s</ref>


[[Kuz impersonator|A person alleging to be kuz]] was seen in a Discord screenshot, wherein a user known as "Pollyanna" was repeatedly accused of being part of an "all-swedish pedophile discord cult" where users worshipped a 16 year old girl known as "Hexagonalpeach". Pollyanna never denied her involvement with the group, instead claiming that the group was harmless and it was kuz who was antagonizing them. After a long argument where "kuz" posted several pictures showing "hex cultists" trying to entrap and frame him, the thread was deleted and the argument stopped.
Cobson is also the name of a [[CobSOn_(band)|French indie band]].<ref>https://www.discogs.com/release/10126394-Cobson-Cobson</ref> [[Datamining|Jewgle]] won't give me any more info on them (possibly {{Glow|'''CIA'''}} intervention), so no [[Science|source]] is available. (Even though the band has a biography on lastfm [[you]] selfish little fuck) <ref>https://www.last.fm/music/Cobson/+wiki</ref>
[[File:DON'T TRUST THE RUSKI.png|thumb|The rules on one of kuz's websites that bears no relation to the party or soyjak culture at all. One Chud is certain that this is proof of him wanting to implement the same exotic rules on the 'party to ultimately destroy it.]]


A slowburn, thought-provoking, no cheap-jumpscares video game called [[Five Nights at Cobson's]] was announced to be in development in order to honor Cobson.<ref name=":5" /> A trailer was released <ref>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYBPSSTqUkA</ref>, and the demo of the game itself released soon after. The game featured Cobson and variants as enemies and characters in FNAC. With the usual detractors for any game, it's generally agreed that Cobson was represented fairly. The full game is still in development doebeit.


==Gallery==
<gallery>
File:Original cobson.png|The original frame from the movie (gemmy wallpaper)
File:Cobson.svg|[[Science|Vectorized]] Cobson
</gallery>


===Datamining===
==See also==


Kuz, or at least his company, is public about his datamining initiatives. His company's protection service, the [[NSS]], openly admits on their site that their goal is to:<blockquote>The NSS is tasked with a variety of tasks, such as monitoring dangerous users, cooperating with the surveillance office to collect and catalog information on certain users, remove internal and external threats, and ensure the social integrity of the whole of the Kolyma Network.</blockquote>The Network Security Service has been involved in a number of scandals and blackmailings, as well as false flag operation, psyops, and even assasinations (seriously).<ref>Kuz has repeatedly threatened to have people who crossed him "handled" and says he can "have anyone anywhere delt with within 24 hours"</ref>
*[[Gem]]{{CitationNeeded}}
*[[Vocaroo]]
*[https://thespool.net/features/fotm/the-lawnmower-man-stephen-king/ this is probably relevant. it just (probably) is, ok?]


===Controlled Opposition ===
{{reflist|group=lower-alpha}}
Some users of the 'party believe kuz deliberately hires people to hate him, then makes them act as stupid as possible to give the illusion that his enemies are retarded.
{{reflist}}


=== Rychuvak Scandal ===
{{Variants}}
Kuz was involved in a crypto exit scam where 31538 bitcoin were stolen, though he got away with blaming most of the crime on his partner, Vass Boldizar.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-123.0-151.460</ref> In 2012, that was just about USD $400,000, although the valuation of the bitcoins that were stolen has only gone up in time.
[[Category:Variants]]
 
[[Category:Gemeralds]]
Bitcoin had recently seen one of its signature spikes, when according to kuz, Vass had his men barge in to the server room, unload several racks of servers into vans and drove away, never to be seen again.<ref>https://archive.fo/QWh0b#selection-123.0-151.460</ref>
[[Category:Gems]]
 
{{Corner|br|[[File:Cob3.png]]}}
As of 2022, the valuation of these stolen bitcoins would be about $1,335,355,151.
 
The fact that kuz is not a billionaire (in fact, he has less than 1/200th of that number) gives credit to the story that he was not the orchestrator of the plan.
 
===Manipulating the dailyjak===
The [https://t.me/s/dailyjak dailyjak] is a pro-Kuz [[soyjak]]-oriented propaganda telecommunications network which regularly provides news posts and updates on the latest trends in jakking. It regularly provides news and updates on the 'party, and if they involve kuz, they are careful to not portray him negatively.
 
===Tax evasion===
Kuz fled Russia in 2014 for tax evasion.<ref><nowiki>https://uyk2021.github.io</nowiki></ref>
 
=== Anti-Vaccine disinfo===
Kuz regularly retweets anti-[[vaccine]] disinfo on his twitter account.<ref><nowiki>https://twitter.com/yurimkuznetsov</nowiki></ref>
 
===Cybercrime===
On January 26, chuds called out for kuzs websites to be DDOS'd. Minutes later, the 'party started issuing "DDoS attack warnings" and forcing users to click verify (doxx themselves to the [[NSS]]) before they could post.
 
Kuz once hacked the imageboard of one of his rivals and made it redirect to an expose.<ref>https://archive.fo/HGJlw (Look at the "redirected from" part)</ref>
 
=== Support for the Democratic People's Republic of Korea ===
On November 26, 2021, Kuz retweeted<ref>https://twitter.com/Mango_Press_/status/1464245603563618332?cxt=HHwWuICyhcvnhdIoAAAA</ref> a debunked conspiracy theory alleging that the [[wikipedia:Sony_Pictures_hack|2014 Sony Pictures hack]] was a falseflag operation by the United States government to damage the international reputation of North Korea.
 
== Downfall and dissaperance ==
In early 2022, once it became clear that [[Soot]] would not sell him [[Soyjak.party|the 'party]], Kuz entered into a deep depressive state and noticeably changed. On February 5th, 2022, Kuz made his final post announcing that he was leaving the scene forever.<ref>https://web.archive.org/web/20220206054043/soyjak.party/soy//res/322024.html</ref> The next morning, the US State Department announced that Kuz had been found dead at his Memphis estate.
 
He is buried at Staro-Vostochnoye Kladbishche cemetary in his native Omsk, Russia.[[File:Concerned fishjak at computer.png|thumb|{{Quote|>Actually he just made a troll post and is still here, Soiteens seem to be incapable of ignoring a bait as long as the topic is somehow related to kuz, which is evident just by taking a quick look at the recent state of the catalog, where kuz is mentioned about 150 times.}}]]
 
===Alleged sightings===
There have been NO sightings of kuz. He is NOT alive. You WILL take your medications.
 
Actually he just made a troll post and is still here, [[Schizophrenia|Soiteens]] seem to be incapable of ignoring a bait as long as the topic is somehow related to kuz, which is evident just by taking a quick look at the recent state of the catalog, where kuz is mentioned about 150 times.
=See also (datamining link, do not click)=
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20211105044734/https://info.kolyma.org/kuz.html info.kolyma.org/kuz.html] - Kuz's own wiki article (biased)
*[https://kuz.lol Kuz's personal website]
*[[soot|kuz's alt]]
 
=Citations=
<references />

Latest revision as of 07:57, 17 May 2024

Cobson will always be an AGARTHAN VANTAWHITE GEMERALD straight from the FREEZING PEAKS OF ARYANHEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!

“ This Universe Is Mine... I Am COB Here ”
Cobson[1]


Cobson

Soyjak variant
Aliases
  • upset soyboy wojak mark 3
  • lawnmower soy.png[2]
  • Cob
  • Cobby
  • Coalson
  • Shitson
  • Dustson
  • Cobshit
  • Gemson
  • GODson
  • Shit tier wojack [sic]
  • God tier wojack [sic]
  • Jacobson
  • Fakecobzon
  • HWABAGson
  • Cobson.exe
  • Condom [3]
  • Cobscon [4]
  • ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK
  • ADMIRALson
  • COMMANDERson
  • CAPTAINson
  • LIEUTENANTson
  • ULTIMATEson
  • GENERALLISIMOson
  • FLAGSHIPson
  • MYRIARCHson
  • IMPERATORson
  • SHIPMASTERson
  • SERASKIERson
  • PRAETORIANson
  • CENTURIONson
  • COMMANDANTson
  • PREFECTson
  • ADELANTADOson
  • LEADERson
  • CHIEFTAINson
  • ALCAIDEson
  • HETMANson
  • CONSTABLEson
  • PARTISANson
  • TRIERARCHson
  • CONDUCTORson
  • SARDARson
  • PROCONSULson
  • SUPREMEson
  • UBERMENSCHson
  • TETRARCHson
  • SHOGUNson
  • MASTERson
  • FUHRERson
  • DRUNGARson
  • DUXson
  • DOYENson
  • WARLORDson
  • GAGEson
  • TYCOONson
  • LOCHAGEson
  • TAXIARCHson
  • HEADson
  • PRIDEson
  • PRIESTson
  • IMANson
  • CROWNERson
  • PHYLARCHson
  • OFFICERson
  • PENTECONTERson
  • HERALDson
  • CHIEFson
  • DUKEson
  • COMMODOREson
  • AGHAson
  • RISALDARson
  • MILLENARYson
  • EMPERORson
  • CALIPHson
  • TRIPHIBIANson
  • REGIMENTARYson
  • VOIVODEson
  • CONDOTTIEREson
  • SABOTEURson
  • SLEUTHson
  • SALADINson
  • SULTANson
  • HERETOGAson
  • TURCOPOLIERson
  • DEPUTYson
  • MONARCHson
  • PREMIERson
  • SHARIFson
  • SHEIKHson
  • UNUMVIRson
  • PROVOSTson
  • COACHson
  • DAMEson
  • KNIGHTson
  • MYRMIDONson
  • PASHAson
  • STAFFson
  • EMIRson
  • DEANson
  • REQUISITEson
  • MARSHALson
  • HERETOGson
  • CORPORALson
  • COLONELson
  • COUNTson
  • MARQUISson
  • DUCALson
  • GRACEson
  • LORDson
  • PRINCEson
  • KINGson
  • CROWNERson
  • NOBLEson
  • REGALIAson
  • DICTATORson
  • ARISTOCRATson
  • UKASEson
  • ZEMTSVOson
  • TSARson
  • MAHARAJAson
  • POPEson
  • ARCHBISHOPson
  • DUMAson
  • DAIMYOson
  • MIKADOson
  • MAGNATEson
  • KHANson
  • CHAMPIONson
  • TUCHUNson
  • SHIFUson
  • SAMURAIson
  • CHESTson
  • CONQUERORson
  • VICTORson
  • TRIBUTARYson
  • SUBJUGATORson
  • GLADIATORson
  • RETIARIUSson
  • KILLERson
  • LAQUEARYson
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  • AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • I say this ^^^^^^^^
  • or whatever
Origin/qa/, 4chan (June 6, 2021)[2]
Booru Posts 6580+ As of December 5th, 2023
Traced FromThe Lawnmower Man
Subvariants

Cobson is a Soyjak based on Jobe Smith from the 1992 Sci-Fi slow burn, esoteric, thought provoking, kafkaesque film "The Lawnmower Man"[a][5]. Jobe's model that Cobson was traced from was developed by Angel Studios, now known as Rockstar Games[6]. Cobson's features include 2 thick eyebrows, irises on the eyes, a well-kept stubble, an average sized forehead, and a masculine facial structure. It first arose in the middle of 2021, where it quickly gained a controversial reputation. A lot of soyjak critics at the time derided this soyjak as coal[7][8][9] and most didn't really care about it, though a minority of critics saw it as very gemmy and dubbed it a "God tier wojack"[10]. However, a critical reevaluation soon followed after Cobson stole the 10 millionth GET on /s4s/.[11] Along with 2 of the most popular music artists on the Sharty, 6ixϪhrembo[12] and David Thoughie, being Cobsons themselves, Cobson is now widely dubbed by soyjak critics as one of the greatest soyjaks of all time, and some even deem him to be the G.O.A.T, though there is still a minority of critics that still think that he is coal. This critical appreciation led Cobson to win Ϫ Oscars, 13 Emmys, a 9.8 rating on IMDB, a 9.5 rating on MyAnimeList, 6 stars on Letterboxd, and a 14.88/10 rating on RateYourMusic.[it just is, ok?] However, with Cobson's newfound popularity, some more malicious forces decided to use this "God tier wojack" for their own deranged purposes. Some trannies decided to make QoS edits of innocent Cobson, and the heretical belief that he is a "slut for BBC" soon emerged among the sharty's transgender population. Along with edits of Cobson depicting him as a rapist called Rapeson[13][14][15], his reputation became tainted among soyteens. He is still mostly regarded as a gem doebeit, and the bone-chilling, spine-tinging, genre-redefining vidya game called Five Nights at Cobson's is being developed by renowned game developer Froot Cawthon and his team in order to honor him.[16]

History

According to the original image's EXIF data,[17] Cobson was created on June 6th, 2021 at 14:34:35 EST by someone using Adobe Photoshop Elements 13.0 on Windows. He was subsequently posted on /qa/ at 17:03:41 EST the same day under the filename "lawnmower soy.png", with the accompanying caption: "ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK"[2]

He released to overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics,[7][8][9] although this was mostly down to one schizo spamming "shit tier wojack [sic]" in every Cobson thread.[18][b] As the months went on, however, Cobson obtained a cult following among some soyteens, who hailed him as a "god tier wojack".[10] As a result, the debate of whether he is coal or gem remains a hot topic among soyteens to this day.[19]

Cobson got his name on September 4th, 2021 as a contraction of Jacobson,[20] a nickname for soyjaks that was briefly used at the time.[21]

In his farewell Q&A, Kuz stated that Cobson was his favorite 'jak.[22]

On October 26th, 2023 Chris-Chan was convinced by a 'teen to give Cobson a public endorsement, however due to being severely retarded he mispronounced it as Cobscon instead. It was nonetheless celebrated as a Cobson win.

The clip

Music Career

Cobson's career as a musician was jumpstarted when he received a number of edits depicting him as a rapper.[23][24][25] From there, he starred in an unusual number of song parodies on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. His early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when Gem Cobity released in '21? I think he really came into his own, both commercially and artistically. He's been compared to Svenska Beat, but I think Johbson has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

David Thoughie

Cobman appearing as the first video in a soyteen's autogenerated YouTube music playlist.

In 2021 and 2022, Cobson's disassociate personality David Thoughie released two parody songs, Gem Cobity and Cobman, both to widespread critical acclaim. Multiple chuds have admitted to listening to these songs "unironically", including one YouTube reviewer who described it as an "actual gem",[26] and another who hailed it as "Perhaps the greatest gem ever mined and cut thus far".[27]

In January 2022, Cobman was nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature (even doe it's a song and not a book).[28]

Cobbo

Cobbo, also known as Cob Gang, is a popular parody song whose lyrical content offers a scathing critique on the human soyndition (soy condition), delivered in the high art of mumble rap. It is extremely popular; as of February 2022 it is the most viewed video on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. Cobbo, and by extension Cobson himself, is one of only a couple things to ever receive the rare honour of starring on the Soyjak Party homepage, the highest award Soot could bestow.

/s4s/ incident

Main article: Swaglord

Extremely keyed Brazilian victory

The use of Cobbo's lyrics as material for post n°10000000 on /s4s/[29][30] was considered by many onlookers to have immortalized Cobson into a gem; GEMson: Coalson redeemed. This was also a massive Brazilian victory and it made Swaglord go on one of the biggest janny seethe sessions ever documented.

Other songs

HWABABAG (He Will Always Be A Bag)

In an attempt to capitalise on the surprise success of 'Cobbo, Cobson produced an unofficial sequel Gemmy,[12] as well as a nutwave re-release of the original.[31] Despite good reviews and mild popularity, these spin-offs failed to capture the runaway success of the original.

In January of 2022, Cobson collaborated with fellow singer-songwriter Nojak to produce a short audio sample titled 6ixϪhrembo & DJ Moose.[32]

The Great BBC Slander

Main Article: Spadeson

In late 2021 and early 2022 edits of Cobson began to appear on the Sharty, /bant/ and the Booru depicting Cobson as a “BBC Slut,” these edits were likely made by Discoal tranny raiders and in an effort to slander Cobson’s name and title of “God-Tier Wojak.” As of late April 2022 edits are still appearing on the Party and /bant/. Cobson has refused to speak publicly about the incident but his lawyer Saul Goodman has stated in an official open letter that they are pursuing a defamation lawsuit against those posting defamatory edits.

On July 24th, 2022, Kuz announced that Cobson BBC spam is no longer allowed, marking a temporary end for BBC slander on the Sharty. [33][34] Since the Kuz era has passed, Spadeson spam has been re-legalized, and there are incidents of the 'log being spammed with Spadesons to this day.

Cobinisation

Does anyone have the original? It ain't on the 'ru.
In some cases, intensive cobinisation may end up replacing the native popsoylation.

Cobinisation (British English; or cobinization in American English) is a phenomenon observed in the soy community whereby previous edits featuring non-Cobson variants eventually resurface as Cobsons.

If this trend continues, scientists estimate that all soyjaks will be Cobsons by the year 2033.

Subvariants

NuCob

A wholesome NuCob edit

NuCob is a popular edit of Cobson that's mostly used in wholesome edits due to the angry nature of Cobson. NuCob was first posted on /qa/ on October 12th 2021 following the massive success of Cobson.[35] Alongside the usual wholesome edits, some edits depict NuCob as Cobson's son.[36]

Rapeson

Rapeson

Main Article: Rapeson

Rapeson, also known as Evilson is an ominous subvariant of Cobson that was first posted on /soy/ on August 15th, 2022. He is commonly depicted as a disturbingly evil character that commits acts of extreme cruelty, such as rape and murder.[14][13][15]

Female Cobson

Female Cobson
Female Cobson

Female Cobson or Cobette is a blanket term for any female variant of Cobson. The original variant of Female Cobson was proportionally the same as the original Cobson, without nasolabial folds or stubble and with a hat and hairstyle similar to Female Gapejak. In February 2023, user Sectionalism uploaded a new variant to the 'ru which featured a more feminine head and face, as well as a Queen of Hearts symbol on her hat. This variant rose in popularity and largely replaced the old variant

Spadeson

Main article: Spadeson

Vantablack coal used mainly for racebaiting. Popular on the booru to the surprise of nobody.


Nig

Main article: Nig

Nig

Cobson variant
Aliases
  • Cob 2
  • Nigger
  • Cobinus Thrax
  • Rome Total War guy[37]
Origin/qa/, (June 6, 2023)[2]
Booru Posts 6290+ As of October 27th, 2023
Traced FromRome Total War
Subvariants
  • None (yet)

Nig or Narge, originally Cob 2, is a subvariant of Cobson traced from the guy on Rome: Total War's cover art. The name was decided in a thread where dubs named him and Nig got dubs twice. He is the cousin of Cobson[He just is, ok?] This variant has since become dead.

In Popular Culture

Cobson was subtly referenced in the 2022 movie The Batman[38]

Cobson is also the name of a French indie band.[39] Jewgle won't give me any more info on them (possibly CIA intervention), so no source is available. (Even though the band has a biography on lastfm you selfish little fuck) [40]

A slowburn, thought-provoking, no cheap-jumpscares video game called Five Nights at Cobson's was announced to be in development in order to honor Cobson.[16] A trailer was released [41], and the demo of the game itself released soon after. The game featured Cobson and variants as enemies and characters in FNAC. With the usual detractors for any game, it's generally agreed that Cobson was represented fairly. The full game is still in development doebeit.

Gallery

  • The original frame from the movie (gemmy wallpaper)

    The original frame from the movie (gemmy wallpaper)

  • Vectorized Cobson

    Vectorized Cobson

See also


Notes

  1. ↑ https://www.braflix.video/movie/10163
  2. ↑ A long time later, at about September 2022, an confession was made on /soy/ from the user who allegedly was the one spamming “shit tier wojack”, stating that it was because he was autistically irritated by Cobson’s beard hair.

Citations

  1. ↑ actually jobe
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4485181/#4486841
  3. ↑ no idea where the fuck this comes from, but people have been using it lately
  4. ↑ https://archive.ph/wnnad
  5. ↑ /tv/, post no. 2620. I just discovered that the cobsonjak comes from a 90s movie named "The Lawnmower Man". September 11, 2021. https://web.archive.org/web/20210912040348/https://soyjak.party/tv//res/2620.html#2620
  6. ↑ umm source chud?1?1?1/
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4599440/#4599440
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4624451/#4624460
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4925173/
  10. ↑ 10.0 10.1 https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4887320/
  11. ↑ https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000
  12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
  13. ↑ 13.0 13.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20220816110934/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/920417.html
  14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20220816110803/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/918549.html
  15. ↑ 15.0 15.1 https://web.archive.org/web/20220816111155/https://soyjak.party/soy//res/921403.html
  16. ↑ 16.0 16.1 https://soyjaks.party/fnac/thread/1.html
  17. ↑ https://booru.soy/post/view/1025
  18. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/search/text/%22shit%20tier%20wojack%22/page/9/
  19. ↑ https://booru.soy/post/view/3039
  20. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4989115/#4989193
  21. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/4545475/#4547422
  22. ↑ https://soyjak.party/soy/thread/4073326.html#4074317
  23. ↑ https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/3208
  24. ↑ https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/3495
  25. ↑ https://booru.soyjak.su/post/view/4873
  26. ↑ File:Cobman Review 1-3.png
  27. ↑ File:Cobman Review 2-3.png
  28. ↑ File:Cobman Review 3-3.png
  29. ↑ https://archive.4plebs.org/s4s/thread/9999967
  30. ↑ https://archived.moe/s4s/thread/9999967/#q10000000
  31. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
  32. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSBfXlCymkk
  33. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20220817182342/https://soyjak.party/news.html
  34. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20220727094419/https://soyjak.party/rules.html
  35. ↑ https://desuarchive.org/qa/thread/5229412/
  36. ↑ hash=5a06daff25bc9df2c75b08cc1f0dbb15
  37. ↑ https://wiki.soyjak.party/Cobson
  38. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jtdh0Tkqfdw&t=132s
  39. ↑ https://www.discogs.com/release/10126394-Cobson-Cobson
  40. ↑ https://www.last.fm/music/Cobson/+wiki
  41. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYBPSSTqUkA
Cobson is part of a series on
Soyjak variants
Main variants [-+]

Variants with over 1,000 Booru posts

Classic Soyjak ♦ A24 Slow-Burn Soyjak ♦ Gapejak ♦ Markiplier Soyjak ♦ Bernd ♦ Feraljak ♦ Cobson ♦ Impish Soyak Ears ♦ Chudjak

Other variants [-+]
Subvariants [-+]
Soyjak trends [-+]
By artform [-+]
NAS [-+]

Main article: NAS

Wojak ♦ Non-Wojak Soys ♦ Wikipe-tan ♦ Soytan ♦ NPC ♦ Gigachad ♦ Pepe ♦ Sidson ♦ SoySuba ♦ Chadjak ♦ Pissluffare ♦ Soylita ♦ Poopy ♦ Poopson

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